You are here


lmartinez011's picture

I have another problem I need advise on.

My DH of 23 years had a disagreement with his mother for a couple yrs did not really speak or visit each other.  My MIL is like best friends with my DH kids BM.  BM never moved on, never dated, never married and has been pining over DH for 23 years.  Drive over 40 miles each way to get her car repaired at my DH shop.  Texts him like they are best friends.  I found out from sister in laws my MIL is two faced with me and DH kids BM.  I have no desire to visit her because you never know when BM is there.  One Christmas several yrs ago she MIL invited BM to holiday dinner.  I said Merry Christmas and no reply.  She threw a baby shower for SS girl and everyone in the family was invited but me. Can't even baptise grandchildren cuz she don;t want me there.  No one mind you no one stands up for me against her.  25 yrs of BS!

DH and his mom have made up and he visits every other week.  Does not ask me if  I want to go.  I would go anyway.  Now the holidays are coming and I know MIL will host. I do not want to go at all.  She has never been part of my son's life only my SS's whose BM lives around the block from her.  Mind you the boys are all adults now which brings me to my next problem.

If you read my other blog on Advice needed for SS and SS I continue to purchase gifts for SS's step-grandchildren whom I only see twice a year. Mind you they live less than 5 miles from me. (my biological son will get gifts)  Note since everyone was little boys I have used my money not my husband to purchase gifts he never contributes.

I would just like your thoughts please.




futurobrillante99's picture

Focus on your son and celebrate the holidays with him and his family. Your DH can't make any of his family behave right but he can hold them accountable for their behavior. Spending time with them seems to endorse their treatment of you and will succeed in dividing the two of you on major holidays. Still, if he doesn't protect you, you shouldn't go into the lion's den.

You deserve a pleasant and peaceful holiday season - go where you are loved and appreciated - the rest can eff off.

Siemprematahari's picture

I agree with Futuro! Why attend a holiday function where no one wants you around and you'll feel nothing but tention and uncomfortable? Remove yourself from that entire negative situation and make the best of the holiday for you and yours.


lmartinez011's picture

Do I just buy gifts for my son and no one else.  Let my DH worry about his kids or my SS's?  And his grandchildren?

marblefawn's picture

Yes, that's exactly what you do. It might feel wrong at first, but you've tried for 25 years.

Don't you think you gave it your all and deserve a break? I do!

justmakingthebest's picture

I don't think your SS or his wife should get gifts from you but kids are kids and should not be held resposible for the way their parents are teaching them to act. I wouldn't go over the top, but a token gift that says you care about them wouldn't be a bad thing.

StepMamaBear6's picture

I agree.  You buy gifts for your son and his family and no one else.  Your husband can buy his children gifts.