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Hate removing life around ss

Layla1014's picture

“Stepson”, is 6. Saying this because not married with my bf. I’m about to give birth in a couple of weeks I have a winter baby coming. I do not want to get up every morning take my baby out in the cold to drive him to school every morning. His mom is 21 and doesn’t have her life together , honestly she can but doesn’t care to have it for her son . Calls every 2 to 3 days. And when he’s over there she works a part time job , doesn’t spend much time with him but works at a retail store which I know you can change shifts to accommodate, I see she goes out. Bf and I spoke before having him that even with my daughter I will work and go to school!, my mom will care for my daughter when I work summer and go to school semester, I have a scholarship so don’t worry on how many classes I can take, this is my second degree and I’m almost done. I cannot and will not revolve stepsons schedule around school, I can’t choose a schedule since college is small and has a small variety of times. I told him I’d help him now but I need to get back to me I will not be a stay at home mom. Not for my daughter or his son. I . My parents want me to graduate and I’m determined. I will end things if I cannot keep up with bettering myself for my daughter. His mom does nothing but work she’s had 4 months to get her life together, I can’t be blamed for her shortcomings. Is it selfish of me to want this, he said if I’ll fail his son too. I haven’t I’ve taken care of him, waited on his every need but I’m not giving up my dreams I see a lot of moms do school and work and become successful and I can’t quit when I’m almost dome.  I didn’t fail him because it wasn’t my job to be there I chose to but not full time he never let me know the reality of  her character. He told me it’d be for the fall I , am I being harsh. How do I tackle this.

Comments

Siemprematahari's picture

You continue with YOUR plans and have him and BM figure out what they are going to do with SS6. The only person "failing" this child is his mother because she needs to get it together. You have no parts in that and frankly it's not your problem or responsibility. Your BF and BM need to parent their child and you continue on your path to finish school, get a job and care for your child. Don't allow your BF to guilt you into something that you have no business in. At the end of the day he needs to own his role as his sons father and needs to act accordingly....not put it on you because the childs mother isn't doing her part.

Wishing you much success and stick to your guns.

SM12's picture

You are doing what is best for you and your child in the long run. Do NOT give up your education or dreams to care for someone else’s child.   If your BF doesn’t like it he can get over it.   You do this for you.   Don’t let him guilt you into doing his job of parenting .  Tell him to turn his guilt on to BM since she is the one dropping the ball.

tog redux's picture

It's not your kid - why doesn't your BF revolve HIS life around his son's school schedule? Why does he expect you to do it, because you are female?

Harry's picture

It's your BF kid angry he should work our transportation for his DS.  You are not SS babysitter just because you are there.  You have to straighten this things out not.  You are not giving up your education, or alone time with DD becauss his BM doesn't have her life together.  He made a child with her,  most likely her life was not together then 

Harry's picture

It's your BF kid and he should work our transportation for his DS.  You are not SS babysitter just because you are there.  You have to straighten this things out not.  You are not giving up your education, or alone time with DD becauss his BM doesn't have her life together.  He made a child with her,  most likely her life was not together then 

Mountains's picture

Education to further yourself and your child is way more important.  If the BF wants you to give that up or delay it, he does not have your best interests at heart.  

My subject line is a bit flippant, but in reality it is very true.  

SteppedOut's picture

Is a school bus not available? Honestly, it drives me insane how many people think their child is "too good" for a bus and spend oodles of time driving them to/from. 

I live on a street with a middle school. So many people drive their kids that the road is literally blocked and traffic can not get through. There is even a fire department on this road and this nonsense is allowed! People start showing up 1.5 hours early to wait in line to pick their kids up. Who has time for such nonsense! 

SteppedOut's picture

Also, don't feel bad. My formerSO (and his parents) thought I should do the same for formerSO's kid. I had a c-section and was ordered to not drive, but they still thought I should, because "it's not that far" (it was 26 miles one way...).

I 100% REFUSED. You also can AND SHOULD refuse. 

Layla1014's picture

We live 3 minutes away from his school driving, but the traffic gets hectic and it is not that great of a neighborhood but many kids walk from the apartment complex to school. My mom even offered child care sometimes, even though he's not a well-behaving kid and have seen he's not raised properly, he expects rewards for everything, for eating all his food, for doing things kids are supposed to do. He has mocked my mom and lied about it, he has little manners. That I have worked on him with because he will be in 2nd grade and we were raised to be far more well mannered and responsible at his age. I have 3 Siberian huskies and he dislikes my dogs being near him, has pushed them away when they are just greeting him, my mom will not put them away because they are family. He says my dogs are annoying him, he says he doesn't want to go to my parents, even though my parents have been nothing but kind. He has a very entitled behavior.

Layla1014's picture

He expects my brothers who live there to give up the TV for him and let him play all day while he is there that is why he does not want to be there because he can't do everything he pleases.

Layla1014's picture

I took him walking once since I need it for my pregnancy and we were later than we thought because he was whining the 10-minute walk asking me why I did not drive, I thought it was a good idea. He walked slowly on purpose and we were late. I think I will not be able to care for him every morning after a c-section and drag a newborn baby outside, thanks everyone who has replied I am judged for not wanting to revolve my life around him, at this point I tried and I have set my conditions to bf if he can't handle it then on well. He told me at this point "I don't even want your help", we did not break up though, he said sorry, but I'm not optimistic. I told him he should speak to BM like that.