Latest On My Phone Problem With SD15
So I read the things that you all had to say on my last post, and they made me realize a few things. Long and short, I need to disengaged from SD15, and probably SS7 and SS6 because their mother runs around like Shrek in a frock bullying and demanding her way into everything. My DH didn't want to talk about it anymore, so I wrote a letter. What do you think?
I have to admit that I have completely failed as a wife to you and as a step-whatever to the kids. I'm just not good at it, and it's time to admit that it just isn't working. What is happening is that I am mourning. When we started this journey, I had illusions that we would create a family that was different from other families but that was based on mutual respect, love, and caring. I am mouning the fact that the family I imagined cannot and willnot exist, and I feel the loss of it, and it hurts. I don't expect the kids to love me, they don't have to. I've built what I consider to be a strong relationship with my girls based on repsect and love, and that is enough. They aren't always perfect, no kids are, and I don't expect them to be. I had thought that treating the other kids the same way would yield the same result. I am simply not a good enough step-mom for that to happen though, it is becoming increasingly clear. When it comes to the whole phone thing, here is what I am really upset about- you are more than happy to respect and honor SD15's feelings and demand that I do the same, but not willing to give me the same courtesy. She stole from me, she is using me, and she is being rewarded by you, her mother, and her mother's family for the behavior- that is what I am upset about, not the phone itself. She got what she wanted- a new phone and she was able to further drive a wedge between you and I and make the situation worse between her mother and you and give her mother's family more ammunition to use next time they decide to threaten me. SD15 won, again, and I'm the one that is left hurting with no one to care how I feel.
I wish you could acknowledge that I have feelings too. Every time SS7 and SS6 disrespect me, it hurts me because I don't know why I deserve it. When SD15 talks crap to her friends, it hurts me, because I don't know what I do to deserve it. When the boys come home with new disrespectful things to say about me, it hurts. A lot. And when you don't address any of it or impose any type of consequence (espeically with SD15, who is old enough to be able to understand the impact of her choices and who should be old enough to handle the consequences of those actions), it tells me that I am not a part of your real familly. I need your support, but it seems that you feel that my asking for it puts you in a place where you have to choose between your family and me, and that's not fair.
So I don't know what to do. It's not about punishing the kids, or making them call me "mom", or anything like that. It's not about you not seeing SD15 or blowing up at me about how I'm ruining your relationship with her. It's not about her family and making them behave like decent human beings, because that won't happen. But the bottom line is that I don't care what happens outside of our house, and you can't (and shouldn't be expected to) control it. But we can and should control what goes on in our house, in our family, without using the excuse that it's BM's world and we just live in it. I don't have the answers, because I'm not clear headed enough to have an opinion anymore. So what do we do? Becasue this isn't working. SD15, BM, and BM's family are destroying us. Chalk it up to my "lockjaw" or my being a bitch that can't let go, or whatever you want to. But perception is reality and that is the truth. What do we do now?