Oh, they tell us, but not until they see us, which is EOWE. I have about had it with OSS and anything last minute because he has a cell phone that he can text us about. But, then again, even IF he told us he needed this stuff, OSS would need to try stuff on. DH would have had to take time out of this weekend or the last to take him out, so it's a bit of a wash either way.

Oh, my DH and BM are divorced. Have been for over a decade. The boys hate That people sometimes call them by their SF's last namr because it's BM's last name. So she wants to change her last name BACK to DH's (and now mine) last name to match the kids.

The kids who are teenagers. One of which graduates in less than 3 years. Those "kids".

I agree with you about my DH. It frustrates me. He has moments where he stands up to her and tells her no, but he's also beat down with work right now and isn't interested in adding more stress/drama to his life. I get that, and really, it irks me more than it causes problems. He doesn't give her money - if the boys need something, he pays for it directly. He does tell her no about other things. He doesn't really care about her and her life. But when he is tired and stress, he takes the path of least resistance with everyone.

Really, making a copy of the decree took him 30 seconds. I didn't do it. I didn't have to give it to her. I am uninvolved other than I know he did it. I wish he hadn't, but I don't know that it's worth having a sit down over, either. It was for something OSS needed but has no control over, and it was the fastest way to solve the problem. I get it. It's still annoying.

Regarding the clothes, I agree, and this is a point I plan on bringing up with DH.

BM and DH don't text or email often. They usually text EOW regarding drop off (BM had a crazy work schedule). Emails happen every once in a blue moon. This isn't the issue. The issue is not being informed of things until last minute.

He is on the school lists and gets SOME things, but apparently not everything. He needs to follow-up with whoever this advisor is and let them know he needs on THAT list, too. The schools around here don't do well with including both parents, even when both parents ask to be included.

He is ordered to pay all. He pays the schools directly (now) for things. He never hands BM money anymore. This was a big thing DH has overcome. He used to give her cash for everything, but I refused to live that way. He hasn't given her cash directly for a long time.

What he is afraid of is things going back to how they were. BM was a top-notch HCGUBM. Withheld kids in a state that doesn't enforce visitation. Tried PASing the kids but they didn't bite. Lied to DH about where the kids were living and who they were living with. Lied to the judge when they got divorced that she was "scared" of DH. Pushed new DH as "Daddy". Brings men in and out of the kid's lives. Didn't work for a long time.

BM has shaped up enough that things are relatively peaceful, but it also means that she isn't doing enough to warrant a court visit. We'd pay out thousands for the CO to be rewritten for her to pay 30% of their expenses that she'll never pay. She would quit working if she were COed to pay something, and judges around here wouldn't give DH custody because they won't "rip kids from their mothers".

Things are WAY better than they were. DH does need to do better, but there is fear that it will go back to the way it was before. Things are MUCH quieter and MUCH more peaceful than they used to be. I don't want the drama, neither does he, and he won't get any legal support if he tries to tackle this.

This isn't an issue of him wanting nicer clothes. This is an issue of he doesn't have any and she won't/can't buy it. OSS doesn't care about brand; he just wants pants because he doesn't have them.

Two years ago, she sent the kids without coats, gloves, and hats because she couldn't "afford" it. In winter,  she sent them to us in jackets. Fine, so she can't afford coats (BS, but let's pretend I buy that excuse). But she can't tell me she can't afford gloves and hats when we took them to the dollar store to buy them. 

That's what I mean by she just won't. She'll let their hair grow into their eyes. She'll let them wear underwear held together by threads. She'll have them wear shoes that talk (and talk badly). And the courts here will just tell DH to go buy them clothes like a good father.

It absolutely boggles my mind that the courts will allow it. That they care more about kids having a relationship with their mother than they do about the kids. I watched my XBIL pay CS on my oldest niece, but when my SSis went to jail and he went for full custody of all the girls, he was told he couldn't have the oldest because she wasn't biologically his. He was her father enough to pay for her, but not enough to have custody.

It is just madness here. I get frustrated that DH doesn't do more, but I also know that all he'll get is punished with no one holding BM accountable. Heck, my SDad spent 10 YEARS in court just to get his XW to drop the kids off at his place versus making him do all the driving. That's no exaggeration. My SDad had to buy clothes and take the tags off them because his XW wouldn't buy my SBro clothing and would sell them or take them back to the store if she knew where they came from. GUBMs have it GOLDEN here because no one holds them accountable.

DH could be more of a hard are, and he should be in certain respects especially as the kids get older. But I will hate life if he tries holding her more accountable and all she does is slip back into being a crazy B, which she has done before when she doesn't get her way.

So what do you do when things are mostly adequate, but BM knows she can do whatever without consequence? Stick it to her and hope she'll be different this time, or just ride it out since it's usually not that big of a deal?