I'm on a phone so I apologize for the formatting.
My story is a bit long. I am married and have one bio son age 8. I have 2 SS ages 11.5 and 9. I lived with my SO and SK's last year for 3 months with my bio son.
I had to move out after 3 months because the environment was chaos. Luckily my house didn't sell so I was able to go back easily.
My SK's would not listen to me, my bio son developed difficult behaviors due to the environment and missing his old school and home, and my SO wouldn't help with any household chores, going to bed at 7pm and leaving me to deal with getting the kids to bed at night and didn't help most mornings before school. I was trying to do it all while working FT and driving 1.5 hours each way to work. I lost 40 lbs and wasn't sleeping due to the stress, so I knew I had to go. We decided to try to make our marriage work in separate houses.
SO was on an antidepressant which he claims made him just void of feelings. He stopped taking the antidepressant about 6 months ago. I still resent that period of time because it was hell.
Back to current time. I'm living in my house in a different town and my son is doing well.
My SO has his son's FT except EOW and he works weekends for 6 months through late Spring and Summer
I've been watching SK's EOW with my bio son, through 6 months last year and about 6 months this year, while SO works.
The SK's fight relentlessly: hitting, choking eachother at times, calling eachother terrible names, block eachother from the internet over video games. They are also not expected to keep their rooms clean, pick up toys strewn all over the house, and throw their dirty clothes on the floor and wet towels from the shower. My SO says it's just easier for him to clean up. It's like he expects nothing from them.
When I watch the SK's I have to constantly separate them, put them in time-outs, take privleges, and it's constant all weekend long. My bio son starts acting up as he sees the behaviors from SK's.
I told SO I cannot watch his kids anymore as they do not respect me, talk back, and it's making me anxious and dread even being around.
SO said an expectation of his is being a "family" and spouses watch eachother's kids to help out.
I never agreed to watch his kids this much and fell into it honestly. I wouldn't mind if they weren't so badly behaved but I cannot take it anymore.
My SK's act up with their Grandma when she watches them during the week while my SO works. SO says she just stays consistent in making them behave and that's what I need to do. SO says the kids don't see Grandma and I as authority figures and he cannot tell them to, as they will just blow it off.
SO wants my bio son and I to eventually move back and be a "family." I told him I am not uprooting my child again and not coming to a house where the kids run everything. He claims if I lived here they would respect my position as an authority figure.
I think that's a load of BS. I think my SO has failed in parenting and now his kids are out of control. I don't waht my bio son to live in a house like his. My bio son has been parented where he respects others and has consequences for bad behaviors.
I'm thinking I just need to end this marriage. I'm not watching his kids next Sumner while he works when they behave so badly. I've lost respect for my SO as a parent and as a husband. I feel like he views me as a nanny and expects me to give my all when I get very little in return.
Any advice on this? I've tried and tried to talk to SO about this and he remarks I'm being selfish and he's tired of talking about nothing but problems. I'm tired of living this way.