Brainstorming
Dh's dad called him last night and offered to pay for an apartment for 3 months for him and sd. His thinking is that this will show the court dh is serious about taking custody. Dh can then use that 3 months to figure out a way to help sd with her allergies. If after 3 months there is no improvement they can move into his parents house. Dh and his dad are going to look into apartments today to try and find one that does short term leases in her school zone so he can tell the court she won't have to switch schools. Once dh has custody he can move where he wants right?
Here is where he stands right now
-no move clause in the co
-going to have an apartment in sd's school zone so sd stays in the same school
- none allergy causing home for sd
Do you think this increases his chances of getting custody so bm can't move her across the country?
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Comments
He needs to talk with her
He needs to talk with her first to ascertain what she wants. It's pointless for him to get an apartment if she wants to move with mom.
He is.
He is.
Then wait and see what she
Then wait and see what she says before making plans, renting apartments and finding out if he can move her afterwards on the down low.
Dh isn't a bad parent either.
Dh isn't a bad parent either. Why should he not have his dd because bm is moving. They agreed no one could move her away.
" Once dh has custody he can
" Once dh has custody he can move where he wants right?" Short answer: NO.
Long answer: If DH makes his custody case about how SD can stay in the same school and in an allergy free home with him, then as soon as your DH moves to change that BM can file to take custody again. Unless this separate apartment is the long term plan, don't waste the money on it.
Bm will be across the country
Bm will be across the country so it will be harder for her to fight for custody.
Doesn't matter. She can have
Doesn't matter. She can have her lawyer appear for her and call in. She'll already have a local lawyer since she's already engaged one for the current dispute.
Look, I get how your DH is feeling. I showed your story to DH and he agreed that he would be doing everything in his power to get his daughter back. But he also thinks your DH is going to lose. Even with a "no moving" clause because of the allergy issue. He recommended a duplex instead of an apartment, but I know you said finances are tight right now.
A big part of why my DH and I don't think you are going to win is that your SD is 14 and has expressed a desire NOT to take allergy meds. She's not old enough to really make her own decisions, but she is approaching the age where even doctors will not reveal information if she asks them not to. And your DH's ONLY solution is to force allergy shots on her and let her stay in an allergy free home until the shots kick in. So in a contested custody situation, I do see the judge siding with BM.
We are considering a duplexe.
We are considering a duplexe. We haven't sat down to see what they cost and if we can afford one. It takes time to sell a house and buy one though. We are just grasping at straws to keep her here.
If her dr says she can take
If her dr says she can take allergy meds than the court can't say no, right?
Nope bad idea... this kid ill
Nope bad idea... this kid ill have to adjust again and again...
DH should either rent it permanently or take SD to a doctor for a second opinion and some good meds, ones she will have no problem in taking
He can say that he is looking
He can say that he is looking for a house to buy for more stability and the apartment gives him 3 months to find one.
"He can say"? WTF is wrong
"He can say"?
WTF is wrong with the both of you? So you're suggesting he lies to a judge??
I have to do everything
I have to do everything possible so dh won't blame me and ds if the courts deny him a change of custody. He has to know that I fought right along with him.
That is what I am doing. I am
That is what I am doing. I am trying to help him when custody and we can figure out life afterwards.
When DH was going through his
When DH was going through his custody case, we took some of the things we'd been advised here and asked his lawyer about them. Some she agreed with and some she outright said were wrong.
I would hope everyone on here would do the same - take what you find and run it past the lawyer. I believe OP was advised to contact a lawyer in her first post as well. I thought that she was just trying to run different options past the folks on here who may have dealt with it before.
Dh has a lawyer. I am just
Dh has a lawyer. I am just running thoughts through you guys. He gives dhs chances at 30% to gain custody.
Like I said, I did the same
Like I said, I did the same thing for DH. At least your DH's lawyer is being pretty honest about his chances. Now if SD14 WANTS to stay, then do the chances change per your lawyer?
He said if she wants to stay
He said if she wants to stay he would give our chances 80% if dh has an allergy free home and she stays in the same school.
He gives us a 50% chance of winning if sd wants to stay and takes the allergy meds on her own and she stays in the same school.
Sounds like one of the keys
Sounds like one of the keys is staying in the same school. If at the dinner SD says she wants to stay, you may want to start looking for duplexes in that school district. It might be better to go before the judge with a temporary apartment and an offer on a permanent home, or at least proof that you are seeking a permanent home in her school district. The problem I see with that is your BS having to change schools? Would he be alright with that or does he need the security of his school?
Sd and bs go to the same
Sd and bs go to the same school now. Both dh and bm live in the same zone. The grandparents don't so if sd and dh lived there she would need to switch schools.
Ah, I see. I missed that
Ah, I see. I missed that part.
This is a military move, BM
This is a military move, BM has Primary, the SD won't even visit at your home due to allergies. Your DH will lose this fight.
Something to consider... if
Something to consider... if Grandpa is willing to fork out, what $1000 a month for 3mo ($3000), I bet Grandpa is willing to instead put less than $200 a month out for a plane ticket.
My niece is divorcing her husband. They have a three year old. Dad is living on campus going to school in Boston. Mom is moved back from where they lived in Birmingham area to Chi-town area where her family is. Dad flies in one weekend a month for visitation. Dad just had six days for Thanksgiving. GrandpaDad drove up to Illinois to take the child to Alabama for the visitation and Dad flew down from Boston to his parents.
My niece is working hard at making this work for her son. It's important to both parents and extended family that this child remains as connected to both sides as possible.
My point is, where there is a willing, there is a way. Your SD being in Texas if that's what turns out best for her does not necessarily mean he's losing his daughter or that everything is all to blame on you. Niece's toddler does lot of skype with his father and grandparents also. He's three, a 14yr old would be fingertips away.
If his choices are his
If his choices are his daughtet moving across the country or take allergy medicine than he will force the allergy medicine. He shouldn't lose his daughter over this. He can find one that doesn't give her side effects once bm isn't here to tell she does not have to take it!
" She has also fake passed
" She has also fake passed out in the street and was almost ran over by a car so no dr will say she should take allergy meds. No one wants to risk the lawsuit. We fought with her but due to her severe reactions to Bear and her fake passing out dh allows her to stay with his parents every other week for visitation and he goes there. " [from OP's first blog]
I think it's a pretty safe bet to say there will be no forcing.
"If his choices are his daughtet moving across the country or take allergy medicine than he will force the allergy medicine. He shouldn't lose his daughter over this. He can find one that doesn't give her side effects once bm isn't here to tell she does not have to take it!" [from OP today, above]
The more she comments, the more unrealistic she becomes. *shrugs*
So sorry your family is going
So sorry your family is going through all of this, and of course getting rid of your son's dog is out of the question. And you are right to worry about fallout from your DH after the ruling comes down, especially since your DH sounds irrational.
How does he plan to force this girl to take allergy meds. What would that "forcing" look like? What would it entail? And how ridiculous is the idea that your husband is going to experiment on her to find the right allergy meds/dosage? How exactly will he determine that? Good grief. What judge would sign off on that idea?
Hopefully SD ends up with her BM. And hopefully your DH comes to accept it. I know you are stressed, but this is out of your hands. Good luck!
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