I don't know what to do, or how to protect myself. As this is my first post, I am going to give a brief background.
Two years ago, I met the man I wanted to marry. As things go, there were complications. The man was still married. No, I was not the other woman, never WOULD be. He had been separated from his wife for two years when I met him and both had dated others in the meantime. When we began to get serious I insisted that there be no secrets and that he tell his wife he was involved. I thought it fair to her, and respectful of me. She didn't take it so well.
When she first heard, he was dropping his daughter off from his scheduled visitations (every other weekend). Hearing about me sent bio-mom into a rage, and she ripped his shirt off him, took my wallet out of his car, and began rifling through it. He left in a hurry and did not report it to the police.
About a week after she found out, she tried to break into his apartment during a birthday party we were giving for their four year old daughter, punching and kicking him on the way up to the apartment. He called the police, and got a temporary restraining order which was to last for ten days. On the evening of the ninth day, a raining cold november night at 11 pm, the mother appeared in his front yard with her daughter in her arms. Their daughter was in her pajama's and without shoes. Bio-mom began screaming up at the house that her estranged husband was cheating on his family. He called the police to report a violation of the restrainaing order. When the police arrived, they requested he come out and retrieve his daughter as the mother would have to be arrested. As he reached out for her, the mother kicked him several times and began throwing punches. This, in front of three armed police officers. She was arrested, and released that night.
This began the HELL that we live in now.
She has since been arrested for further violations of the restraining order 5-8 times. She has not yet served time.
As the restraining order is protecting HIM, all the officials continuously wrongly assume that HE is the defendant or perpetrator. He is often treated like the problem rather than the victim.
To clarify, he has paid WELL over the required amount of support. He has given extra monies at times, despite his own financial life falling to peices. Previous to this experience, I had believed all men were to blame. I have learned a horrible lesson about how hard it is for men under the system as currently outlined.
I'd now jumping ahead to the current debacle. I've dealt with this sh*t for two years now and as of today I am just ready to give UP. I need advice and I need it FAST.
This is the weekend of our visitation. At the end of the previous visitation, we returned to the local police department to make the child exchange. We have taken to recording every exchange as there are constant violations of the PRO during the exchanges. This time, while picking her daughter up, she began to scream that her daughter was distraught over having to sell the marital property, and that dad needed to talk to mom about it. He reminded her curteously that there is a restraining order prohibbiting them from conversing. She yelled that she did not care, and then, in the presence of her four year old daughter said that she (the daughter) will commit suicide when she is sixteen because dad won't deal with her emotional issues. Four year old begins to cry. We pull out and return home to pick up our copy of the restraining order and then back to the police department to file claim of violation.
When we are in the police dept. we learn that mom has just been in, and filed a false claim that dad posseses illegal firearms. (I am an avid anti-handgun advocate and would NEVER live in a home with a gun). Unfortunately for mom she is filing in the wrong precint. They direct her elsewhere, and inform us. We proceed to file claim, and we are told that we are not protected under the restraining order from her saying anything during child exchange and are warned to go to court and have RO ammended.
On monday morning, my fiance contacts his attorney, and a letter is sent to her atty, outlining what she did, and how this needs to stop.
In the meantime, my car is vandalized with front grill, bumper, and rear tail light smashed. Three days later three flat tires. I know NO ONE up here but my fiance and his soon-to-be-ex-wife.
That brings us to current events:
Saturday of this weekend my fiance receives a letter from her atty. stating that her daughter reports I frequently bathe with their daughter and offer her wine in the bathtub. daughter reports that I hit her. daughter reports that I badmouth mom.
Atty requires immediate action or there will be court proceedings. Suggested is that father make a financial settlement agreement to satisfy the situation. Atty reports that my fiance returned his daughter with a shopping bag filled with her toys. Inside the shopping bag was a receipt in the amount of 275$ for the purchase of a coach bag. Atty makes assumption that my fiance bought the bag for me, and claims this money could be better attributed to daughters education.
I am ready to EXPLODE!
None of the claims in this letter relate to the fathers behavior, only to ME!
I would NEVER bathe his daughter let alone bathe with her, and to offer her ALCOHOL??? I was never hit as a child, not once. I don't believe in hitting ones offspring - let ALONE someone ELSE's child. Furthermore, the bag her toys were returned in was MINE and reflected a purchase I MADE. ON MY CREDIT CARD!
but this was just the beginning.
Saturday at about 3pm, the daughter begins to talk about her recent trip to the rainforest. Now I KNOW it is illegal for either parent to take thier child out of the country without permission of the other parent. As it turns out her mother took her to Costa Rica. Same mother who is trying to have child support payments raised as she is "destitute". This after mother went on a two week trip to PARIS in january.
You might say to yourself, well hell nice vacation - right???
No. Their daughter has NEVER received ANY vaccinations for ANYTHING.
point number ONE. Point number two, is: this is the SECOND trip out of the country. On the first trip, she took her 18 month old daughter on two planes, a bus, and a DONKEY ride to the top of a mountain in Ecuador where they stayed in a home with no running water for a month.
Again, this little child has never been vaccinated.
Which is to say NOTHING about the expense of the trip when she is sending letters from her attorney complaining that I bought a wallet.
And point number three: this trip out of the country comes after MULTIPLE recorded phone messages of threats that she will move out of the country and my fiance will never see his child again.
I am besisde myself. He is just defeated. He cry's damn near every night because he misses his daughter and because his life is falling apart. I am frightened. I have NO protection and it is ME she is slandering. I do not have a CLUE as to how to proceed.
Please. PLEASE someone help.
I really love this man. HE is a winderful father, and a caring provider. I want to be with him, and I try very hard to support him. However, I am now facing legal action based on claims that are LUDICROUS. What do I DO?????????