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"Human" response?

Last-Wife's picture

I'm always nagging at DH that even though BM is psycho, he should at least try to treat her with human decency... I have always intervened for him in the past, and have spent the last 11 years being the go between for the two of them, as I knew it was best for the skids. AS their custodial SM, it just made things easier on me if I knew what was going on...

Well, she really pissed me off back in November. I said my peace with her and told her I was done. She continued to leave messages on my voicemail, but I guess it finally got through to her I'd had enough. She hadn't called me in over 2 weeks. It was awesome! She left a message earlier this week, apologizing, and saying she wants to be "friends" again. She wanted me to know her grandfather was ill, and was in the hospital, and asked me to pray for her... (She only believes in God when it suits her, but finds it useful that I do...)

Ugh. Well, the grandfather passed away. She called DH to talk about taking the kids to the funeral. He left it up to the kids. But it's the same day SS15 has a big ball game, and SD17 has a college interview. SS14 told her he would go if she really needed him, but he said he felt uncomfortable since he really didn't know that side of her family. (Her family history is very warped. I'm sure her interest is a hope that there is $$$ in the will.) So DH called back and politely told her the kids would be unable to attend the funeral, but if she needed to see them, she was welcome to make a visit this week. (She has EOW, and is supposed to visit every Wednesday. In the 12 years my husband has had custody, she has only visited TWELVE WEDNESDAYS!)

So I've disengaged from her, and held my ground. I am not friends with this woman. But my "Southern Belle" upbringing has always allowed me to be nice to her, usually because through my niceness, I get my way. Now my blasted "training" is telling me I should send this woman a card, or flowers, to show empathy and respect for her loss. I'm really debating if I should. I know it's the "human" thing to do, but does it ruin all the progress I have made?

What do you think?


Jon-Boy's picture

I like your approach in at least trying to teach your husband the art of human decency.

That is above all the basis of good comunication.

BMJen's picture

When BM's father passed away I took her flowers and a symathy card. I told her if she needed anything at all to please call us and that we were all thinking about her through this terrible time. She hugged me, cried on my shoulder, and still appreciates it.

When my grandfather passed away she did the same.

I don't see anything at all wrong with saying that you are sorry and thinking about her through this. Unless you just think it'll open the door for her to stick her foot back in it!

"If you don’t adapt and look within yourself, you’ll just keep wading in that stagnant poisonous pool of stepparent hell." author: BitchBitchBarbie