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livizzle's picture

DH has seen his children very minimally since their summer vacation started (June 2nd). He works 60+ hours a week at a commission only job to make ends meets, so it’s hard for him to just take off. On his scheduled weekends, BM always comes up with some excuse as to why they need to stay with her. “They’ve been at your mom’s all week.” “I miss them.” “I didn’t get to see them much this week.” Blah, blah, blah.

Last night was the first night that DH has spoken with BM since leaving her a voicemail earlier in the week, telling her that he would no longer tolerate her talking about me to him or the kids (go DH!). Of course, BM was hostile. The kids have been in Kansas with BM’s mom for the past week. They stayed the night in Indiana before driving back today. DH called the kids and let them know that he was excited to see them. Both kids acted very confused. This is DH’s weekend. (Back story: The CO states that DH has the kids two weekends on, one off. However, sometime after the beginning of the year, DH and BM came to a verbal agreement that DH would have the kids EOW, and on the weekends he didn’t have them, they would be her two days during the week. This was never filed with the court.) Well, DH talked to BM who started her usual “your daughter has been in tears wanting to see her mother” crap. DH was rational. He explained to her that he also missed his children, who he has gotten to see a lot less of this summer than her. This is where BM began taking her slurs.
DH: I’ll be there to pick them up when I get off of work tomorrow.

BM: That’s up to the kids.
DH: No. I haven’t been able to see them much, and I’ll be there tomorrow to pick them up.
BM: We’ll see. You know, the kids don’t want to come over there. They know it sucks over there.
DH: Whatever. Keep filling them with your lies. I can’t wait until they grow up and realize who their mother really is.
BM: I don’t know what you’re talking about. There was plenty of time for you to see them this summer.
DH: Right. I work 60 or more hours a week.
BM: Well, I work 40+.
DH: Yeah, but you didn’t tell the CS office that, did you? All you care about is the $$.
BM: Why are YOU trying to argue with ME?
DH: I’ll be there when I get off work tomorrow to pick them up. Bye.

As it stands, DH has no ground to stand on, I’m afraid. The verbal agreement won’t hold up, and the original CO states no dates/times, so it is essentially useless. We do have a notice from the judge where DH filed a motion due to BM withholding visitation last November. It states that BM needs to follow to CO, but DH has been told by the police that there is nothing they can do to make her hand over the children because there are no dates/times listed. I told DH that he needs to go Monday and file a motion to change the visitation schedule. He’s afraid because “most dads only get EOW”. If DH has been receiving his EOW + 2 days schedule by the verbal agreement, will the judge take that into consideration?

UPDATE: BM had the kids call DH at work to tell him that they wouldn't be coming over this weekend. This means that, not only does DH lose MORE time with the kids, but SD9 is missing her baptism tommorow (which MIL did call and ok with BM).


cat72196's picture

I think the judge will take it into consideration. I think the judge will initially be kind of confused as to why the BM says one thing and then takes it back and says another. But if DH actually takes BM to a TRIAL hearing, he/she (judge) will catch on to BM very quickly, I think. My boyfriend is going through a custody dispute just about as ugly, and they can't come to a mutual agreement between them if their life depended on it. When they went to the pre-trial conference (court date is in Sept.) the judge was so confused. "I don't really see what the problem is here..." meaning, why the hell can't you guys figure this out on your own. The father wants more custody, there's not reason to NOT give him more custody. But since she won't, they have to do a full-fledged court date, where I think it will be pretty apparent that the ONLY reason she won't agree to more custody is $$$$$$. Insanity. Make sure your husband gets ACTUALLY times written into the order.

simifan's picture

It's rare that the NCP would lose time without make up time - he might get EOW but then get 6-8 weeks in summer. Good Luck.