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SD birthday is coming up...

lost in longmont's picture

On another note....

SD10 and DH birthday is the same day. And I'm an excellent gift giver- I listen really well and am good at finding things people will like.

Several weeks ago I tried to have a "come to jesus" talk with DH about how I'm tired of doing everything for the family and not getting a lot of help from him. He hasn't tried to fix anything or try to show me that he cares enough to help. And up until now I've bought all the birthday presents and Christmas presents for SD from "us."

And after a long year of learning that I've taken on more responsibility that I should as a stepmom, I am not buying the presents for SD birthday this year. He has just assumed I would do, hasn't asked me nicely if I could do it because he is always working, nope. Just assumed I would do it and that has been a huge issue for me, and part of the talk we had. It is next Monday, and I guarantee that it wont be until Friday (my next day off) that he will bring it up. My response will be tough shit... I'm done doing everything for him to make him look like an amazing dad. It is his daughter, not mine, so he is more than capable of getting her a birthday present.

And then I am also not buying DH a present for SD to give him. She's got over 100$ cash in her room, meanwhile we are living paycheck to paycheck. Yes she is just a kid, but as her stepmom I shouldn't have to buy the presents anymore. For my daughter, yes I will, but she's got a mom that can do that stuff now. Plus we just dropped 140$ for her to go to outdoor ed with her class, so sorry I don't have a whole lot of extra cash around these days.

I've got SD a couple little things, but if DH waits until Friday or Saturday RIGHT before her birthday to bring it up, well he can go shopping Monday while she's at school then. Although I would find presents at Ross or Marshalls at a discounted price, it's worth him learning a lesson.


Annanymous's picture

Falling on their faces rushing at the last minute or not having whatever it is = this is the only way to get them to stand on their own two feet and end the enabling. Stick to it!

lost in longmont's picture

Thank you.

I think if I were to explain this situation to anyone else (i.e not stepparents) they would think I was evil. And maybe it is a little, but I'm damn tired of "expected" to do things just because I'm the woman/"mom" figure.

bi's picture

i disengaged from sd20 almost 4 years ago. Christmas was the last straw. i bought that spoiled brat everything she asked for, and because i am the one who did the shopping and she knew it, she thanked daddy profusely for what I bought (he was unemployed at the time) and then complained and criticized to me for the exact same thing that was just so wonderful of daddy to get her. that did it. i told fdh that i was done. no more buying her gifts for anything. it didn't help that anytime i bought her anything, he always said the exact same thing: "i don't know if she'll like that." then get her something your damn self! when i told him i was done since he never liked what i got and apparently neither did she, he changed his tune. suddnely anything i wanted to get her would be "just fine". too little, too late. i havent' done a damn thing for her since Chrismas 08.

i would remind fdh to do it, and he would still forget. she got no stocking because he forgot even though i reminded him as soon as we stepped into the store that if he wanted her to have one, he better get stuffers for it. i don't bother reminding him of anything anymore. she's 20 and i don't give a damn. her bday was last month. i never said a word and neither did he. i don't know if he did anything for her or not, but i know her bday was never mentioned.

it's funny how she always criticized and complained about anything i got her, but she sure as shit noticed when i stopped. the look on her face Christmas 09 when my kids got stockings and she didn't was priceless. she made some comment that i don't remember, too. oh well. bitch and complain enough and that's what happens. so it wasn't good enough when i was doing it, but i was a jerk for stopping. she can stick it in her ass. i'm not playing her no way to win games.