You are here

HELP..bio mom claims i abuse her child and she takes her out of country!!!!!

Lauren973's picture

I don't know what to do, or how to protect myself. As this is my first post, I am going to give a brief background.
Two years ago, I met the man I wanted to marry. As things go, there were complications. The man was still married. No, I was not the other woman, never WOULD be. He had been separated from his wife for two years when I met him and both had dated others in the meantime. When we began to get serious I insisted that there be no secrets and that he tell his wife he was involved. I thought it fair to her, and respectful of me. She didn't take it so well.
When she first heard, he was dropping his daughter off from his scheduled visitations (every other weekend). Hearing about me sent bio-mom into a rage, and she ripped his shirt off him, took my wallet out of his car, and began rifling through it. He left in a hurry and did not report it to the police.
About a week after she found out, she tried to break into his apartment during a birthday party we were giving for their four year old daughter, punching and kicking him on the way up to the apartment. He called the police, and got a temporary restraining order which was to last for ten days. On the evening of the ninth day, a raining cold november night at 11 pm, the mother appeared in his front yard with her daughter in her arms. Their daughter was in her pajama's and without shoes. Bio-mom began screaming up at the house that her estranged husband was cheating on his family. He called the police to report a violation of the restrainaing order. When the police arrived, they requested he come out and retrieve his daughter as the mother would have to be arrested. As he reached out for her, the mother kicked him several times and began throwing punches. This, in front of three armed police officers. She was arrested, and released that night.
This began the HELL that we live in now.
She has since been arrested for further violations of the restraining order 5-8 times. She has not yet served time.
As the restraining order is protecting HIM, all the officials continuously wrongly assume that HE is the defendant or perpetrator. He is often treated like the problem rather than the victim.
To clarify, he has paid WELL over the required amount of support. He has given extra monies at times, despite his own financial life falling to peices. Previous to this experience, I had believed all men were to blame. I have learned a horrible lesson about how hard it is for men under the system as currently outlined.
I'd now jumping ahead to the current debacle. I've dealt with this sh*t for two years now and as of today I am just ready to give UP. I need advice and I need it FAST.
This is the weekend of our visitation. At the end of the previous visitation, we returned to the local police department to make the child exchange. We have taken to recording every exchange as there are constant violations of the PRO during the exchanges. This time, while picking her daughter up, she began to scream that her daughter was distraught over having to sell the marital property, and that dad needed to talk to mom about it. He reminded her curteously that there is a restraining order prohibbiting them from conversing. She yelled that she did not care, and then, in the presence of her four year old daughter said that she (the daughter) will commit suicide when she is sixteen because dad won't deal with her emotional issues. Four year old begins to cry. We pull out and return home to pick up our copy of the restraining order and then back to the police department to file claim of violation.
When we are in the police dept. we learn that mom has just been in, and filed a false claim that dad posseses illegal firearms. (I am an avid anti-handgun advocate and would NEVER live in a home with a gun). Unfortunately for mom she is filing in the wrong precint. They direct her elsewhere, and inform us. We proceed to file claim, and we are told that we are not protected under the restraining order from her saying anything during child exchange and are warned to go to court and have RO ammended.
On monday morning, my fiance contacts his attorney, and a letter is sent to her atty, outlining what she did, and how this needs to stop.
In the meantime, my car is vandalized with front grill, bumper, and rear tail light smashed. Three days later three flat tires. I know NO ONE up here but my fiance and his soon-to-be-ex-wife.
That brings us to current events:
Saturday of this weekend my fiance receives a letter from her atty. stating that her daughter reports I frequently bathe with their daughter and offer her wine in the bathtub. daughter reports that I hit her. daughter reports that I badmouth mom.
Atty requires immediate action or there will be court proceedings. Suggested is that father make a financial settlement agreement to satisfy the situation. Atty reports that my fiance returned his daughter with a shopping bag filled with her toys. Inside the shopping bag was a receipt in the amount of 275$ for the purchase of a coach bag. Atty makes assumption that my fiance bought the bag for me, and claims this money could be better attributed to daughters education.
I am ready to EXPLODE!
None of the claims in this letter relate to the fathers behavior, only to ME!
I would NEVER bathe his daughter let alone bathe with her, and to offer her ALCOHOL??? I was never hit as a child, not once. I don't believe in hitting ones offspring - let ALONE someone ELSE's child. Furthermore, the bag her toys were returned in was MINE and reflected a purchase I MADE. ON MY CREDIT CARD!
but this was just the beginning.
Saturday at about 3pm, the daughter begins to talk about her recent trip to the rainforest. Now I KNOW it is illegal for either parent to take thier child out of the country without permission of the other parent. As it turns out her mother took her to Costa Rica. Same mother who is trying to have child support payments raised as she is "destitute". This after mother went on a two week trip to PARIS in january.
You might say to yourself, well hell nice vacation - right???
No. Their daughter has NEVER received ANY vaccinations for ANYTHING.
point number ONE. Point number two, is: this is the SECOND trip out of the country. On the first trip, she took her 18 month old daughter on two planes, a bus, and a DONKEY ride to the top of a mountain in Ecuador where they stayed in a home with no running water for a month.
Again, this little child has never been vaccinated.
Which is to say NOTHING about the expense of the trip when she is sending letters from her attorney complaining that I bought a wallet.
And point number three: this trip out of the country comes after MULTIPLE recorded phone messages of threats that she will move out of the country and my fiance will never see his child again.
I am besisde myself. He is just defeated. He cry's damn near every night because he misses his daughter and because his life is falling apart. I am frightened. I have NO protection and it is ME she is slandering. I do not have a CLUE as to how to proceed.
Please. PLEASE someone help.
I really love this man. HE is a winderful father, and a caring provider. I want to be with him, and I try very hard to support him. However, I am now facing legal action based on claims that are LUDICROUS. What do I DO?????????

Comments

CplStv's picture

Get Documentation on all icidents, Police Rports, Record Conversations, Screen Calls, and say in the message that You are screening calls(this is Notice that it may be recorded), etc. If She has Threatened to Leave the Country,etc. the R.O. should have a CLause Specifically Stating that She CANNOT Leave The Country with the kid, if not Get it Amended ASAP. She is Handing Your DH Custody, tied up in a Pink Ribbon, at this rate. You May also be able to get Her on charges of Slander, Filing False Reports, etc. for the Things She has said Concerning You, You'd have to ask Your Atty, for the applicable Local Statutes.

Steve

Kids are the Best and Worst Things We can do to Ourselves. When We have nothing else worth living for, We'll go on, for Them, but Oh How We Miss Our Freedom...LOL

Nymh's picture

First, and most importantly - breathe! I don't think you stopped for breath during that whole story!

I know what you're going through. Really, I do. Have you filed a police report on the vandalization of your car? That's a crime and she could have been arrested for that one too. Everything from her - every single thing - should be reported to the police. The more evidence you have stacked against her, the worse she looks and the less anyone is going to believe her when she tries to say that you're a child molester or whatever her next story is.

Do you have your own lawyer? I understand that your (boyfriend? husband?) has a RO, but what do YOU have?

Are they divorced yet? How long have you been together? Does the child like you and get along with you?

It's obvious that this woman's attorney has degraded himself in resorting to jumping through hoops because this woman is a thorn in his rear. Attorneys don't just write unsubstantiated letters with bogus claims in them and demand financial compensation. They wrote that because she demanded that they do. They know it's bull just as well as you do. And no judge is going to convict you because of something that BM says she said you said. Not only is that heresay, but as the child is only 4 she's not nearly old enough for her statements to be held accountable in court. In order to even get you into court and plead child abuse, BM would have to hire a guardian ad lidem for the child who would speak in their best interest and on their behalf. She would have her own attorney and you would have yours. And even in the event that this did go to court, a judge would not convict you of child abuse when heresay is the only evidence she has. They may order counseling for the mother and child, though, which wouldn't be all that bad...

Bottom line, breathe. Contact a lawyer and learn your rights and your options. Keep us posted. We're here for you!

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

OldTimer's picture

Yes, by all means, breathe! Slow down, and think this one through. You're tired, frustrated and feel like you're at your wits end with no answer or relief in sight. But I really agree with Nymh in this. My very first thought as soon as I started reading is... do you have an attorney of your own?

This woman is out of control. She's consumed herself with your lives, and that in it's self is sad. I also think that this attorney fellow she's got convinced to write accusation letters, is either someone who is obviously blind, or sees her as just a paycheck. Are you sure that it's really an attorney, maybe not her pretending? I sometimes wonder.

I have to say, it sounds like you document everything, therefore, if you go with all guns loaded, all document in tow, I really don't think that you have much to fear. BM sounds incredibly insecure, lost and consumed with vendetta. For what?!

In the mean time, I would take a deep breath, and try to remain calm. Remind yourself that she is just one miserable person who doesn't realize what she's about to lose... her daughter.

Hugs to you, keep us posted, and you're not alone!

Wink StepMom

Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...

Catch22's picture

Someone comes along with a doosie!! I really feel for you. This is one of the worst cases of nutcase BM I have heard on this site.

I can't give you legal advice as I live in Australia and our laws are very different here, and I wouldn't want to steer you in the wrong direction. But I do feel the need to tell you something I have learned from everyone on this site and that is, you stressing out and getting so upset is exactly what she is trying to achieve. I know it's hard but at least try to remain calm and don't let her affect your relationship with DH. If you both stand together and support each other, you may well end up stronger and have custody of this poor 4 year old, whose mother has lost sight of her being the most important one in this picture.

As I said, it is hard but you must find a way to block out what she is doing before it destroys you both. You must be so stressed out but do what everyone has said, document everything and get a lawyer, soak in a warm bath and have a laugh with your hubby!!
Good luck to you, and know we are thinking of you.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*