Get Him OUT!!
Okay, so I have the SS22, who is still in college (hopefully his last year) and has a part time job. His girlfriend comes to the house every weekend to live in his room with him. He has two cars, paid for. DH and I pay the insurance (come to think of it, we need to stop doing that). He's a slob. The only thing he does for our home is put his dishes in the dishwasher, and that's because I had fought with DH about that. He does NOT:
take out trash
mow the lawn
feed the dogs
sweep/mop
clean the toilet bowl he pisses all over
clean the garage he uses for all his car repairs
CLEAN HIS OWN ROOM unless DH fights with him about it
He's a good-hearted kid, but lazy and too old to be here!!
WHAT CAN I DO TO GET THIS KID OUT OF THIS HOUSE???? Any tactics, hints, persuasive phrases, blackmail language...ANYTHING??
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Comments
ugh!!!God give me courage!!
ugh!!!God give me courage!!
Lisa- lots of courage being
Lisa- lots of courage being sent your way!!!
thank you sooo much. I feel
thank you sooo much. I feel so alone in this. I talk to my sister on the phone and I can tell her everything I want to say to my DH and skids. But when the time comes, I crawl into my shell and suppress my thoughts and feelings.
You can dooo eeet Lisa!!
You can dooo eeet Lisa!!
Make a rule that girlfriends
Make a rule that girlfriends can't stay over or constantly be 'around'. If he is livig at home and wants to act like a child then he will be treated like one. Then enforce the good ole' "if you live in my house...my rules" philosophy. Then tell him "If he wants privacy he is always more than welcome to get his own place..." Best way to get a kid out is the privledge of freedom. If they already have freedom at mom/dad's then they'll never leave.
I so love this ^^^!
I so love this ^^^!
Yup. Instigate the
Yup. Instigate the 'increasing rent' plan. Find out what the average one bedroom place rents for in your city. Say its $800. Tell him you are gonna give him a smokin' good deal and starting in two months he is only going to have to pay $400 a month. BUT six months after that he's going to have to pay $600 a month. And six more months after that he's going to pay $800. He MIGHT pay that but after that it goes to $1200 at which time it no longer makes sense to live at home.
This gives him time to find a job, eases him into the idea of paying his way without making it onerous and eventually gives him the strong hint that if he's paying that much he may as well be living some place on his own.
This is gonna have to be a
This is gonna have to be a conversation with my DH. He just doesn't get it though. SS22 isn't doing anything to prepare himself to live on his own. He too has a part time job and is a full time student. He uses all his money to hype up his Corvette. He pays the cable bill and the internet and he thinks because he does that, he shouldn't have to do anything in the house and can have his girlfriend spend the weekends at the house. My DH and I do everything. The only thing DH can get them to do is clean their room and the guest bathroom BUT that's only done half assed and ONLY after DH loses his temper.
The bottom line is, I'm gonna tell my DH that there has to be a date on which SS has to be on his own. I will not help support a grown man living in my home. I know this is gonna piss off my DH, but he needs to realize, I don't have to support a grown man.
HappySearch: I had the
HappySearch:
I had the conversation with DH last night. It came up during dinner. I basically explained to him that having him stay in the room with his girlfriend on the weekends turns our home into a motel. He actually vocalized that the kid "has no reason to leave." So he knows where I'm coming from, but he's got the paternal emotional attachment.
I tried to explain to him that since his son has this job, he needs to talk to him about saving money. His response disappointed me: "95% of Americans live check to check." I thought, how ignorant is that. But I responded nicely, "If you know that, why wouldn't you start teaching your child how to prevent that? Start telling him to save money so that he has at least 3 months rents set a side, 3 months insurance payments, 3 months utilities."
I told him I was not going to continue supporting a grown man. He said I was supporting a COLLEGE STUDENT!! I didn't entertain that b/c he realized how stupid it sounded.
The conversation ended like this, "I'd like him to stay here," he said. "Well he can't," she replied!!
He's gotta go!!
Thanks for the advice. It did help.
I love the positive spin you
I love the positive spin you put on this.
I want my own sons to become strong responsible men. I don't think coddling kids helps them at all.
We put the conversation to rest for now, but I will remember "you will always feel that" because "you're the Dad" the next time it comes up.
My DH is a hands-off type of parent and I'm the complete opposite. I don't micromanage my bio sons, I guide them at this point, especially my 19 y/o. But I'm sure to look at their bank accounts and tell them to put money aside, I look at their grades and tell them to step it up, I check out their appearance and tell them to clean it up... I don't do the online banking for them, I taught them how to do it. I don't do homework with them; I've already taught them how to do that. I don't take them to get a haircut; if they can drive to a skate park, they can drive to the barber. At my sons' ages, 19 and 16, it's more about guidance.
But since my SS22 doesn't seem to be making any preparations to be on his own, I need to push DH. I WILL NOT SUPPORT A GROWN MAN WHO HAS A JOB, GOES TO SCHOOL, HAS TWO CARS, AND SCREWS HIS WOMAN!!
I'm not doing it for my boys and I won't do it for his!!
Please keep the positive points coming.
He's really not needy. He's
He's really not needy. He's LAZY to do anything other than what HE likes to do. He can work on his car all day long, but ask him to take out the trash and you've asked him for a testicle!!
I think I will do the "walking in on them" tactic. That young lady has no self value.....really. I'm getting my DH to see me eye to eye on this. I just have to tread lightly b/c I do love my husband. But I love myself too and want to be alone with my DH sooner than later.
At this point, DH is scared to death I'm gonna leave him b/c of these skids. He's not off mark. I told him yesterday it's hard for me live here. But I'm not leaving!!! I live here and will continue to bitch and rant about what I deserve. And he'll just have to deal with me as a wife OR roommate, but I'M NOT LEAVING!!
I don't watch Dr Phil anymore
I don't watch Dr Phil anymore but he used to always say, "you aren't raising kids, you are raising adults." Meaning you should be teaching your kids the morals and life lessons that will help them become mature responsible adults. Tell dh he needs to play catch up and finish raising his already adult!
I have a college-aged son.
I have a college-aged son. But he is away at college. Away as in about 800 miles away in another state. He has a very serious girlfriend. They are both about to graduate from college and are talking marriage. It's that serious.
They come to visit us every few months. He sleeps in his brother's room. She sleeps in the guest room. They respect us and our home enough not to even hint at sharing a room together. They aren't married.
I guess my point is, your SS has it made. Y'all have given him a no-tell-motel. Why would he ever leave?
My BIL is 32 and still living
My BIL is 32 and still living in his mom's (my MIL) basement. This is after his dad (my FIL) kicked him out of that apartment. This is a person who has a FT job with benefits.
You and your DH need to put your foot down now! Or you risk having a similar situation!!!
I really get sick of BIL complaining of how things are run in MIL's house.
BIL: They woke me up AGAIN!
Me: There is a solution to THAT problem!
BIL: I can't believe my mom went through my stuff
Me: She was looking for your dirty laundry to do. If you got your OWN place...
etc.etc.etc