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So irritated with SD10..Not sure what I should do

LaMareOssa's picture

I'm so irritated with the things SD10 does and I don't know how to handle it anymore. Half of me says "get over it" and the other half says "no, it's not ok for her to act that way."

SD10 is a very greedy girl. I've always known this. But, it seems to be getting worse now that DH has custody. We have DD6 and DS3 who just love SD to death. They've never taken anything of SD's without asking. They know that SD is very possesive of her things and won't touch anything thats not theirs.

What irritates me the most is SD has no problem going into my bedroom and taking things off my dresser. She has no problem going into the bathroom and using everyones stuff. She has no problem going into BS3's room and playing with his toys, losing them etc..She will take things off BD6's dresser and play with them, she plays with BD's babies and barbies with no problem. But, if someone trys to use something of hers, she has a melt down. The melt down is not like a tantrum, more like a passive aggressive mean attitude. It upsets me so much because I've never had a problem sharing anything with her and neither has BD6-who would give SD anything to make her happy Sad But SD doesn't give anything in return and refuses to share anything, even the things she doesn't like and doesn't want to play with but thinks it's okay to play with anduse everyone elses things.

Like for example- SD all of a sudden turned up with a 2 liter of A&W Rootbeer...She put her damn name on it "SD'S A&W!!!!" in the fridge. We have rootbeer in there..why the need for a name? I asked DH what was up with that and he said "Oh, I think it's the soda she won at the halloween carnival" So? If she wants to put her name on things, as to make sure no one drinks HER soda, she can buy a mini fridge and put it in her room. SD uses things on my dresser, like lotion an even filled up a little bottle of my lotion to put in her purse..She never asked and it's not a big deal, but now I feel like it is because of the soda incident. She has taken my things out of the bathroom and lost them. She has taken some of my things to school..never once asked, but she feels like everyone must beg and kiss her ass to use her things? WTF? And it really upsets me because DD6 and myself have always shared everything we have with SD, but SD refuses to share anything of hers. It doesn't even upset BD6 anymore, she is so used to SD showing off her "precious" toys and teasing BD6 and BS3 with them..and it really makes me angry and sad for our kids. I can't make SD share HER things.
I have thought about trying to talk to BD about it, but I'm worried that I'll get upset with the conversation and blow up on her. :?

Comments

Not_what_I_wanted's picture

Why does SD10 get the run of the house and get to make her own rules? I would have a family meeting, and set the rules straight. Nobody touches the others things without asking first. That means SD10 cannot just take what she wants from everyone, and not expect to share her things in return. Skid or not, she needs to follow the same rules.

My SD9 lives with us FT, and the rules are set - you ask permission, for whatever it is you want. Food? Ask us if you can have a snack or lunch, etc. If you bring food in this house, its for everyone - no trying to leave out someone because you dont want to share. If you cant do that, dont bring it here. The kids (sd9 and bioson 17) are not allowed to enter each others room without asking, and DO NOT take anything out of the others room without asking. They are also not allowed to just go into our room, or take things. EVER.

Its just common sense to ask permission to touch someone elses things, regardless if they are family or not.

sasha101's picture

My ss16 is just the same - thinks nothing of helping himself to everyone else's stuff, loses or breaks it but if anyone dares to touch anything of his then he's really pissed off! He was doing this same shit when he was 10 too, and dh didn't do enough to stop him so he's just carried on with his selfish, disrespectful attitude and it annoys the hell out of me! I've started hiding things that I don't want him to get his hands on - snacks, dh's decent toiletries etc, but when it comes to him helping himself to younger skids stuff, I think that should be dh's responsibility to stop him from doing that but he's pretty useless and seems oblivious to what's going on under his nose. ss16 has wrecked every bicycle he's had, and when his bike is ruined he has a habit of using ss10's bike till he's wrecked that one too. We bought ss10 a brand new bike for his birthday and I told dh that under no circumstances was ss16 to touch it. Dh told him he was to leave ss10's bike alone but sure enough, his own bike got a puncture and in true lazy ss16 style, rather than fix the puncture on his own bike, he "borrowed" ss10's and brought that one home with a puncture too, so we currently have 2 bikes stuck outside with punctures waiting for ss16 to get off his idle butt and fix them. I have told dh that we are under no circumstances buying bikes for any of the skids anymore, because he clearly hasn't enforced the rules for ss16 to leave things alone that aren't his and I don't see why I should shell out any more cash, however unfair it might be on ss10 and ss9, just because dh is incapable of keeping his kid from stealing other peoples stuff.
I would start hiding the things you know she likes to help herself to - lock them away if necessary, and buy her suitable, cheaper alternatives of her own which have to last her a certain amount of time. If she wastes stuff like ss16 always does, then she doesn't get any more straight away and she has to wait until it would have run out if she'd used it properly. It's vital that you get dh on side and start introducing consequences for taking other peoples things. She has no right to help herself to the younger kids toys without asking, and if she breaks them then she should be made to pay for replacements out of her own money, or give the kids something of hers to compensate. The kid needs to learn to be responsible and respectful and to keep her hands to herself, and you and dh will have to have a zero tolerance to this kind of crap otherwise you'll end up with a selfish, direspectful teen who thinks nothing of stealing other peoples stuff so take action now and stop the little brat before she ends up a selfish, lazy loser like my ss16.

Hullabaloo's picture

My SD10 does something similar. One day her dad told her she had to clean her feet before going to bed (she had been running around barefoot all afternoon and they were filthy), so I walk past MY bathroom where she was using MY shower puff to clean her feet!!!! I got upset and asked her to not do that, she said why, you and dad share it? Okay, that is completely different! Not to get too TMI, but come on we are two consenting adults, we share ALOT more than just a shower puff! Dad was just like, what's the big deal, it's just a shower puff. But it was a big deal, it was mine/ours and I didn't want her using it to clean her dirty, nasty feet! I don't care if it is just a $1 shower puff from Walmart, it was MY $1 shower puff from Walmart and I didn't want her using it because she didn't feel like walking down the stairs to get her own, damn lazy kid!

It was about boundaries and unless I keep some, I will continually get bulldozed, but I definitely still have to pick my battles. Otherwise I just come across as a nagging bitch.

Not_what_I_wanted's picture

Exactly, boundaries. She needs to respect other peoples things and their privacy (rooms). I get aggravated when SD9 makes excuses to use our restroom, because she has her own. But she finds excuses. I shut her down everytime. DH doesnt get the issue, but its MY bathroom with MY stuff. She snoops, I know that. I dont like it. All about boundaries.