I know this is hard, just put one foot in front of the other and get through the next few days. Grieve for your house and face your fears of the future. 
 

As for what to tell friends, "irreconcilable differences" sums it up for those you aren't close to. Your close friends and family can know more detail. 
 

Big life changes are scary - hang in there. 

Eagerly awaiting your posts where you state you are FREE. Free from the hell of the emotionaly incestuous daddio and mini wife.

When my marriage ended. There was conflicted feelings, only because he tried to chip away at my self esteem. Guess what I have never been more free and happy.

You can do this. All of step talk is cheering you on girl.

when people ask, tell the truth. Say he was lying to you, explain how. why should you not tell the truth? 

First, you need to be easier on yourself here.  You need to stop worrying about what way they will twist it when you are gone.  Why care what people you don't care about think?

Second, The people who value you will not be interested in the salatious details of the WHY's.  A cryptic, well, things often look better from the outside of a relationship than within is sufficient.  If pressed, you can either answer "Why do you need to know those details" to people who are less close to you and "There were issues with trust within our relationship that became too big to overcome" is fine for those close to you.. It is the truth.. the thing you seem most knotted up about is that he lied and went behind your back on so many things.

At some point you're going to have to not give a crap about explanations or what people think. I was raised in Australia. My parents were refugees who came from a culture where divorce is a no-no. Three decades later my mum finally left my dad. And what stopped her all this time was "what would people in the community think?!". People in the community who weren't there when he beat up his children, his insecurity and rages accusing my mum of cheating on him, his gambling addiction combined with financial control and spousal imprisonment. Looking back recently I was shocked that I grew up in a household rife with domestic violence. It didn't even register as DM because to me it was normal. No one stepped in to help. So why do we owe them explanations and need their approval? It's your life, you're the one that will be stuck living with your choices so just make it the choice that you can live with and screw what other people think.

Good luck Loo!! It's almost time!! Yay!!

When we get out there's always something we have to give up and it's sad. But your new home will be ALL yours!! What we leave behind can't even compare to the freedom we find. A life of your own on your terms is an amazing gift to give yourself. There is just a whole fabulous world out there to see with fresh eyes.

When people would ask me why I left usually I just gave them something simple and changed the subject. Y'know things sometimes just don't work out, so how are you and the kids doing?

There was one very nosey person who kept bringing it up and pressing me for details. Remember all those dumb commercials for Sling (tv streaming service)? So one day I got a snarky little grin on my face and said well I'll tell you a secret, I decided to become a slinger but H wouldn't go for it. She didn't like my joke but she quit asking me anything

You hang in there!! Keep us posted!!

YOU CAN DO IT! It's none of people's business. If they press, say that you guys had a lot of problems. If they continue, smile and say, it's a long story or why do you ask? 

Get these dysfunctional people out of your life!! We're rooting for you!

And then a lifetime of even MORE freedome!

YAY> cheering right now.

So, youve got everything lined up, the lawyers are all ready to go like racecars at the starting gate, and you are looking over at the soon to be ex, and he apparently could not have a care about you leaving for 2 weeks.

But, you arent certain - it could be that he is also lawyered up. Or planning time with mini-wife. Dont let it get to you - get your nerves back to steele mode. Youve come this far and its almost time to break free of this toxic sludge of a man and his toxic sludge DNA sample mini-wife user.

Im so glad that you have come this far. Just a little bit more and you can breathe easy!

I would torture him like the others suggested, and threaten to come home early then dont.

Meanwhile I hope that you have some MAJOR self-care ready to go to get you ready for the stuff that comes after he is served his papers. I hope you post!!!

Get a little payback.   Keep coming up with stories, like maybe you will have to push it back a week or two because.

your daughter getting her house painted ..."..  getting new carpet.......  She may have to go somewhere.   ...  Her ***** grandmother is sick and she may go there to support ******.    Cant go because there a full moon.   You may only can go for a week because you need your hair done.  

Almost to the goal line so stay focused and good luck!  Getting yourself out of this mess is a really great thing you're doing.

The stress of the divorce will be a lot I you. But you will still be away from them and that's the most important thing. 

Each day you will start to find your strength again, your self worth. As long as you stay committed to your decision you will find that it was the best decision you made. 

The stress of the divorce will be a lot I you. But you will still be away from them and that's the most important thing. 

Each day you will start to find your strength again, your self worth. As long as you stay committed to your decision you will find that it was the best decision you made. 

"Are you sure you're coming back? "

"Why? Don't you want me to? "

Your daughter being in a bad spot sounds more like your SIL has some control issues of his own. Your not doing anything to her.

Who is he to tell you not to get a divorce??? WTH??? He sounds a bit like a bully himself.

Any chance your SIL talks to H? I'd be careful what you tell DD or SIL for now. Be careful Loo but get the hell outta there while the gettin' is good!!!!

As he asked for one final hug he says "You sure you don't have a boyfriend??" 

Wow he's fked up. Hands up all the people who think it's ok to casually insinuate their partner's cheating on them. And what a cowardly way to go about it. Gives him the perfect excuse if you called him out on his bullshit because he was only joking wasn't he, and the problem's all on you because you didn't know how to take a joke, rinse and repeat. So glad to hear you've stepped off the crazy train. 

Thought about you so much yesterday. Was so glad to read your posts about leaving!!

Manipulators will use the cheating angle even when there is no merit. Its just one more way they can throw us off kilter and maintain control. ExH did that crap to me for so long. Very dysfunctional and just damn rude. It would hurt my feelings but he used it as a way to keep track of me. It was one more way for him to put out there that I was again doing something wrong or bad. My dumbass would work even harder to show him I was faithful, thus helping him know exactly where I was at all times, paying extra attention to him and whatever he wanted, etc. 

If I complained then it was always about how he was either just joking and i was too sensitive or how every other woman in his life had hurt him.

I'm wrong, can't take a joke, other women hurt him...therefore he can be an ass to me??? 

YEP cuz that's how they roll and when we're being manipulated we can't even see it. It's just becomes normal.

Every comment just chipped away a little more of me. My self esteem, my sanity, my spirit all just being crushed one day at a time. Yes it is so messed up!!

You said your DD has her own agenda, sounds like SIL may have one too..... Loo you focus on your agenda. That's all you gotta worry about. This is your situation, your life. These first tastes of freedom are like the 1st chapter in a new book. Don't let anyone else do any re-writes or editing. They may mean well or they may have other agendas. No matter, this is your story now. Be your own editor and publisher.

Your DD is a grownup...don't take on her issues as your own. You can love her, support her, have her back....but her marriage is hers. If your leaving H or any other decision you make is somehow a problem in DD's marriage then its just that...a problem in HER marriage. Nothing you've done wrong, nothing you can fix for her. H has controlled your life long enough, don't let someone else manipulate you. You do not need to alter your plans for anyone!!!

Don't give up, enjoy every breath of freedom. You've worked hard, pulled it all together and got out. You've done an amazing thing for yourself and you're WORTH it!!

((Hugs))

they know when their life is about to change, they can feel it in the air. His paranoia is probably more to do with him knowing he's created a disadster than him actually having a clue. He knows he's lying to you, hiding things, etc. He's paranoid because he knows he's guilty and he knows you've caught on. Keep those feet pointing forward. And don't lie for him when people ask what happened. You'll find out that most people aren't surprised by you leaving, they've been surprised at how long you stayed. You've got this!

Really so excited and happy for you. It takes guts to do what you are doing. Rooting for you all the way! Please keep us updated.