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A repeat of last time

ladybug3's picture

I just need to get this stuff off my chest because I carry DH's worries around a lot with no one to talk to. 

DH has two sons from two different women, the first son was born when DH was only 17. It was in a different state and he didn't know his rights at the time, so he ended up with zero custody. The state gave the custody to the grandparents (BM's parents), and now DH hasn't seen that son since he was born (13 years ago). The court system completely failed him, and he trusted verbal agreements between himself and BM's parents, which ended up being false promises. He knows he was young and dumb, and even though it was 13 years ago I still have to comfort him sometimes, especially on SS's birthday. 

Now the second BM is threatening to take SS4 away, and I'm probably more scared than DH is. He knows his rights a lot better this time, and my aunt is a paralegal so she's been helping us get everything together to go to court. DH is worried, of course, but I have it worse I think. We've saved so much money to be able to buy a house when our apartment lease is up in a year, but I know if this thing goes south we'll have to use that money to try and get SS back. 

I love DH and SS, and I would never try to stop DH from getting his son back just because I want a house instead of a one-bedroom apartment. However, I can't help but feel a little resentment. But honestly, if BM jets off to a different state and we never see SS again I would feel absolutely terrible. I hope things don't repeat what happened to DH last time, because I'm not sure if he could handle it. And that means I wouldn't be able to handle it, because we're eachothers support system. 

I just hate having to sit and wait around for BM to get served with the papers so we can find out what her next move will be. 


ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

(((HUGS))) the waiting IS the hardest part. We had to wait for MONTHS before they finally got Psycho served. It was a LONG wait. 

You got this! Just take a deep breathe!!! I hope that things go well for you guys!!!

ladybug3's picture

Thank you!! I need to start meditating or something because stress is NOT good for me lol. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Either that or get a punching bag. Or both. Just something to distract you and destress!!! 

futurobrillante99's picture

Having a house will actually look better than having a 1 bedroom apartment, when it comes to getting visitation or custody.

ladybug3's picture

If we could afford to fight BM in court AND buy a house we definitely would. The only upside to this is that BM lives in her sister's spare room, while we rent our apartment. So I think we look better than her... at least a little bit lol.

Harry's picture

The court may want to Know how you all going to live in a one bed room apartment.  Two SS and two of you. BM May be in a room in her sisters home but I am sure the kid can used the whole house, and that only one kid not two.   More important is how are you going to cope in such a small place.?  You have a 13 yo. SS you never saw now living with you. Not a 4 yo