My SD is really pissing me off.
SD has an attitude. SD is sneaky and manipulative. SD is a liar. SD is a poor sport. SD is an annoying human being. SD is loud. SD is an attention seeker.
SD is only 8, however, she has had these traits for the entire time I have known her. A lot of it is just who she is as a person. She has good qualities for sure, but as a non bio, her bad traits tend to have more of an impact. She makes me feel uncomfortable and unhappy in my own house with my husband and our two babies. Her father, therefor also her house..and she's here ALL. THE. TIME. I don't want to see her as an intruder. As an annoying guest that never leaves...but that is how it feels! If I could just accept and deal with everything I would be a lot less stressed. But how?
I am lucky to have a husband who lets me vent my frustrations about SD to him, and, who does anything he can to fix the problem.
She will be alone with me and her two baby siblings for 4 hours tonight. Things are a million times more chaotic and loud when SD is here and we have an infant and a 19 month old! How is an 8 year old more loud and obnoxious, more messy, than TWO BABIES? SD lives with us full time and visits her mother every other weekend.
How do you deal with your s kids when they do things that bug you? A lot of people expect me to treat her as my own but how can I? If "my own" behaved like her I would come down hard with a quickness. I can't do that with SD because then suddenly I am the bad guy. They say, "love her like your own." How can I? She is not mine. No part of her is me. Not her features, not her personality, not her behavior. Why am I expected to love her as my own child when she isnt? It's not physically or emotionally possible for me to feel that way about her and it never has been. I have always known that I would never feel that way about her. Even some step parents call their steps their own and talk about how much they love them like their own. Okkkkkkkkaaayyyyy.
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Oh how I feel you on
Oh how I feel you on everything you just said!!
>>If "my own" behaved like
>>If "my own" behaved like her I would come down hard with a quickness. I can't do that with SD because then suddenly I am the bad guy.<<
Hmmm, it sounds like your DH supports you, so here's my suggestion. How about treating her the same way a teacher treats a student in her class that's misbehaving? Maybe if you looked at it that way you wouldn't feel like you're the "bad guy" and can concentrate getting her to behave.
Think about how your teacher handled kids in your class that were acting up. She would have them sit in a corner, write sentences, etc. She also had a reward system for good behavior.
Could you try some of those things to get your SD to behave? It sounds like if you did your DH would support you.
That is a good idea. I will
That is a good idea. I will give it a try!
Hey! Look behind you! I'm
Hey! Look behind you! I'm paddling in the same boat as you. When step kids can't show you any love or respect and are old enough to understand how relationships work, they need to understand the damage they are causing to NOT get the love and respect they need. I too feel like you. I cannot love this stranger if that's all she wants to be. My child would not treat me like she does and my child shows he loves me, sd does not. I explained to her that it takes two for a relationship to work. If she chooses to disrespect me, show hate towards me, or distance herself from me... Expect the same treatment and we will be " broken up" like a boyfriend and girlfriend do.
You can't force a sk to love you as they cannot force a step mom to love them. It works both ways.