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Valentines Day Cupcakes

LittleBoPeep's picture

Not sure if anyone here is in any facebook SM groups.  There's currently a heated debate going on on one of the bigger ones about V-Day cupcakes.  A SM made cupcakes for her husband (that said I love you) and the SD ate one this morning without permission.  This SM is getting roasted for the most part with people asking - how would you feel if your bio ate it? If you tell her she can't eat something that says I love you she will feel unloved (puke), and asking what the SM is doing for the SD so she doesn't feel left out on V-Day.

I'm just wondering what ever happened to common courtesy that you ask before you take something that isn't yours??




ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Beyond that. I get a child needs love. But damn, telling her no to a cupcake that says I love you... They seriously think that's going to shoot the kid into some never-ending pit of dispair???

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

The spawn doesn’t need love from the SM though. That’s her legal parents’ responsibility.

My stepdemon is a junk food thief and thus I do not bake when he is infesting and infiltrating my home. I prevent drama and fights with my DH.


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I bake. But I seriously think deciding that a kid can't eat something that says I love you WITHOUT ASKING. Isn't going to do harm regardless of the reason. She made them for her DH, they were not SD's to eat, the would not be the SM's BD's to eat. It's just a$$inine to think that any kid is going to magically "not feel loved" in any copacity just for being told no for something that wasn't hers in the first place.

However you are right. A SM doesn't owe her SD love. Love is something that has to form naturally.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Boundaries matter. I mean, not touching someone’s birthday cake is par for the course. Cupcakes are mini cakes. I would freak the F out! Decorating stuff like that is a b***.

Doesn’t f**** matter what the thing is: don’t touch my sh**. 

tog redux's picture

Honestly- I'd never make cupcakes period, lol ... but if I did, I wouldn't tell my SS that he couldn't touch them.  I assume that wasn't just one cupcake?

Yes, he should ask before he eats one. But to make them just for an adult partner and forbid kids from touching them is petty, IMO.

futurobrillante99's picture

I disagree. SD didn't know who the cupcakes were for. She didn't make them and she didn't ask if she could have one. My kids were raised better.

Skids seem to be feral and think nothing of helping themselves to whatever is in the house. That behavior is not going to serve them well in life when they start helping themselves to other people's stuff.

The rule is: If you didn't bake it and you weren't given permission to eat it, don't touch it.

Alien's picture

Haha I wouldn’t mind her eating one unless there’s ONLY ONE lol 

but all this “what are you doing to make her feel loved” it’s just weird.


advice.only2's picture

I would love to see the follow up from the SM with this twist!
"The reason I'm so upset and freaking out is because I put chocolate laxatives in those cupcakes because DH is cheating on me....oh well guess SD learned a lesson now didn't she!"

lieutenant_dad's picture

Was the issue with the fact that SD ate one, or that she ate one without permission?

If SD ate one before the gift receiver had a chance to eat one, ESPECIALLY without permission, then SM has a right and reason to be upset.

But if the cupcakes have been getting eaten by SM and Dad, and no one told SD she couldn't have one, then SM seems petty. 

This is one of those times where context and details are important. My household rule is that unless I tell you *not* to eat something or that I tell you to ask before you eat it, everything is up for grabs. The boys are old enough to make their own food and I, nor DH, want to be bothered every time the boys want to make themselves a bowl of cereal. Though, they don't abuse the "free-for-all" rule, but if they did, I'd like adjust because I do the grocery shopping and that shiz is expensive.

MoominMama's picture

SS has an overeating compulsion so there's no way we could do that here. I did with my bios (first marriage different household) but SS is another story. 

LittleBoPeep's picture

Issue was they were a valentines gift for her DH and she hadn't even had a chance to give them to him before SD ate one.  None had been eaten yet.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Then SM has every right to be upset, varying in degree of severity based on the age of the child. A toddle has poor impulse control, so while she can be upset, it likely wasn't intentional. A teenager? That's just savage.

MoominMama's picture

What you described is why I'm not on those sites. I do not believe in kids getting gifts or taken out on V day. It's for lovers/marriage not brats. 

LittleBoPeep's picture

Yes, i tend to agree Valentines day is for lovers and small kids (talking elementary school) to give out their little valentines.

Petronella's picture

Was it like, three cupcakes that each had a word on them, or each cupcake had one letter on it, so by taking one, the SD messed up the SM’s creation? Or was it just a dozen cupcakes that each said the same thing so there were still plenty of cupcakes left for everyone?

Well This Isn't Fun's picture

That's what I was wondering. If it messed something up then yeah, be pissed. If not, I'd talk to SD about asking, but why be upset enough to make a post about it? 

susanm's picture

If you see specially decorated baked goods, it is pretty obvious that they were made for a specific reason or person.  A skid asking if they can eat an "irregular" with a smile on their face would be a nice interaction actually.  I can't imagine too many SMs would not happily give a cupcake in that circumstance!  Smile    But any kid over 10 should know not to just grab and eat something that a person is clearly putting work into..

Aniki's picture

Our household rule is that you ASK before eating. DH has made it clear to the skids what they can eat/drink without asking (bottled water, milk, fresh fruit/veggies). Pop and sweets? They need to ASK.

Example: If PigPen refused to eat his veggies at dinner, NO WAY he is rewarded with cookies/cake afterwards. DH will let him have a piece of fruit.

The reason DH rules the sweet intake with an iron fist is because the skids have a HORRIBLE diet of fast food and junk food and pop at the 'Ho House. He limits that at our house and makes them eat healthier options.

LittleBoPeep's picture

New twist to the story....apparently the skid called the dad to ask if she could have one.  And he told her yes.  I feel like dad should have said SM made them, you need to ask her. Or just straight off the bat, nope, no cupcakes for breakfast.  Wtf? lol

Aniki's picture

Did he know you made them for him? Is there a possibility you could have been making something for work or a function?

I was once frying up bacon. I do NOT cook for skids. If I'm cooking, it's either for myself or a dish for a group. PigPen stretched his grubby hand towards the platter and I said, "Do NOT touch that. It's not for us." Piggy went to whine to DH and DH told him I was cooking something for other people and that DH would cook bacon after I was done.

Now you may think I'm an evil beeyotch, but that bacon was precisely cut into a specific number of equally sized pieces so that I had ONE PORTION for everyone (which was the whole idea). I didn't get a piece either. Well, not until the shindig later that day when I got my single portion.

Frankly, I never would have considered doing that when I was growing up. You waited until the cooking was done and EVERYONE ate. Cupcakes, cookies, cake? YOU ASKED. Mom might have been making that for one of us for school, for Dad to take to work, or who knows what. But sweets were not just grab it and go. We ALWAYS had to ask permission for sweets. I'm old school. Meh.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Weren't the cupcakes a gift for her DH? If she had already given them to him, then I don't see why it's an issue? She did ask the person who's they were?

lieutenant_dad's picture

I'm under the impression that SM hadn't given them to Dad yet. However, if she made them for her DH, and he decided to share AFTER the gift was given, then SM really can't complain too much. If she doesn't like her gifts being shared, then she shouldn't give shareable gifts in the future.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Ohhhhhhh! Well then I DEFINITLEY understand being angry about that... DH wasn't the one to ask... And SD shouldn't have touched them until AFTER they had been given to DH, and with permission.

RiverLark's picture

this cupcake is just an indication that things in that house are bad. If everyone is fighting and calling each other over eating a cupcake the household sounds like a hellish nightmare. 

if someone makes cupcakes it would be a good idea to tell people know not to eat them... and who makes cupcakes for the adult in the family and hoards them for the Dad and none for the kids? That's weird behaviour. I'm sorry. 

also, unless there's weird food behaviour going on, do people really feel it's necessary to police the food? I lole the kids to feel at home here and not feel like they have to ask for normal things. Otherwise everyone is just waiting on them all the time. 


Aniki's picture

IMO, the ONE reason to not let others eat the goodie is because you want the person for whom it is intended to see it BEFORE sharing. Like, if I baked DH a birthday cake and decorated it. I'd want him to see and appreciate it and then ALL of us can have some.

futurobrillante99's picture

This exactly!

If I make something for someone - anyone, not just a spouse or lover - it is intended that they get to see it in it's PERFECT state before it is cut into or shared. If the plate was full of cupcakes FOR her husband, the SD should have kept her grubby mitts off of them and ASKED permission. Doesn't matter who they were for. You didn't bake it and no one invited you to eat it - don't touch it.

TwoOfUs's picture

Yep. 100%

This is why I used to get annoyed when we had a Christmas party or lawn party and DH invited his kids (when they weren't with us). 

They'd ALWAYS show up 20-30 minutes before anyone else, with several friends apiece, and start in on the food table. DH didn't see what the big deal was...there was going to be plenty for everyone.

Well, DH, maybe that's because YOU didn't spend hours laboring over all of the elements and displaying them beautifully only to have a horde of kids streak through 10 minutes before the party and ruin the effect and leave crumbs everywhere. 

I knew I wasn't going to win this one, so I started waiting to put food out until the last possible minute...and covering the food I did put out so it clearly wasn't "up for grabs" in any way. I also started ordering pizza for skids and their friends and having it delivered to the basement entrance...telling them to go down there and hang out/chow down until guests arrived. 

Solved the problem...but kind of ridiculous that I'd have to retrain the feral skids like this. 

Monkeysee's picture

It’s not weird at all actually. My SS’s are expected to ask before eating any junk in the house. If they didn’t have to ask, they’d sit there all day & night eating nothing but crap. 

That said, if they were for a special occasion I’d likely leave a note or let people know, but that’d be more so DH wouldn’t agree they could have something that’s not meant for them. 

pickles45's picture

Well if she had them out for her husband and nothing for the stepdaughter I think that is wrong! I am about to go into the other room as a matter of fact and prepare three gift bags so they are on the counter when my SO gets home with his daugher in a bit. One for him, one for her and one for MY baby (my dog!) :-) 

I have issues when she is here becuase of my SO's behaviour but I have never tried to make her feel left out. Besides I LOVE holidays and do little things for allof them. I already have things picked out for her Easter basket. (And yes she is 14 and will get a basket. So will my SO!) 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Why is it wrong to only purchase/make/provide a gift to your spouse?

pickles45's picture

There's nothing with that at all but if SO and I have gifts for one another and not her we wait till she's not around.  All I know is that most kids love cupcakes and having thme in the house and not sharing just seems wrong. Even when my SO's daughter made something for his bday she made them thinking/knowing/ wanting me to have some too.

Oh and what bugs me is a 13 year old calling her daddy to ask if she could have one then the adult that is right there in the house! Seriously? If my SO's daughter did that THAT would be my issue! Its just another example of how skids dont respect SM and think the only adult they need to answer too is their bio mom and dad. And I wiuld be mad at my SO for saying yes if he hadnt even seen them yet. Its like sorry wife what you did for me doesnt matter. All that matters is my little princess is happy and gets whatever she wants the second she wants it!!


Petronella's picture

For one person in front of the person who’s excluded. This is like when we complain that our stepkids gave our spouse a gift, or a greeting or an invite, while ostentatiously excluding us. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Valentine's Day is not that like AT ALL. Christmas, yes, but is it okay for the birthday person to get a gift and no one else does? Is it okay for the couple to give each other anniversary gifts or does everyone in the house get a gift, too? Does the high school graduate get the gifts or does everyone get one? On Mother's Day, does everyone get a gift or just mom?

On Valentine's Day, it is perfectly acceptable and appropriate for lovers to give gifts only to each other and not anyone else, even kids in the household, especially if the gift giver is NOT the parent of the kids in the house.

Petronella's picture

For one person in front of the person who’s excluded. This is like when we complain that our stepkids gave our spouse a gift, or a greeting or an invite, while ostentatiously excluding us. 

LittleBoPeep's picture

I don't see anything wrong with only doing Valentines stuff for your partner.  I don't think Valentines day is supposed to be for everyone, it's supposed to be for those in romantic relationships.  Obviously each family can handle it how they choose, but I don't see anything wrong with keeping Valentines day between lovers and not including the kids.

futurobrillante99's picture

When my kids were little, they'd get a little candy and a card. Their father and I did it a bit bigger because we were lovers. I was usually given flowers or a gift and a card. I typically made him his favorite dinner and got him a card.

Now that I'm single, I sent each of my adult kids a card telling them how much I love them. I have a "date" tomorrow with a dear friend and I'll bring her some flowers only because she's a sweet lady and I'd like to brighten her day. We're going axe throwing. Biggrin

Survivingstephell's picture

The holiday is for lovers.  SM made a gift for her husband and a kid ate one.  No matter the bloodlines involved, kid was out of line.  

Did anyone watch Saturday Night Live last Saturday night?  There was skit/song about Valentine's Day that was pretty clear that the holiday is for lovers.   


Petronella's picture

because SNL is the ultimate authority on how we all should live. 

I don’t think Valentine’s Day is like a birthday, where you only give one person a present. I think it’s nice to give everyone in the house a little something. Same for Easter.

tog redux's picture

My mother used to give me a little box of candy right into my teen years.  My friend just told me she got her teen son some candy for V-day.

Sometimes I think everything a skid does is soooo awful and not deserved on here. Bad skids.

I can't imagine my mother making something for my father and then slapping our hands when we looked at it.  This crap just doesn't happen in intact families, does it? I'm not sure she even ever got him anything for V-day.

It all just feels like stepmothers peeing on their territory. "This is for my man, don't you touch it, you brat!" Then we wonder why people have the evil stepmother stereotype.

Sorry - I just would not give two hoots if my SS ate one cupcake out of 12 that I made for DH.  Even if he didn't ask.  If he ate them ALL, then perhaps I'd have a beef.

Monkeysee's picture

My dad used to get mum chocolates & we were all allowed to share them, but NEVER before mum had one & offered them to us.

Thats how I feel about this cupcake story. I can’t imagine ever baking anything & not letting SS’s have some, unless it wasn’t for the house. But if I made something & they took without asking, I wouldn’t be happy.

Not because I’d care they had one, but because they didn’t ask first, which is a house rule for us where junk is concerned. And because if I make them for DH, DH should have the first one, unless he offers to the boys first. It’s basic manners.

tog redux's picture

I suppose. It just seems overly petty to me, especially since, in this case, the kid DID ask, and the DH said yep, go ahead.

They are cupcakes. It's not like the kid stole the car.  If a bio kid did it, the blog wouldn't even exist.


Monkeysee's picture

Well no, but if a BM complained about her own kid doing that, she likely wouldn’t be vilified for being upset with her own kid. 

I do agree to get overly upset about it is petty, at the end of the day it’s just cupcakes. It’s a bit odd though the kid called dad to ask instead of SM who was physically in the house. I’m guessing there’s more to this than just cupcakes.

LittleBoPeep's picture

From the sounds of it, Dad didn't even know about the cupcakes until the SD told him.  So I'd say it was presumptuous of him to think they were his to give away.  They could have been for anything (school event, work event, etc).  The SM wanted to surprise her husband with them after work today.

Monkeysee's picture

Not if he hasn’t been given them yet, no. Based on one of OP’s comments, SM hadn’t given them to him yet. For all he could have known they weren’t for anyone in the house at all. 

Petronella's picture

The kid taking the time to phone dad who probably didn’t even know the cupcakes existed or why. Instead of asking SM who was right there and who had baked the cupcakes in the first place! 

Petronella's picture

The kid taking the time to phone dad who probably didn’t even know the cupcakes existed or why. Instead of asking SM who was right there and who had baked the cupcakes in the first place! 

LittleBoPeep's picture

I agree with what you've said 100%.  I would never not let SD have something that was in the house, but if it was made for a particular person, they should get first dibs at it.

And honestly, I'm mostly judging the dad here since apparently SD asked him if she could have a cupcake.  Since they were a surprise for him, he didn't know anything about them before SD told him.  In which case i feel he should have said check with SM first.  Or just said no since cupcakes aren't a breakfast food lol

tog redux's picture

Why would anyone make "I LOVE YOU" cupcakes for one person in the house? That part I don't get at all.  It almost seems like she just wanted them to be off limits to the skid - again, marking her territory.

For God's sake, just make cupcakes for everyone and give DH a grown-up treat. This just seems petty to me.

LittleBoPeep's picture

The cupcakes were the husbands Valentines Day gift.  I highly doubt (hope) they were not only intended for the Dad.  Just like when you get a birthday cake, it's for the person who is having a birthday but everyone gets some after it's presented to the birthday boy or girl lol.

futurobrillante99's picture

"I can't imagine my mother making something for my father and then slapping our hands when we looked at it.  This crap just doesn't happen in intact families, does it? I'm not sure she even ever got him anything for V-day."

Not in my house. I'd get my a$$ beat if I touched something special my mom made for my dad, church or some other function. We 4 kids knew better - we ALWAYS had to ask.

futurobrillante99's picture

Yes. We were certainly not disciplined appropriately, but the same rules apply in my house. Any food that is usually there is typically available to everyone.

But my kids knew if I was making something unusual or special, they had better ask. My kids learned respect and consideration without beatings, thankfully.

Petronella's picture

obviously special or home baked or part of a set like these cupcakes, it’s common sense to ask the person n who made them what they’re for.

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Yeah right. It’s okay for Stepbrats to mess with someone else’s birthday cake before the birthday person even gets to blow out the candles. Eyeroll.

pickles45's picture

Well I grew up with a mom that I am now like - Holidays are for everyone you care for! And if you care for them you do things or buy things that show you care. I even used to send all of my girlfriends Vday cards. They loved it!! They actually got bummed when I stopped. (But at $5 plus a card plus postage times a dozen girlfriends I just had to stop.) Vday is a holiday about LOVE NOT LOVERS!

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Disagree. It is the one day dedicated to romantic love. Christmas is for the greedy guts.

futurobrillante99's picture

Amen!! My siblings and I were like ravenous savages and we lived on a STRICT budget. Taking without asking would bankrupt my mom's grocery budget and summon the she devil.

HowLongIsForever's picture

Same for us - though it didn't apply to just food. 

There was a respect for the household as a unit and each parental unit drilled into us (even if my mom took the brunt of us kids).  We certainly were not allowed to play one parent against the other. 

There were consequences for inconsiderate and selfish behavior once we were taught and old enough to know better.  Our home wasn't ruled with an iron fist, either.  Just respect and consideration.


ITB2012's picture

I have already freaked out on the entire household for eating something and not asking if it was for general consumption. They all know now that anything other than some core baked goods are off limits until you ask ME, not anyone else, ME.

I am also not stupid so I put a sign on things as to whether they are for the house or for something special and not to touch. If they eat something that clearly had don't-touch signage then they are in trouble.

futurobrillante99's picture

Skids ignored my "signs" so I started to cellophane the crap out of stuff I made for work functions and other people, then double bagging it. Ridiculous.

I remember during the holidays in 2017, I made a batch of cocktail meatballs. I made a smaller batch for XH2 and skids because I knew they'd pilfer the ones for work. XH2 was so childish. After eating early 3/4s of his 1/2 batch, he zeroed in on the work batch. I said NO. He said he just wanted to taste them to see if they were the same. No. He just wanted to be a jerk because he knew I didn't want them getting into mine. I watched that crock pot like a hawk and finally moved it into the spare bedroom where I could keep it away from him. I knew he'd sneak them all night if I didn't have it under lock and key. Freaking irritating. It's no surprise his kids acted the way they did - just like their dad.

Jcksjj's picture

My bio kids would also be in trouble if they ate something they weren't supposed to or that was a gift for someone else. The kids also do have plenty of treats themselves and get a ton at school so I wouldnt necessarily worry about them being left out, but I do normally get them something also for v day also.

I dont think I could handle being in a stepmom group on Facebook. Anything I happen to see that involves skids on their is so sickeningly child centric I want to gag and usually it's just reiterating a meme they saw without any critical thought put into it. Also there is way too many people that appear to have reading comprehension issues.

LittleBoPeep's picture

Some of the comments I saw were just completely ridiculous.  The kid probably ate them bc she thought you loved her but she will learn different today and how the skid would feel embarassed and ashamed.

LittleBoPeep's picture

Well are you a skid??? Bc if you are you can't have one! lmao *diablo**ROFL**diablo**ROFL*

tog redux's picture

Don't touch them!  I made them for my man! Beee

No dirty skid hands on my man's V-day gift!

Dovina's picture

But if your SM made them, phone daddy and ask cause he will never say no Wink

Aniki's picture

I want a dark chocolate cupcake with thick, fudgy frosting, a generous drizzle of caramel, and some sea salt. Nom nom nom...

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

I can't help but feel I have been a fly on this wall!

First, I can guarantee this isn't the first time of gift sabotage. It has been experienced here on all levels so I imagine others do too.

Also my guess is the SM was home when SD called dear old Dad for permission but A. SD doesn't speak to SM because God forbid! and B. Of course dad doesn't know anything about HIS gift yet so he would be answering out of ignorance all while SD covers her ass.

And for the love of God the cupcakes said I Love You for Valentines Day. Doesn't take a genius to know who they are for! This kid needs a swift kick in the ass. And if it were me I would bake a GIANT cupcake so that I could fit 'For Entitled Brats' complete with pink frosting and candy hearts! 

futurobrillante99's picture

Personally, I would have walked door to door in my neighborhood and handed out the rest of the cupcakes. When husband returned home with hankering for cupcakes and asked, I would say, "Oh, SD ate yours." LOL

Harry's picture

SD is home under SM care.  She calls BF who away from the home, not knowing what going on and ask him if she could eat them. This what causes all sorts of problems.  SM is home and should be asked.  This make SM feel like a babysitter not a SM  

Petronella's picture

Exactly, if SM is good enough to bake cupcakes that SK wants, she’s good enough to speak to and ask what the cupcakes are for. Calling dad instead is just sneaky, rude and disrespectful.

Scooster's picture

Wow. I'm not gonna lie, I wish I had these problems. If my biggest stepfamily problem of the day was my step kid ate a cupcake I'd be overjoyed.  

Mrs Fireball's picture

SD ate a cupcake for breakfast? I've heard that called a "whore's breakfast". 

Seriously who eats cupcakes for breakfast? I'm in. 

Monkeysee's picture

If I could eat cupcakes for breakfast every day & still feel good I’d be all over it! 

DPW's picture

Guilty. We are eating cupcakes this morning for breakfast. C'mon over! LOL!

Frustrated future SM's picture

Valentine's day is not just for lovers. It's for anyone to express their love for the people in their life. It could be friends, an SO, children, whoever. Plenty of people spend Valentine's day with their friends or family or a partner. I've also received gifts from friends or a relative or a boyfriend. 

I think this SM is being petty. Who bakes cupcakes knowing kids LOVE sweets just for the dad. I agree that that's weird. Any decent person would've just baked them for the whole family anyway because I doubt that dad would've eaten all of them himself anyway. And they were his gift to give away. If she's just mad that he didn't see them, well she could've taken pics after she finished baking them. I do think SD should've just asked the adult in the house though instead of calling daddy.

Monkeysee's picture

If it was a cake instead of cupcakes would you feel the same way? SD calls daddee & asks for a piece of the nice cake, daddee not knowing what it is/who it’s for, says yes (he hadn’t been given them yet so didn’t know who or what they were for), and SD takes a nice big slice of cake before SM gives it to the intended party. I’m sorry, that’s incredibly rude. 

I don’t think these cupcakes were meant for adults only, but they hadn’t even been *given* to him yet. And why call daddee when SM - the person who made them - was actually in the house?

Where does this behaviour stop? Today it’s cupcakes, tomorrow it’s SM’s perfume & jewelry. I’m sorry, but unless he knew they were his (aka he’d been presented with them & they were his to give), he was wrong for saying yes. 

If SM HAD already given them to him, then there shouldn’t be an issue. Because you’re right, making cupcakes & not allowing skids to eat them while the adults enjoy is horrible. I really don’t think that’s what’s happened here, so no it isn’t petty. It’s called respect & manners, something that seems lost these days.

futurobrillante99's picture

Honestly, as stepmothers, you know the crap we put up with on a daily basis. This was probably one of MANY slights and disrespect she's been on the receiving end of.

Her "pettiness" speaks of being weary of no one respecting her time and effort. If she was the child's mother, everyone would be celebrating her calling her own child out, but precious snowflake COD, so now she's petty.

Petronella's picture

I would like a moratorium on the word “petty.” If something is important to someone it’s important to them. There is no need to minimize someone’s opinions or feelings by calling them “petty.” It’s dismissive and almost gaslighting sometimes.  Feelings matter and context matters.

Stepkids can be pretty damn petty too but no one’s allowed to point that out. 

Mumof8's picture

I highly doubt she is petty.  It was probably cupcakes with one or more letters that spelled out I Love You and the SD ruined the message and the surprisel.  If BM dropped off a set of cupcakes for the daughters birthday and SM ate one, you'd be jumping down her throat.  I think clearly there is more than this evidence of boundary breaking and also rudeness.  The number one indicator or a failed second marriage is a teenage stepdaughter.  This 13 year old may have intentionally tried to destroy an act of love and expression of such between SM and Dad.  

Monkeysee's picture

Yes but the dad was complicit here because he let his DD take one instead of asking SM who/what they were for first. This is a DH problem moreso than a case of pettiness.

tog redux's picture

I dunno. Anyone who is having a giant fit about a flippin' cupcake is petty in my book.

I suppose I didn't have a skid who tried to undermine me or destroy my relationship, but cryin' in your soup over one missing cupcake seems petty to me, no matter what the context.  I get annoyance at skids not following rules, or whatever, but honestly - this isn't about that.  This, to me, is about a competition between skid and SM that the SM is perpetuating.

If the skids ate them all and smeared icing all over the kitchen while smirking in her face, maybe. But kids are kids, and they like cupcakes.  I just see a woman who needs to mark her territory and play the victim.

Maybe my skid liked me because I didn't assume he always meant the worst, I don't know.

Monkeysee's picture

We don’t know if that SM had a giant fit though. It’s sparked a big debate here (which is hilarious IMO), but we don’t actually know anything about this SM or her home life.

Maybe she threw a fit, maybe she was just venting about something that annoyed her. Who’s to say?

Without context we’re all just projecting, myself included. I’m going on what my mum would have expected of me, not how I’d actually respond to my skids.

Personally, if it was one cupcake that was taken one time, I might be annoyed but I’d let it go. If my DH constantly undermined me & the boys always took my things & showed a general lack of respect, that cupcake could be a tipping point.

tog redux's picture

I suppose. I assume if you care enough to post and vent on the internet, then it's a pretty big deal, at least it takes a big deal to get me to post a thread about something.

It's popular on here to assume skids are always bad and to blame, but on more than one occasion I see SMs actively competing with skids themselves, instead of harnessing the actual power they have as the man's partner.

And yes, many of them blame the skids instead of DH, where it belongs.

Monkeysee's picture

I see what you mean. I don’t think the skid was wrong here, if the SM is that annoyed by it she’s either competing like you said or she’s got a DH problem, & this is just another one of those things. 

I don’t write many of my own blogs at all, but when I do it’s usually just to vent about something that’s bugging me. It doesn’t mean I let it ruin my day or that I even speak to DH about it. Last time I blogged DH didn’t even know I was upset in the slightest. I knew it was my issue & I came here for advice, support & alternative points of view, which is exactly what I needed & what I got. 

That SM might have been doing the same thing, or maybe she really is just petty & making a mountain out of a cupcake. Lol

futurobrillante99's picture

It is RUDE AF to help yourself to the efforts of someone else, especially when you go to the trouble to ask permission from someone who had nothing to do with it.

Did no one read some of you the story about The Little Red Hen? This story is a story of Step Life. The Little Red Hen is the stepmother.

Listen and learn. I learned at a really young age not to sit on my a$$ and try to get a piece of the cake someone else busted their a$$ to make.

fourbrats's picture

when something is special. We have a general "food is for everyone" and no rules about asking since the kids were little but if something is special I just leave a note. I am not huge on controlling what the kids eat once they hit elementary school age and we eat everything in moderation (I have chocolate next to the kale lol) so the expectation was just to make reasonable choices and for the most part it worked. There were moments where a kid would be sick because they ate an entire sleeve of Oreos but those were rare and taught a lesson. Middle DD is the one most likely to bake something special and she does the same thing I do, she leaves a note. 


Monkeysee's picture

We have the ask before you eat junk rule in our house because if we didn’t it’d be all the boys eat. I don’t mind them eating anything we have in the house, but no you can’t live purely on chips, candy & chocolate on my watch lol. They don’t have to ask to eat the healthy stuff.

GrabitAndGo's picture

I can't believe everyone is getting so bent out of shape over a cupcake.  Seriously.  Y'all are making it sound like this one cupcake is going to immediately lead the skid down a path of grand larceny and other felonies.  First of all, we see it on here all the time that skids should ask their bioparent if they want something, and leave the stepparent out of it.  So the girl called her dad and asked if she could have a cupcake.  He said yes.  The big deal is...? Secondly, NOWHERE does it say the SM was at home for the SD to ask.  Everyone is ASSUMING she was.  How come no one is roasting the dad for not finding out from his wife if the cupcakes were meant for everyone before telling his kid she could have one?

tog redux's picture

I'm with you.  I think it's just SM competing with skid, personally.  And they were his damn cupcakes to give away. (People did roast the dad for that, though).

I think it's petty and immature on the SM's part.


GrabitAndGo's picture

I'm SMH that people are so up in arms over a cupcake of all damn things.  It's not the end of the freaking world.  

futurobrillante99's picture

The cupcake is merely symbolic of entitled people helping themselves to the labors of others without regard or respect.

Lilywen's picture

But I there is no way to blog the whole story. There is context in everything. I can't forget the time 4 years ago that I made my now stbxh a birthday cake. We each had a small slice (me, stbx, and ss then about 14). More than half of the cake was left in the fridge for the next day... until ss came home from school and turned more than half of a full size cake into an after school snack. The next time I baked I wrapped up the goods with a note that said "DO NOT EAT -ASK FIRST". Ss told PrisonMom who called CPS on me for forbidding her pweshuss baby food. Lol. Context. That's all I got.

tog redux's picture

I could see my brother doing the exact same thing as a teen. And if it was your bio son, would you be so offended, or would you just say, "Well, teen boys, you know how they are with food!"

Most of these SMs would not be so angry at the bio kid for doing this very same thing. They wouldn't assume it was an attempt to undermine their relationship and mark their territory, as they do with skids.

Monkeysee's picture

Quite a few posters have actually said they would be upset with their own bio for doing the same thing. 

I have a brother who is & has always been super active. He’s also 6’3, so you can imagine what his appetite was like as a teen... he still knew better than to take baked goods if he wasn’t sure who they were for, and he never went to our dad to ask because he knew what the answer would be.

Theres been lots of examples of how food is handled in intact families or with bio kids in this thread.

Monkeysee's picture

Well, you’ve never met my mother Wink also, again, where does it say that SM is *that* upset?  You’ve decided that since she posted about it she’s beside herself over this, but unless you’ve seen the post yourself you don’t actually know what’s what.

You *could* be right. But you might not be. Same with everyone who’s presented their opinion here, that’s why context is important.

tog redux's picture

You're right.  I'm reacting more to the people in this thread who are all up in arms about it, for a bio kid or a step kid, quite frankly.

It just doesn't sound that awful to me.  If either bio or step ate ALL OF THEM, with no permission from DH, I could see the annoyance.

Monkeysee's picture

Very true. I’ll tell you what though, there is NO WAY I’m not going home tonight & making an ooey gooey batch of heavenly chocolate cupcakes after all this talk. 

If the skids were here they’d be more than welcome to have some.. but they’re not so all the more for me! (And DH I guess) Lol

futurobrillante99's picture

I don't know how often you guys bake, but I don't do it often. Maybe it's not very fun for me - I don't know.

But when I go to the trouble to bake a cake or cookies or make a special dessert, you had best believe I will be pissed off if someone wolfs it down like it's some cheap a$$ hostess or store bought cake.

Baking happened rarely enough in my house that people knew it was not to be gobbled down senselessly. You make sure everyone (there were 5 of us) got a fair portion or you'd be in trouble. Piggies and gluttons were not allowed.

TwoOfUs's picture

I think if it's clear that the cupcakes were a gift or for someone else (or as others have mentioned, a full decorated cake for someone else) then it's very rude to take one before the intended recipient has had a chance to see the gift. It's like unwrapping someone else's gift, in a way. 

My OSD once ate the entire top crust off the chicken pot pie that I made...which I discovered when the guests said they'd like seconds and I went back into the kitchen. I had to apologize and say...sorry, no seconds. 

I was mortified and livid about this disgusting, rude behavior (she was 16 at the time) and would have been livid if it were my own kid.

The difference? If it were my own kid, I would have been able to enforce an appropriate punishment...and then the incident would have been over. Hopefully my kid would have learned his/her lesson, become a better person, and we would all move on. Forgive and forget.  

As it was, I just had to stand there hapless and dumbfounded when I brought it to DH's attention and he literally said: "Well, you never told her not to eat the crust!" and then did nothing. And I resent that moment to this day...because nothing was done and OSD didn't even have to apologize to me. It was never made right with me. 

I think that's often why stepmoms seem "so upset" over seemingly small things. Because they have very little power to enforce boundaries and do anything about it...they so rarely get any kind of apology from skids...and then when they do say something they sound petty and get told: "Well. You wouldn't feel that way about your biokid, now would you??" As if that's some kind of damning condemnation. 

No. I wouldn't feel that way about my bio because I'd be allowed to parent and raise my bio correctly and insist it be made right. But if it's my skid, I can't just tell the rude little snot: "Um. You ruined my Valentine's Day surprise for your dad by calling him rather than asking me, and then you ate the cupcakes I baked specifically for him. That was wrong. I want an apology and no electronics this weekend." 

If we had the power to discipline...then maybe we wouldn't express as much outrage or be "overly upset" by these small things?  

TwoOfUs's picture

It's just rude not to ask. My niece and nephews ask me about everything when they come over...even when we've specifically baked the cupcakes/brownies/cookies/etc. FOR them. They take one...and then ask before they take another...