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Wow, our Social Worker is Awful

Learning to Stepparent's picture

So after SD5 came back from BM's house with a black eye Memorial Day weekend and CPS got involved they did their initial investigation and said she was good to go out of state with BM for 3 weeks which I found odd but whatever. After SD got back a social worker went right out to daycare to talk to her about the trip.

About a week into the trip out of state BM texted DH saying she thought SD needed to see someone about her tantrums and that she couldn't manage SD's behavior. Apparently all the doctors appointments, developmental testing, and diagnoses doesn't count as "seeing someone about her tantrums."

So, a couple of weeks after SD gets back from Colorado the social worker calls to say she wants to meet with us. I assumed it was to do follow up on the investigation. At the meeting the worker started asking questions about SD's behavior and what problems we have with her etc. Then, out of the blue, she asks how much time my DD9 spends with her father and demands to see her room and states that she needs to see her to make sure she is ok and that she will be coming out to the house once a month to check on both of the kids and going out to daycare once a month to make sure both of the kids are ok. What about BM you ask? Oh, well if SD happens to be with BM on a week day we should let the social worker know because it would be helpful to see how BM interacts with SD but it is not a priority for CPS to send a social worker out to her house on a weekend when she has SD.

It is not a priority for CPS to send a social worker to the house when the abuse victim is with her abuser but it is necessary to ask how often my daughter, who has absolutely nothing to do with this situation, sees her father. Are you fucking kidding me?

In other news, the speech therapist told me today that she is no longer certain about SD's diagnosis of a speech delay as it is quite obvious to her that SD is fucking with her head and playing her so she isn't sure how much of the speech issues she sees are actual issues and how much is just manipulative behavior. At 5 years old. I knew she could be extremely manipulative but I didn't think it was bad enough for developmental professionals to be fooled by it. And I have absolutely no idea how to curb that.


CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I just finished dealing with CPS after our BM's house was condemned. It sounds like they are investigating you instead of her. Do you know if they talked to BM? Is it possible BM or your SD said you are abusing her? I just ask because it sounds like they are putting you on the same "rehabilitative plan" they put our BM on.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Oh I flipped out in a panic the next day. I told DH I was absolutely furious that it felt like we were being investigated rather than BM and that now my daughter was at risk for being removed and put into foster care over the shit that BM pulled and I wanted to consult a lawyer. We spoke to a lawyer who advised us to flat out ask the social worker if we were under investigation and she said no, absolutely not, neither of the kids were in any danger of being pulled they just have to evaluate SD's living situation and that CPS in the town BM lives in had been over to her house several times but it wasn't a priority to go when she actually had SD.

Basically, either she is blowing smoke up our asses and we really are being investigated or CPS is just too damn lazy to do their job and it's easier to look at us.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I would just be very careful with CPS. We had a bad experience with them. BM's house was condemned and she had to move out. She had no place to live. We filed for full custody and were granted temp custody. BM decided to tell the social worker that my DH was abusing SD. So the social worker (w/o talking to DH or investigating) helped BM to file abuse charges and tried to have my DH arrested. It turned out to be a big mess. We did eventually get the charges thrown out, but I have lost any faith in CPS.

thinkthrice's picture

Exactly! The GIRHIPPO is a CPS/Foster worker by trade. THAT ought to tell you something right there. Mrs. MOTY in which every one of her three VERY PLANNED children are failing school and are being brought up as enmeshed pets.

thinkthrice's picture


Disneyfan's picture

It's normal(at least it is here) for CPS to investigate both homes when a call is made.

They check on all kids in the home. They will decide that there is a problem in one home (that requires the child to be removed), they will pull all of the kids in that home.

I have a friend who had 5 kids pulled from her home. (2 steps and 3 bios) She told the oldest stepdaughter to do something. The brat mouthed and cussed at my friend. Her husband slapped her on the mouth and accidentally scratched her. The next day the girl's teacher asked het what happened to her face. When she found out, she called CPS.

By the end of the school day, CPS had grabbed all 5 kids. (3 from school and 2 from day care). All 5 were placed on foster care (the agency they were placed with agreed to do a family placement for the youngest 3 so they ended up with my friend's aunt-older 2 were in a foster home)for a year.

OP, are you sure BM didn't file a report against you or your husband?

Learning to Stepparent's picture

Sure, but the thing is if I am actually being investigated then moving out won't help me. I would still be under investigation for child abuse and they would still be looking into my daughter's well-being. We discussed him and SD moving out until all this blew over but decided it wouldn't accomplish anything.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

As I stated in a previous comment, we did. We specifically asked who is being investigated as we were very uncomfortable with how the "investigation" was going at this point and that we felt like we were being investigated not BM. We were told we were under no investigation at all, they just had to evaluate SD's home life.

They claim there is an open abuse investigation against BM but I don't know how that is possible if they won't actually stop by when SD is actually with BM.

Disneyfan's picture

It's possible they aren't being honest about their plans to visit BM's home. They need to make sure no one tips her off so that they have a true picture of what goes on in her home.

Disneyfan's picture

It may depend on who the case is against. IF it's against your husband, moving out protects your kid from the mess that may come.

FrenchPeas's picture

This is one reason I took my two kids and moved out. And my situation wasn't even this bad. CPS was contacted because the BM dumped her boys at the school and left them because she was furious at their dad. When I heard cps, I was out because they do stupid crap and there was no way I was as gonna have anything threaten me of my kids that concerned BM and her manipulative crap.

Yore braver than me. I woilnt be there. Nor would I be any where near this kid nor would my kids. Bye. See yas. Not worth it. And I'm. Not saying you have to end your relationship but I wouldn't be there. Nope. Nada.

Learning to Stepparent's picture

We flat out asked who was being investigated and were told it wasn't us. Unless the worker lied to us of course.