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Just a rant. Hugs needed advice heeded.

Lady.Tremaine's picture

It's been about 1.5 years since I moved so DH could be by his kids. BM moved outta nowhere. There's no CO please don't ask about one because trust me I have and it's been nothing but hurt.

I'm beginning to go nuts. I've been getting there because of the distance to family and friends but the nail in the coffin was this weekend. 

So SD6 normally overnights til Sunday morning EOW . For some random reason. After we had our usual light hearted chats and DH tells her it's bed time she pulls SD3s I miss my mom card.

I was about to sort of blow because instead of reading I had to sit and answer a 6 year olds questions while her dad is upstairs in the bathroom. And my time was wasted being a decent Stepmom. Why do I even try. Depressing Friday night. 

Whatever . DH takes her home. Both SDs are over Saturday afternoon

2 hours in SD 3 pulls her I miss my mom card ( fun fact - we learned this does not mean her mom but her house . We had to move to loft a condo just so DH could be with the kids )

Well BM texts back she's getting her hair done. Might be a bit. Fun fact- due to the kids and money I haven't been able to get my hair cut ( not done) but cut for months. My bangs are gone and luckily I work from home so no one can see how feral my hair is. 

SD3 FINALLY gets picked up ( it took another 3 hours) which normally would not be an issue but she wanted food so I constantly had to have DH get updates so I knew what I made her would not be left uneaten. 

Well once she leaves SD6 goes to the bathroom giving me a chance to tell DH " god I wish I could get my hair done at a salon"

He giggles. SD6 comes so he can't talk. In the meantime I check Fb and there's BM - taking a selfie with her new hair at a stop light. I laugh to myself at how insane that is. She's nearly 50 but  stoplight was the place for the selfie.

DH pulls me outside when SD6 is playing a game.

"Remember how you said we couldn't afford to get your hair done ?"

"Yeap ( irritated)"

" She can't either ( pulls the CS joint account up)'

Now we asked many many times for him to be removed from the joint account. She refused every time. Transferring money would be easier and his credit would not be involved in said account

But that means DH can see she's negative 400 bucks on the account- she really could not afford her hair to be done at all

We will likely have to go to court jf she keeps overdrafting the CS one but jeez..

Keeping up "appearances"  She did repay the money but I'm partially laughing and crying at the same time

I go without to keep the kids happy here  and with her. I left my friends and family so these kids can see what a decent relationship looks like.  Just so this leather hand bag looking lady can try to look like she doesn't have gray hair? 

Please none of the usual "leave him" 

You guys have helped me to help him with BM and the kids  we really can't afford court but when that day comes.. safe to say I have receipts in hand. 

Don't see above as being idealistic. Unfortunately  BM has given us more than we may need. She has texted every stupid thing to DH and iPhones hold everything ( as well as screenshots)

To anyone who has to move due to a skid situation. No matter how you love your spouse or them - it is not worth it. I've never been this depressed in my life.  I'm hopeful but look through my part blogs - see what you have to do to be hopeful.

Thank you for coming to my depressing TED talk

 

Comments

hereiam's picture

Many, many hugs, Lady.

I'm so sorry that you are so depressed. It shouldn't be depressing to be with the one that you love.

I'm a bitch so I would never have moved just because BM did.

Now we asked many many times for him to be removed from the joint account. She refused every time.

DH had this same problem with BM and he did want to be associated with her financially, whatsoever. He finally had to threaten her that he would take every penny out of the account if she did not take his name off it and she knew by the tone of his voice that he was serious (half the money was his, anyway). She went to the bank that day and agreed to take his name off of the account.

Being with someone with kids comes with sacrifices, but you should not have to sacrifice more than the two people who could not make it work for their kids.

Lady.Tremaine's picture

Thanks so much Here! 

It's hard because this was the "Cs" account. He did his non court ordered deposit on payday and it wasn't just gone - it was gone and negative.

CLove's picture

Im sorry you are going through all of this. Your tale and all the others on here should be required reading prior to dating a person who has children.

I have a friend who is a bio-dad and it is extremely high conflict. Welp, I told him, that he just shouldnt date for a while and finding a partner - good luck, please dont drag a nice person through all that.

Yup. That was my relationship advice. He laughed and said "yup thats why I dont have anyone".

So, again, sorry you are going through all of this - sending you some light today...