How many confirmations are needed?!
I am honestly wondering if its me being sensitive or as I suspect, bm doing her usual controlling and deliberately rearing her ugly head.
Only a few weeks ago we said that, as we are abroad (3 days returned yesterday then straight to a concert last night for my bday ) so shall we make up the time with ss. Bm jumped at chance and said yes this Sunday to weds (so she can go away with bf) cool, whatever. This is all by email for this exact kinda reason. But ss also messaged from his phone Thurs 'see you on sunday' etc.
Friday whilst we are away, email comes in 'I'm just reconfirming, blah blah' well yes, it's all confirmed 3 times over, so not gonna bother answering, as we are on holiday, (only saw it due to looking for an email about a hire car)
Gets back, my birthday yesterday n 9pm at front of concert ss is messaging from his phone saying am I still coming Sunday as you haven't answered mummy's email.
Give me strength!!! Can she /they not just leave us alone to enjoy ourselves and not contact us over trivia we've agreed to time and again, and it's a week ahead!!! And again, why is she making ss anxious and worried telling him and using his phone!!! To me it's perfectly reasonable that if you are away you won't be looking for emails from hag or anyone else when you've covered everything. So sick of this s#it everytime. To me it feels deliberate and I can't think how else to stop her doing it everytime
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Nope, we will never be left alone
Because by incessantly messaging and/or picking fights, it is assured that the attention will stay firmly on them. In this case, she's looking for assurance that she will get to carry on with her plans with BF.
I mean how dare you do anything for yourself when she has his child in her home?! /Sarcasm
To be honest, it is not
To be honest, it is not unusual to reconfirm an appointment etc.. proximate to the event. It sounds like the agreement was reached several weeks ago. So that was once. there was another incidental message from his SON (not BM)... saying he looked forward to seeing him on that day. Then BM wanted to reconfirm right before.. which was just her 2nd communication on the subject.. and I can understand someone wanting to make sure the other party remembered a departure from the normal schedule.. especially in her case where she was going away.. so if for some reason his father forgot or couldn't acomodate his son at the last minute.. her plans would be toast.. and this second confirmation was for peace of mind.
I don't see it as excessive really.. and I think your DH could have sent a message back.. "yes.. look forward to getting him Sunday".. and that would have been that.
Yeah, I agree - it doesn't
Yeah, I agree - it doesn't seem excessive, but I know there is probably context about BM's other actions.
At any rate, if she's pulling SS into it, DH can just say, "Yep, nothing has changed," and be done with it.
I do appreciate this
Of course you can reconfirm, especially if the other party Is forgetful, which he's not. But why start doing that Friday first day of our holiday when the date in question is still what 9 days later. There is also messages on ss phone which she mostly takes control of from few days before have a good week see you (correct date) to my mind shes putting unessersary anxiety in ss. Your dad hasn't answered me so can you message him etc, he's proving to be an anxious ocd kid and things like this just make it worse.
Start a google calendar and
Start a google calendar and share it with her. Give her view, but not edit. Then block her on your phone.
Thank you
I will look into this. She's blocked on our phones she can only contact us by email. If she isn't answered immediately she'll use ss, get him to whataspp us. She's been constantly asked to not involve him in contact arrangements but nope, yet again 'daddy didn't answer my email' which we wld have done 3 days later and with 6 days to spare
DH cant go am hour without
DH cant go am hour without his phone gping off. 4 skids, BM or work...actually BM isnt too bad unless shes up to something lol.
BM here does that sometimes
BM here does that sometimes in a pretty condescending manner. Or at least the wording/tone comes off very condescending, but she kind of talks like that in general I guess. Like were not capable of remembering because shes the real parent and were basically children. I usually just give one responses like okay or yep.
I think it kind of depends on context though. In this situation it sounds unnecessary to keep reconfirming. If the original plan was talked about like a month ago I can see why you would.