I let him change the ticket....
After all of the stress that I have been put through the past 2 months and especially couple weeks, I just couldnt bear to say no when he offered to pay change my ticket and stay for one more month. Yes I know many of you will think I am making a bad decision and I am being weak but I will continue to document all of this so hopefully it can help someone else in the future I dont know..
Still feel so drained and I just keep wishing everything will get better and turn out ok.
After all the crap we have gone through over the past week, BM keeps trying to manipulate him into looking like the concerned mom and the good one. She even just called MIL because (SD5 wanted to tell daddy she just brushed her hair by herself) but BM didnt want to call FDH since that was the deal. Then BM invited us to a kids birthday party and FDH actually had the balls to ask me if I would go because 2 of his good friends will be there...
Also MIL and I havent been talking at all since FDH had the blowout fight when I bought my ticket initially. And it seems MIL and BM are back on best buddy terms..
Yes I feel like I made a mistake, yes I feel like I should have just kept my ticket and left in a few days..
But I do love this man and I believe that he does love me he is just in a manipulated situation that he might be too deep in to ever see the light.
During this month I am going to document everything and if it stays the same I will not wait for him when I go back home next month.
Thanks again for your support.
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Comments
Maybe the time away will help
Maybe the time away will help him untangle himself? Promising to go away, but never doing it doesn't really FORCE him to make the changes. If he actually loses you, even temporarily, maybe it will be enough for him to put his foot down and whip the other people in his life into shape. Maybe he'll set some boundaries ..
I haven't been following your story, so forgive me if that's way off base.
It's never easy to end a relationship, so I can only imagine what you're struggling with now. Best of luck to you .. and please keep us updated!
Fair enough. You are a grown
Fair enough. You are a grown woman and you made a choice. You have to own your choice and live with it-no more complaining allowed. Either stay and eat their crap or bail and go home and find someone without all the problems. I do hope this works out for you, but I've been on this planet a long time and leopards rarely change their spots. You already know there are problems that aren't going to resolve themselves. BM, MIL and SD will stay in his life.
"FDH actually had the balls to ask me if I would go because 2 of his good friends will be there..."
This is because he thinks you are all threats and no action. He's got you snookered and he's going to go right back to business as usual. This isn't a romantic made-for-TV movie about star-crossed lovers and the bad people standing between them. Be honest with yourself about the situation-He is no innocent manipulated victim that loves you but can't find his way out of the drama, he is the one who allows this situation to exist in the first place. And he seems to have an ambitious goal-US Citizenship.
Good luck!
"Then BM invited us to a kids
"Then BM invited us to a kids birthday party and FDH actually had the balls to ask me if I would go because 2 of his good friends will be there"
Krispey Kreme is so right - this isn't BM manipulating him, this is FDH's doing this to himself.
Love is not always enough to make a relationship work.
Is it too late to change the ticket back?
FDH actually had the balls to
FDH actually had the balls to ask me if I would go because 2 of his good friends will be there
Can't he make his own play dates?
Didn't he tell you once that he really didn't want to change things? Believe him.
you are right. and i am just
you are right. and i am just having problems facing the reality of the situation because i love him....
thats really scary and
thats really scary and something for me to think about! God I cant imagine someone being so heartless to do that, but I do know a bit about people marrying for papers. Actually my mother married my foriegn father and that gave him a greencard and eventually citizenship(they have been married for more than 35 years now) so maybe that makes me biased... I do know of people who have tricked girls into getting married... Its just really hard for me to believe my FDH would do that to me...!!
He actually told me last night he was going to the BM party without me and his mom tried to convince me to go(she and his sister went). I told him he absoultely should not go per EVERYTHING we have just gone through and I told him how shocked it made me he would even ask.. He then said, fine i wont go but you are just keeping me away from my daughter. He ended up dropping off his mom and sis and came straight home.. still kind of in shock from this and feel like I should have never changed the ticket. But now its too late its already been SO expensive....
Yea, I totally agree and like
Yea, I totally agree and like I said they werent even married they just dated for a long time. Now he is in a bad mood all day and I just feel so stupid for believing him in the first place and changing the ticket. Like to me it doesnt even make ANY sense at ALL why BM would CONSTANTLY be calling her exMIL and my FDH to go to some random party. And it seriously boggles my mind the way he is acting. Its like, how could someone possibly think that that is normal and ok especially after all I have gone through to make him get it. BM even had FDH pick her up on the way to the party and he also thought this was normal. I just feel so stupid everyone here told me to just go and I had to go and change the ticket. GOD I AM SO HURT and feel like an idiot....
now he just tried to lay on
now he just tried to lay on me how BM's family has always been there for him and even gave him a place to stay when he needed it and now he feels like he is turning his back on them only for me. I told him, if you want to have a significantly close relationship with BM and her family that is not normal and it is not something I am obligated to agree to just because you have a kid with her and we marry. Things change, life goes on, if he wants to hang on to these relationships then that is not my place to tell him to not do it. He said I was making too big of a deal about the framed pictures in her house which she recently lamely apologized for. But i said, I am NEVER going to be comfortable with all of this. So basically as I said from the begining, you need to choose. he said who am I to judge what is normal. Like I said, I regret not keeping the same ticket because now if i leave its because he is telling me he is choosing them over me which makes me feel even MORE stupid and like CRAP...
I am dissapointed with myself
I am dissapointed with myself too, Cheri... I should have stuck to my guns and left. But I am not going to regret it because its already done. There were numerous reasons I felt it was a better idea to stay the extra month but yea, the main reason is because I do love this guy. If he is using me then that it horrible but I am doing my best to document EVERYthing to a T while Im here and when I get back to the good ol USA I am going STRAIGHT to a professional Therapist..
Yea I believe I am struggling with low self esteem that has come about from ever since I followed FDH to the last country where he was a resident of for 10 years and I knew no one. Then from there to here where it is HIS country and I dont even speak the language, know noone and he doesnt let me wander around alone because its "dangerous"..
I moved out of my parents house very young and have worked and or gone to school my whole life, have lived many different cities and countries and being completely cut off from my own independance has been something VERY scary and difficult to deal with. I have been situationally dependant on FDH for a while now and I hope as soon as that changes I will regain my self worth.
And i have been in serious relationships before that I had to end even though it wasnt what I wanted. I dont think I am at such a low that I will actually go through with the wedding if I dont think he is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with...
That happened to a friend of
That happened to a friend of mine's husband also. He was in the military before college and met a woman while stationed in the Philippines. He married her and brought her back to the U.S. Shortly after they had a son, she divorced him and brought her lover over from the Philippines and is now married to him. My friend met him a few years after this happened and they have been married now for over 10 years and have a daughter of their own. His son from the first marriage lives in another state but visits him and my friend on holidays and summers.
i felt sorry for her husband that he had to go through that because he did find out after she divorced him, this was something she and the man in the Philippines had planned way in advance and kept in regular contact the entire duration of the marriage.
I cannot believe how HORRIBLE
I cannot believe how HORRIBLE some people are! How could you DO that to another human being??? Especially having the kid with them.. Makes me shutter with disgust!
I am going to throw out a
I am going to throw out a suggestion here...if he wants you to stay then things have to change...seriously...HE has to find some kind of way to meet you in the middle...
1. what is in BM's house - you cannot change - neither can he and she is just messed up for having all of those things there.
2. WHY are they still having joint bday parties?? my dh STOPPED this as soon as I came along - it way easy. there was no way in hell I was going to hang out with HER family...his mother is bad enough - no way I was going to watch her hang all over BM making me feel worthless. We split parties. WE have a party (a joint party for the girls because his family is huge and mine comes too and their bdays are only a month apart) - I go crazy and plan the food and decor/theme. It's HUGE! and the girls love it because they get two parties (one out there with HER family and one here with HIS/MY family). And we are all happy go lucky and I don't want to worry about putting up with her family at all or her - his family comes to the party WE throw. They wouldn't dare go to that party out there. Maybe you should throw that idea out there...same with holidays and things.
And this way he cannot say you are making him choose between you and his kid. There's no reason why you two can't have your own memories and celebrations - BM does NOT need to be included you make your own traditions.
He seems like a real idiot. he NEEDS to cut ties with BM and HER FAMILY. It's part of moving on - there's no need to call every 5 minutes about what the kid is doing - I will say BM is NOT permitted to call my DH just for no reason - we made that clear to her along time ago - if it's not about the kids - don't call. If it's NOT an emergency - don't call. He calls them every night to talk to THEM - there's no need for her to call if it has nothing to do with the kids
I one hundred percent agree
I one hundred percent agree with you here and this is what i have been trying to get FDh to agree with me. But sadly it seems its not working and I am growing tired of trying...
And yea, SD5's birthday party was also a joint thing which I was also extremely uncomfortable with when BM tried to take pics of her, FDH and SD5. But yes, THIS party was TOTALLY random, like BM's sister-in laws kid or something totally random.