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SIL isn't moving out or paying us

ladybug3's picture

We all talked last night and SIL made her situation perfectly clear. Her lawyer actually told her not to get an apartment or a job because that would hurt her chances of being able to move when court is over. He said it'll look like she's establishing herself in the area. I was completely dumbfounded. She's been in this state since JANUARY and done everything she could to move court along, but obviously that can't go any faster than it already is. So how would getting a job to support herself establish her in this state??

Not to mention the fact that her driver's license is FL, plates are FL, EVERYTHING IS FL. She only lived in the other state for THREE MONTHS. But a job here would be too much, okay. I'm pissed at her and her dumbass lawyer at this point. The way I see things she's already going to be stuck in FL, her lawyer just doesn't want to break the bad news to her because he's probably scared she'll run off and find a new lawyer. I was a liberal arts major though, so what do I know.

She said she's looking for a part-time job so that she can start paying us rent, because I guess a part-time job is safer for her than a full-time one. Whatever. I'm about a week away from contacting her lawyer to let him know that she can live with him until this is all settled. 

As soon as DH heard that her getting a job could hurt her chances in court he shut up. He cares about his nieces and he's too scared to jeopardize SIL's chances of getting full custody. No amount of me telling him that FL DOES NOT give full custody to parents is going to change his mind. They have him convinced that SIL is going to get everything she wants, which he should know by now is not how FL judges handle things. BM barely got anything she asked for. 

The way we left the conversation last night was SIL wanted to know how she could help us financially. DH didn't say anything because like I said, he's too worried about things that aren't his responsibility. So I didn't say anything. SIL told us to think about it, so later today DH and I are going to have a serious talk about the fact that she cannot simply live with us indefinitely because her lawyer told her it was a good idea. And she needs to have a deadline to get a job. Plenty of places around here are hiring like crazy because of COVID, so I know she could find a part-time job if she wanted one. It'd be McDonald's or Dollar General, sure, but it'd be a job. 


justmakingthebest's picture

On what planet does a judge not want a parent to have a home and means to support the children?? What kind of crack is this lawyer smoking???

AlmostGone83's picture

Sounds like something Little Idiot would pull.

She would say "I can't get a full time job/didn't do my homework/can't get more hours etc because my lawyer/teacher/boss said..." when in truth nobody said anything. She just didn't WANT to do it so she blames it on someone else so we can't be mad at HER.

thiscantbenormal's picture

I'm in the state your BM "works" in and this state supports stay at home "single" moms to have full custody.  They will always find someone else to support her household whether it be her ex or the taxpayers.

ladybug3's picture

He's already been paid, which is the only reason why I'd believe her. She borrowed money from a friend, and I know that because she asked us for money first (thank GOD DH said no). 

GrabitAndGo's picture

He's been paid a retainer which in custody situations are quickly exhausted - many STalkers can attest to that.  Once the retainer is gone, she still has to cough up more money.  Either an hourly rate, or pay another lump sum retainer.  

SIL is lying.  End of story.

Iamwoman's picture

Agree with Beebeel. SIL is lying.

1. FL courts tend to favor fathers, and absolutely go for 50/50 unless there is evidence of abuse or neglect.

2. SIL is going to be stuck in FL and have to go back to court later if she wants to move out of state anyway - regardless of job or not. Standard FL CO includes language prohibiting a parent from moving over 50 miles away.

If she isn't lying, her lawyer is a dud.

Gimlet's picture

Abraham Tap Dancing Lincoln, how are you not heading for a bottle of tequila for breakfast?

I agree with JMTB and beebeel, I don't understand this at all.

She does need to have a deadline and if she insists she can't work, she can go live with MIL and too bad if it inconveniences her.  In the meantime, she would be my chore bitch and I would leave her with a daily list of all the work that needed to be done AND I would be super clear about the kind of parenting you expected from her.

I also think she is full of it.  She's enjoying her time on the couch with no parenting or work responsibilities. 

Your husband's family does not get to decide what happens in your home, period. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Do you have proof that her lawyer is actually saying these things? Because it sounds made up. 

SteppedOut's picture

Exactly this. I think she is blowing smoke up your ass to get what she WANTS. It has nothing to do with what she NEEDS. 

I call bullshit. Have you done a simple Google search to see how to legally establish residency in your state? Does she get mail there? You have already said DL/car registration (visitors don't change their DL/car registration). 

GrabitAndGo's picture

I'd want to see where her lawyer put it in writing she shouldn't get a job.  If SIL can't produce that, then I'd demand she get her lawyer on speakerphone and have him repeat those instructions for your own ears.  Your SIL is either a lying liar face, or she has completely incompetent legal counsel.

I agree with others on this thread.  SIL can go live with her own mom, or she can become your live-in maid in exchange for room and board.  Also, not parenting her children would NOT be an option.  

hereiam's picture

Sure, because not even trying to financially support your children or give them a home shows what a great parent you are.

So glad that DH and I made the agreement a long time ago that NO BODY lives with us.

tog redux's picture

Tell her she pays rent and she parents her children, or out she goes.

Or better yet, just kick her out. After what DH went through with his own kid, why would he try to keep another father from HIS kids? 

Crspyew's picture

What state is providing her snap benefits?  This is crazy, & agree with others, time to throw the bs flag.

24 years as a SM's picture

Sorry I am just waking up, SIL doesn't want to establish residences in your area? The dumbass cow already did, when she filed for FOOD STAMPS!! 

If, and this is a big IF, her lawyer told her this b*llsh*t, he needs to be fired. She's going to look like a total idiot going into court. No job, no housing, besides bumming off of generous family members, just in general being a lazy cow.

simifan's picture

ExDH fought a relocation. It took over a year. That was without a pandemic. Courts here have been closed since March. Time to have a heart to heart with SIL. 

Thumper's picture

I knew this was not going well yesterday. NOW it is worse.


1. first she borrows money from a friend...if she has no job, how is she gonna pay back her friend?

2. Now she is squatting at your house, no job and not paying rent.

Nothing adds up.





secret's picture

Can you have a quick co ference call with her, dh you and the lawyer to clarify the restrictions?

If it's true, there should be no issue with you getting clarity from the lawyer directly....Yes?