Stepped out. I’m Done
I ended things with my SO this weekend. Should have ended it six months ago but I am finally worn down to the point where I just don’t care anymore.
In last week we were talking about how to divide Christmas between my family, his family and what to do about the two SDs. It reduced me to a flood of tears. What should be a happy time is a mine field of emotional bombs.
This is not what I want in future, for the rest of my life. I don’t want to deal with a personality disordered BM who cannot see her daughter is destructive and needs help. SD is coming home for Christmas after being in juvenile detention for violence. She beat up a girl at school and punched a teacher so badly, her glasses broke and cut her face. This was after SD has assaulted me, and I told both SO and BM “THE GIRL NEEDS HELP”. BM responded with SD “is not crazy!!”. No, only angry and violent and as her parent you need to help her! BM’s solution to everything is drinking, lying or beating up people. ..
I feel sorry for the younger SD. I love that girl. She is the sweetest child ever and it hurt to say good bye to her. SO now has full custody of YSD and she finally has a stable home. EOWE visitation with BM results in some sort of meltdown. I do not want to pick up the pieces of a mess someone else created.
I called off our engagement six months ago. Since then I moved out, bought my own home. I don’t want to go into the new year with all this shyte. I am approaching 30. I don't want to turn 30 with all of this nonsense to welcome me to a new decade...
I have no children of my own, I have a good job with great career prospects, I have a master’s degree and a supportive group of friends... Why is my personal life such a bloody mess?
I do not have the emotional reserves to deal with BM’s chaos anymore. I don’t want to see or hear from OSD. I don’t want a “used” husband. I don’t want “second hand kids”. I am just so tired and I have had enough. It’s not that I can’t do this anymore, it’s that I don’t want to. I love SO, but I cannot do this anymore. I don’t even feel sad for calling things off. I feel tired and drained. This is not going to change no matter how hard SO and I try. Aaargggh! F#ck it, I give up.