I can't be the only step parent having this problem. The kids were born & raised in the house their dad & I now share. Regardless of (50/50) custody schedule, they deserve to be (aka their Dad WANTS them) here in their home whenever their mother is at work (or out of town or.....). Up for debate (or NOT) is the fact that, even though Dad is at work, he wants the kids here. If I'm not willing/able to watch them, then he wants to have a sitter HERE.
I'm telling him that:
1. I am not mentally, emotionally, physically able to handle them (SS-8, SD-10) being in the house all day, every day for 12 days at a time before a 2-day weekend break and it's unfair of him to ask me to.
2. Regardless of a sitter, if I'm at home, I'M responsible. I still have to function in the home....do laundry, start dinner, clean the house...., can't walk by the sitter & not intervene if one of the skids is misbehaving, still have to interact, etc. There will be "SM, are you going to swim with us this afternoon?" (I'm not sure, maybe if I have time when I'm done working") "Why not?" ("Well, when I'm done working for my job, I still have other responsibilities.") "When will you?" ("sigh") Come see what I did. ("I'm working, honey...can't right now.") "It'll just take a second".....dragging me by the arm..... Then there's the dreaded..."what are you making for dinner?" EWWW...smells like poop....why aren't you making pasta? I like pasta" OMG I'm going to scream.

Ok, I love the kids....good, smart kids and, from what I've read here, I have fewer challenges than some of you do with skids & Dad/Moms. These kids WANT me around, love me and even LIKE me (go figure).

So far my husband has signed them up for only one YMCA camp week, he's taking one week vacation to 'watch' them, and they'll be at the grandparents for 4 weeks dispersed throughout the summer. That leaves 7 weeks unplanned.

I'm starting a part time job in a week, working from home taking help desk calls. This will require a tremendous amount of concentration, and, even though my office is in the basement, I'll still hear the kids if they're in the house and will still be responsible for them when I'm through working or taking a break (regardless of a sitter).

I NEED quantity alone time for balance. The time that belongs to their mother would do, but their dad has absolutely NO regard for "custody," only describes his wants as the kids perspective. I told him "the kids are FINE.....WE'RE not." The more I try to explain it the more frustrated I become....in the back of my mind wanting to be what he needs me to be. My husband says the kids deserve to be here, in THEIR home where he knows they're safe & happy. But they have 2 homes now. We're getting nowhere. Had to tell him that if he's going to insist on having them here every day, then to be prepared to see a lot less of me. I've told him that I've talked to both mothers and stepmothers who all agree that he's not being fair to me. He wants to talk to 'them.' :?

I think he's projecting his fears into the situation, but am not completely sure what those fears are or how to get him to see that the kids are FINE and need to get out of the house and AWAY from each other.

Me: 50
Husband: 49
Stepmom since 7/2011
No bio kids of my own