I understand everyone else now!
So today i wake up, go to my girlfriends house and drop off my little one so that I can go get my haircolored. Got the hair colored.
Had gotten e-mail from BM stating that SS could be picked up at 2pm this afternoon to make up for Easter weekend that was her holiday but our sch visit. This weekend is supp to be ours too but bc of spring break it is not. She was offering us tonight and tomorrow night to make up for one of the missed weekends. Anyway.
I get to gfriends house and think to myself that I am only about 15 minutes from BM house, so I call to see if I can come early. I was supposed to do the pick up today since my husband fishes tournaments and today was opening day.
BM answers and asks what time I'll be there. I tell her, and ask her to call me back to let me know. She has SS call me, and apparently she was not standing near SS and couldnt hear the conversation. I told SS that I could either pick him up in about 20 minutes or at about 4pm after my baby's nap. He told me to come get him, and that he was going to walk to the top of the hill to get his stuff ready. I told him okay I would see him in a little bit.
I turn off the highway onto the country road that leads to another country road to their house and BM answers. I tell her I'm about 10 minutes away, SS had asked that I call him so he could be waiting, and she says this:
"What? Jake said he didn't want you to pick him up right now, and hes up at the top of the hill anyway." I told her he was up there getting his stuff and she said that no, he was getting another fishing pole and that he boyfriend had heard Jake tell me not to come get him.
I said these final words:
"BM, it is too bad SS made a bad decision and told us both a different story. I am going to turn around and I am not coming back out here. Not at 2, not ever. DH can call you when he gets home from his tournament (he's always tired, he won't call) and if he feels like coming out here then he can do it, but I'm done with this mess." Then, appropriately, my phone loses the signal.
Her tone of voice let me know that she was lying right in front of her bf ABOUT her bf and that he is ok with that. She was letting me know that I was not welcome.
She had told me before my last words that he was bringing over his pogo stick and ripstick-I told her he has a skateboard at our house and she said he wanted to try it out at the Skate Park. I had asked to have him one day over break, she had said yes, then e-mailed the morning of and cancelled. I was going to get a sitter and take him to that park.
I'm not taking him now.
Here's the question.
How do I live in a house and be separate from the people in it? How do I keep from forming a bond with someone that I felt like I cared about? When I got home I felt like putting all SS things in the burn pile and burning them. I know it was probably BM just making up some shit while SS was not in earshot. He probably got back down there and got confused. Now he will think I hate him, and get mad that I won't come get him. He will wonder why I chg my mind, which is what I am sure he will be told.
I'm not mad. I'm not pissed now. I feel like someone just dumped a bucket of ice on me when I was least expecting it, only not in the event of a triumph!
I will not participate in any of this. If SS calls later before his Dad gets home-Ill tell him to call back later. The Skate Park isn't open past dark (7:30 around here) so he won't get to go and tomorrow we have church and other things to do around the house and some digging in the yard while it's still all mooshy.
Well now I see why you ladies say to just stop allowing them to put you in the middle. I can't be in the middle and be happy, so I think I'll be on the outside and at least be comfortable.
- LizzersBG's blog
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Comments
I really do understand
what you are going through. I could never understand wither why SM's would say "back out" etc, etc. But until I found this site, I didn't understand it, now I GET IT!!! I had to do that very thing. Of course, my situation is a little worse, she had to move or I was. But the feeling is the same anyway. It sounds like the BM is playing games and making up stuff your SS probably didnt say to pit you against one another, "divide and conquer". Next time, just ask to speak directly with him when you call, if you ever do again. I doubt this kid has any idea that she told you that, she probably made up something negative about you to him as well.
BM did end up calling back-
But not until about 3:45, and I didn't answer. Any time from now on that I see her # on any caller ID I won't answer.
She kept leaving messages asking when we were coming to get him and finally my hus got home-he called and SS answered the ph. Apparently the reason she was all of a sudden so anxious to have him picked up was bc she was going to spend the night with her boyfriend. She was going to do this regardless if we picked SS up or not, she would hav left him there with her parents.
Husband told her we weren't coming, SS would just have to stay there w/gas being almost $4 a gallon and she said that she & BF could come by our house and drop him off. What if DH hadn't asked for him tonight. She would be using her built in baby sitters like she always does. Mediation is next Monday I feel like kicking her ass sometime before then. DH asked her to meet sometime before the mediation and I know she wont back down she wants him here less and wants more $$.
We will take her to court and we have a damn good case so she better not go there. Turns out SS did not even know I had called and was sitting around wondering where I was, since I had told him I would be there in around 20 minutes! He never even knew.
What a great lady.
I realize now-do not deliver, do not pick up, and do not talk.
Those are the 3 rules.
Yep
Those 3 Ds go along with the disengaging that we all speak of. Let DH handle everything. I live in a vicious cycle of being mad and happy and find that I'm happier when I know less and bite my tongue.
I know just how you feel Sm Jen
When Dh and I first got together I took it very slow. I tried to get to know his kids and what makes them tick and hoped to maybe have a relationship with them. I know that they liked me in the beginning and I really liked them as well. I even began to get attached to them. However, you can only be kicked in the teeth so many times. I chalk up some of the things they do just to being kids and try not to take it personally but it is hard living with people that you feel are basically against you.
Dh and I have been together almost five years now and now I just back out in most situations.
I recenly had an e-mail exchange with mil about an issue that had nothing to do with the skids and somehow it ended up being focused on how unfair I am to them. I was fuming mad. I have always been very fair to them and her comments just confirmed a few things that I had suspected about sd and what she says to mil about me. Dh says no, but you can tell when someone is out to get you.
SmJen, I know it is hard when you feel used and let down by the people you live with. Establishing boundaries has helped me but there are still times that I feel sick in the pit of my stomach. I would talk to ss and let him know what you understood. Maybe just treat it as a miscommunication. Also, let him know that what he did was not fair to you and that the next time you are not going to get him if he is not sure about what he is saying to you.
Hugs
Georgie