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You can't fix stupid

ladybug3's picture

EDIT: Wow I did not expect so many negative reactions to this post. I thought people on here could read it, laugh, and move on with their day. That's what I would do. I am not asking for advice in this blog, don't expect me to want to read yours. 


BM struts around like she's God's gift to mankind, so I take secret pleasure when she falls on her face. Which is a lot. This past month she did something so stupid that I have to share. 

She's been riding a motorcycle for a little over a year, because when her and DH broke up he gave her the bike. He was the only one who rode it/took care of it/whatever, but because of his bad credit when they bought it it was in her name. She used it as ammo to try and control him so he gave it back immediately. 

Anyway, she got endorsed and she's been riding it around. Her last boyfriend dumped her because of another friend she has (we'll call her Amanda). Anyway apparently Amanada is so stupid and annoying that BM's boyfriend literally told her "It's me or her, pick one." She picked Amanda. Amanda is 18, btw, and BM is 23, so it's all very odd to me, but DH doesn't ask her many questions about her life.

Last month BM told DH that she had co-signed a motorcycle for Amanda. A brand-new motorcycle. Amanda doesn't even know how to ride, and like I said she's only 18, so DH and I knew it wouldn't end well. 

Yesterday when DH went to pick up SS, BM started whining to him about how Amanda blew the clutch out twice since getting the bike one month ago. That is not cheap to fix, but BM paid for it because Amanda has no money. THEN BM told DH that Amanda couldn't even make the first month's payment. 

So BM now owes money on a car and two motorcycles, one of which has already cost her a few thousand dollars in repairs because Amanda doesn't know how to shift gears. 

BM and Amanda are no longer friends, BM is a mountain of debt, and now she's begging DH for advice. He told her she was stupid for ever being involved with Amanda in the first place, as no one in her family likes her and even her boyfriend dumped her over the girl. 

Oh, and did I mention BM is quitting her second job right as this debt is piling up on her because she doesn't like the job anymore? Real smart, honey, real smart. 


Petronella's picture

What is it with BMs and their terrible driving records and mountains of trashed vehicles? BM here has been through I don't know how many lemons from various used car lots and her payments are outrageous (bad credit). Meanwhile my DH drives new cars and trades up every 3 years or so through a real dealership that gives him a great rate, especially since he's now got me to cosign with him. 

ladybug3's picture

Girl, I have no idea! BM here has the front AND back bumpers missing from her car, while neither DH nor I have ever been in an accident. Maybe they just use cars like they use people.

Siemprematahari's picture

BM started whining to him about how Amanda blew the clutch out twice since getting the bike one month ago.

They are no longer together and outside of discussing their mutual child why is there talk about getting advice on her debt? He shouldn't be getting involved and honestly its none of his business. He needs to create a boundary with this. If he feels the need to give her any advice it should be to not quit her 2nd job, to never co-sign for people, and to please keep him out of her business only if it pertains to their child.

ladybug3's picture

Trust me, I don't know why BM talks to him. It's probably for attention. He sticks to topics regarding SS, but she likes filling him in on her life. He didn't give her any advice, he just told her she was stupid for getting involved with Amanda and that there really wasn't any advice to give. He doesn't help her with anything, like I said she just complains to him for attention. He's been hearing little bits and snippets of this story for the past month, so it's not like they sat down and had a heart-to-heart. I only posted this story because I thought it was funny, not because I want people telling me how DH is misbehaving. I get enough of that on my other posts, thanks.

lieutenant_dad's picture

Your DH, in addition to silence, needs to learn the following phrases:

- Sounds like a problem. Good thing it isn't mine.

- And this pertains to SS how...?

- Do you have anything relevant about SS that you need to tell me about, because if not, we're leaving now.

Calling her stupid is just sending her the message that he still cares.

But BM is pretty damn dumb.

ladybug3's picture

In a sense he does care, because her ruining herself financially affects SS. A few months after DH and I got married he got a phone call from GBM that BM couldn't afford to buy groceries for SS. BM was leaving SS at GBM's house a lot, and GBM can barely afford to buy food for herself, so BM was buying extra food for SS. She stopped doing that because she was losing hours at her job, and as you can tell she doesn't make the best decisions. DH and I had to buy extra food for when SS was at GBM's house for weeks until BM started getting more hours. So yeah, DH doesn't want her completely ruining herself, because it hurts SS. He can't help her, and he knows he can't change her, but he gets angry when she makes decisions like this that are very obviously going to affect SS. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

No food in the house? Emergency custody order or a call to DCS.

Sounds extreme, but I have watched my DH do what yours is doing: handing her money every time she needs something "for the kid". He has to get to the point of saying "do it yourself or give me the kid, and if you won't give him to me, I'll pull out all the stops to get him".

ladybug3's picture

I'm not against doing that if it has to be done. I would leave it up to DH, however, since it's his son and all that. 

somethingwicked's picture

BM ~23 going on 13..needing attention , buying friends..or maybe Amanda was more than a friend.

And like Siempre sez BM has too much space in DH's head  and consequently your head when she shares her  non skid problems.

Boundaries are definitely needed.



ladybug3's picture

That's what we think, thankfully there's no way to know for sure because I do not want to know anything about BM's sex life... ew.