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We're finally going to court

ladybug3's picture

DH and BM were never married. They've gone by a verbal agreement about visitation with SS, and so far it's worked okay although if you've read my other posts you know BM is a massive b*tch. Anyway, last night BM told DH that she's moving about three states away. He asked her, "Can I get it in writing that you will let me see my son when you leave?" She said "Nope." According to her, DH has never done a single thing to help SS *eyeroll* and she doesn't care if he ever sees his son again. Yeah, forget the fact that we bought groceries for SS when BM couldn't afford to, forget the fact that DH has had SS the majority of the time since they split while BM is off living her best life, forget the fact that DH keeps his son when he has him while BM is constantly ditching SS with her family when it's her time to have him. But DH has never done anything for his son. 

Thankfully DH and I were prepared for this, we already had all of the paperwork filled out, it just needed to be filed. She told him she was moving last night, we filed the papers today. In my state once paternity is legally established neither parent can move more than 50 miles away from the other. Thank God BM is as dumb as she is. She actually told DH "I'm moving and there's nothing you can do to stop me." I just wish I could be there when the sheriff serves her the papers so I could see the look on her ugly face. Try to take my SS away I don't think so. 


Cbarton12's picture

Good on y'all!

BM is stupid to think she can't legally be stopped. 


tog redux's picture

I hope it works out for you! I'm pretty jaded about court given how much BM in our situation got away with. At the very least, I hope they apply the 50 mile rule. 

STaround's picture

But then the court will deide who gets primary residential custody.   They will decide based on best interest of the child, which while it certainly sounds like DH, it is subjective.  If DH gets primary, she will may long distance visitation, which is generally summers and some breaks, or if she is closer, say 70 miles, may get every other weekend.  If it ends up like this, make certain CO addresses who is responsilble for transportation

Goodluck's picture

Remember op, IF mom is given permission, your dh should turn around and file an appeal.

Something to think about below:

Also, it would be a good idea to "REQUEST" and  NOT WAVE finds of fact and conclusions.

Here I copied and pasted this for you from google.

Findings of Fact & Conclusions of Law

After many bench trials or the hearing of motions, the judge often will issue findings of fact and conclusions of law, especially if requested to do so by a party.

These set forth the facts the judge found to be true and the conclusions of law he reached regarding those facts. This allows a losing party to know how and why the judge reached his decision and whether an appeal is warranted.

If the losing party appeals, the appellate court will determine whether the factual findings are supported by the evidence and whether the legal conclusions are correct. If the court answers either question in the negative, the case will usually be reversed and sent back to the trial court for a new trial.

The lower court is sometimes required to issue such findings for there to be a valid judgement. In the case of some motions, e.g., ones for federal R11 sanctions, the lower court's failure to issue such findings will result in a differing standard of review by an appellate court when it reviews the lower court's ruling, e.g., 'de novo' rather than 'abuse of discretion'.


WalkOnBy's picture

this is federal procedure (see reference to "federal R11") court is a state court.  

ndc's picture

Do you have evidence to show how much money your DH has given her, how much time he has actually spent with SS and how DH is the better parent to the child?  At least in my state, they won't prevent a parent from moving, but they will revisit the custody arrangements, looking at the best interests of the child.  The presumption is that the child's best interests are served by keeping him with the parent who has sole or majority custody.  The presumption can be overcome, but it's a lot easier to prevent a move if the other parent already had joint custody, because then the burden of proof shifts.  I hope your state is different and the lack of a court order prior to this doesn't bite your DH in the butt.

Good luck!

ladybug3's picture

Yes, I'm a very detailed person. GBM wrote grocery lists, which I still have, and each one has a receipt stapled to it. I also kept track of all time SS spent with us. As far as DH being a better parent, the only way we could really prove that is if BMs family testified against her, which they won't. I'm really hoping this goes our way too, fingers crossed!

STaround's picture

Better is if dad has statements from doctors, teachers, etc saying he did pick ups, etc.  And some judges may treat your involvement the same as BMs parents, you may want to show he did more with the kid.  

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

Make sure your money isn’t being used for this BS. BM isn’t your ex or problem. 

ladybug3's picture

Well I am married to DH and we have a joint checking account so.... Also my parents decided to help us pay the $320 fee to have the papers filed. I've found that things work out easier when you're a united front. Plus I 100% support what's going on. 

CLove's picture

I know how nerve-wracking going to court is. The build up, the sleepless nights.

Let us know how it goes.

Prayers your way.

ladybug3's picture

I'm relieved it's finally happening but I am very nervous. Thank you, I appreciate it. Smile

still learning's picture

If you haven't even filed yet your hearing could be months out.  By then BM will be established in another state and you may have to file again in her state.  I understand the 50 mile limit due to established paternity, but judges will often allow moves and order a long distance parenting plan.  Did DH even try to stop her?  If no, then it can be argued that he allowed the move. There was only a verbal agreement, no marriage, and BM has moved so your DH's case is going to be pretty weak.   

MommyT's picture

I would recommend going in for an emergency hearing because a regular hearing could take months and by then she may have already moved.

ladybug3's picture

Unfortunately, the way it works in my state, BM has 100% sole custody until DH files and establishes paternal rights. That means she can move SS out of state if she wants, and it does not constitute an emergency in the eyes of the court. So we just have to hope and pray that she doesn't move before a hearing date is set.