How do I regain my happiness????
I haven't posted for a few months, but not much has changed. I am still disengaged almost completely. The only thing I continue to do for SD12 is pick her up from school (With DD7) Things have been okay. SD and I don't speak unless it's absolutely needed. She is still very emotionally screwed up. I don't think any amount of therapy is going to help her.
I am still having problems getting back to my normal happy place. I am great and feeling like myself during the day with DS4. But, when I go to pick up DD7 and SD12 from school, I can feel my mood change instantly the minute SD gets into my truck. I can feel my tension and anxiety skyrocket when I am in her presence. I don't know what to do. I have tried to ignore it and go on with my day, but just being around her and the negativity that radiates off of her puts me in a bad mood. It wouldn't be so bad if DH didn't have sole custody. I am great on the weekends that SD12 goes to see her other brother and sister who live with BM's parents. But the moment SD comes home and walks through our door, I feel the anxiety. I hate feeling like I have no control over my moods when around her. She is extremely unpleasant and her demeanor screams "I hate everyone here!"
I was wondering if any of you deal with this? How do you handle being around stepkids that you dislike??
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YAy ... Not for your problems
YAy ... Not for your problems but that you are a custodial stepmom...
I feel the same. My SS8 is with us full time unless a grandparent decides that want him for a day.
I don't know what to do other than I take baths and now I'm trying to talk to friends on the phone after work, I go for walks and try to just ignore what's happening. I sometimes lock myself in our bedroom to not have to look at him or see him.
I don't know what works best. I thought I'd start making a list of all the things I enjoyed doing when I was single or just enjoy doing and keep adding to the list and then when it's completely irritating to be in the house I'd do one thing on the list.
I've taken a lot of bubble baths while reading a book by candle light.
Good luck!!!
((HUGS))
I am the same and SD really
I am the same and SD really doesn't do too much to be bad, I just get in a bad mood when I see her.
I realized I can't find my happy place bc we are stuck home. My kids are grown so I was looking forward to going out to eat after work or ride on the bike or 4 wheeler w/o the responsibilities of having a younger kid at home.
^^^^ good for you! "She tried
^^^^ good for you!
"She tried telling H that she is hurt that I have not spoken to her. HA bullshiz"
Yep funny how that happens
Something like that happened
Something like that happened with me. Back in Oct (and I've blogged about this incident) I was on the couch with severe step throat with a fever of over 102. DD12 and DS4 were on the other end of the couch and one minute SD was being affectionate with DS then the next she was pushing him away and he didn't understand what happened. She elbowed DS4 in the back of the head/neck 3 or 4 times and the on the 3rd or 4th time it was hard enough to slam his jaw against his chest. I wanted to punch SD12 in the throat. I didn't but jumped her shit like never before and since that moment I have lost any ounce of feeling for her. I just do not care about her at all. I am 100% disengaged and have zero desire to change that.
When she hurt DS4 like that, without one spoken word to him it showed me that she doesn't care about anything or anyone. She did it for no reason, unprovoked and in the moment I realized she is just mean spirited.
Try this: it's a therapy tool
Try this: it's a therapy tool that I used to get over my fear of flying. And having to be in the same city as BM. Seriously, it works!
Don't try to fight the feelings of anxiety, the coldness that takes over your body, or the shakes etc. When you feel that dread starting to come on, let it happen - say out loud or quietly in your mind "bring it" - and let the waves of the emotion wash over you. First few times you allow this to happen, you might find yourself crying or even feeling sick, but don't fight the feelings away, don't try to push them away. If you are like me, you dread the way it makes you FEEL more than you dread the person (applies to skids and bio moms and other unpleasant relationships).
So the next time you have to pick up your skid, go a few minutes early and try this. After awhile of consciously practising this tool, you'll notice that you rarely feel this way anymore, or if you do it goes away in a moment. The trick is to never fight or ignore it. Let it happen, and let it go.
Oh I like this, going to try
Oh I like this, going to try this tonight.
I get so stressed and anxious EVERY time they come here that I feel sick and shake and just am a nervous wreck. And it is starting earlier and earlier - used to be only say half an hour before, now I wake up on V Day and feel sick and stressed and depressed all day.
And I wake up every day they are here feeling this way.
OH doesn't get why I want an EXACT time as to when they will be here. He just picks them up and hangs with them for however long they all fancy then he comes home with them. So without knowing WHEN they will get here I get even more stressed.
Of course I can't tell him that can I! The mere thought of your children arriving in my house makes me feel so stressed and anxious I get physically ill from it! So please to lessen my discomfort can you tell me exactly WHEN you'll be here so I only have to suffer for the least amount of time! (LOL - lead balloon anyone!)
Oh, skids are here every Wednesday, and supposedly EOWE from Friday to Sunday. But BM ALWAYS has something on her weekend that she needs us to take them for - so in reality its EVERY weekend.
I swear it works - it's hard
I swear it works - it's hard at first (like everything we do!) but then it's just easy.
Yes. This is great advice I
Yes. This is great advice I use this w clients at work.
Same boat. SD doesn't really
Same boat. SD doesn't really do anything that bad I just don't like being around her. Same thin, instantly in a bad mood the second she walks through the door. I get through it with wine and cleaning like a mad man lol. I only have her EOWE. I don't know how I would deal if it was full time. I probably wouldn't be with BF if it was full time. Too much stress.
You are not alone!
I too am a 24/7 custodial
I too am a 24/7 custodial stepmom (deceased BM) and totally get what you're feeling about the SDs presence. And sparklelady is right - just let the feelings wash over you and through you before you have to go face to face with the SD. Do this any time you feel anxious. I used to do this no less than 10 times a day since my SD12 talked like Alvin the Chipmunk, and never shut up, and it took all my resolve to not lose my mind. But now I do it once in the morning and once before the skids get home from school. It helps!
Talked like Alvin the
Talked like Alvin the chipmunk and never shut up. Lol yes!!!!!