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Mother in law loves his ex way too much!

latekate's picture

My Mother in law to be (in 2 weeks) still favours his ex of 4 years and I just don't get it, I mean really don't get it. My H2b J has a son with his ex and his ex has a daughter from a previous one night stand, we have both of the kids at weekends, pay for them and just bought a bigger house so they could have a room each. I also have 2 girls and we have been together 4 years living as a family. The ex has 3 kids now all one night stands with different men, she sits them in front of TV every spare moment, does nothing fun with them and feeds them crap. The step daughter still wets the bed at 10 and she has only just taken her to see a doctor. The ex works 16 hours per week, just enough to claim maximum benefits from the state and has all school holidays off work paid, her house is paid for in full by the state, she also does not declare our money to the state in order to pocket the cash in full.

My MIL adores her, she is always handing her money, has the kids for weeks in the holidays, buys them stuff all the time and will not have a bad word said against her. Recently it was MIL's special birthday family dinner and his ex was guest of honour just 4 weeks before our wedding... I put my foot down and we did not go and J told her why but she does not know what my problem is. This is the best part, we move out of our current house next week (4 days before our wedding)and we are both working full time, my kids have to come to work with me and I am trying to deal with a big church wedding for all his family to enjoy, our new house is not ready so we are homeless for the week before our big day and not once has she asked if I need any help, not once offered to have my kids for a day let alone weeks like his kids, and can't even ask how I am.... I hate her and I have to sit on a top table with her in 2 weeks.

I just know she goes off running to his ex and fills her in on our life so its really hard trying to contain things to a degree where she has nothing to report. I am so angry that she is just going to turn up at our wedding after doing literally nothing to help. I have no family at all so I am really alone in all of this, his ex on the other hand has her own mother running around after her and his Mother too, there is also the mother of baby number 3 running around helping her....where did I go wrong?


not_snow_white's picture

i have no advice but i wanted to tell you it's the same way in my house too. his mother adores the ex.i try not to let it bother me but it really drives a wedge between me and his mom and ruins whatever relationship we could have. i don't trust her because she's so chummy with the ex.

LizzieA's picture

It is up to your FDH to talk to her about it. He could ask her to help you out during this time. I think cordial relationships are fine but where they go too far is the making her the guest of honor! and favoring her. I went through that too but it wasn't my MIL, it was DH's sisters. Jealousy and control are the reasons. I bet MIL and BM are very similar in personality, ie biotchs.

We went through a major move and NOT ONE of DH's relatives offered to help. SS and SD did somewhat. Yet he has moved all of them more than once, painted their houses, fixed stuff, you name it. BM still attends every family gathering. You would think she would finally get a life. SHE divorced DH!

In my case, EVERYONE is finally seeing what a loser BM is. Her latest--not picking up medicine for an infected burn for SS for FIVE days. Now he has pneumonia. And her sister took him to the hospital while she was out of town visiting her BF. MIL is up in arms at her over this. The not so nice side of me is happy about it. Not the burn of course but the wool coming off the eyes.

stargazer47250's picture

I know what you mean, I JUST WISH I could have one conversation with her without her bringing up his ex and what a wonderful houskeeper she was and how much fun she was. What she does not mention is the fact that she was a drug user, a prostitute, a stripper and a bad mother because she would leave her kids alone at home while she partied, and she let them run the streets, that is why one can't commit, one is in jail for the next ten years and the third is a a user of men just like her mother. This woman was all these things while my husband was out to sea serving his country. Geez, she comes to my house and glorifies his ex right in front of my kids. I like his Mom until she brings up her, it hurts and I don't see it changing. I know where you are, but I just grin and bear it because she is my hubby's Mom and he is too afraid she will be hurt if he says anything to her.

starfish's picture

UGGHHH! my mil talks trash about bm and has threatened (behind bm's back, of course) to call cps on her...

the next minute she is kissing bm's ass, inviting her, her whole family and the whole trailer park over for a party for sd..... and says "it's for the skids" that's her answer to everything.. or "they're my gkids and i'll do whatever i want)

then goes on about how she hates skids living with bm and wishes sd would live with her......

makes me so f'n mad.... dh & i have had so many fights over this, but 8 yrs later, i'm a little more lax about it... but since we haven't been to mil's for any holiday event going on 3 years b/c of her behavior, we rarely fight about it anymore.....

mom2five's picture

My MIL used to be very nice to my husband's ex-wife. She wanted access to her grandchildren.

The day we got custody of the kids, that stopped. Now that she doesn't have to worry about seeing her grandchildren anymore, she won't even respond to my husband's ex-wife's calls or emails.

pat's picture

My parents decided that they could not wait to see my kids and contacted my ex to see my kids even though I had them every other weekend. My fiance was livid and so was I . Now we don't talk to my parents because they refuse to see what they did was wrong. My ex treated me like a dog and I went through a very difficult divorce. People have no loyalty. Sad

buttercookie's picture

I have no advice just a joke hopefully it'll make you smile.
What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted. Smile

comotini's picture

Not to be mean, but you may have gone wrong w/the husband to be. WTF was he thinking being w/a piece of poop like that? She's in the welfare system? Yikes, he pays child support to let her sit on her but? You have more heartache to come if you marry this guy. His mom is just more of the hassle!