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The PAS makes me feel sick

ladybug3's picture

We all know that BM is SS's favorite, but since the process of going to court has started we've been seeing a hell of a lot more PAS. Yesterday DH went to pick up SS, and when he got there SS threw a fit saying he didn't want to leave mommy's house. Then, in front of SS, BM says, "You normally don't want him on Thursdays anyway, just go home." SS immediately mimics her, "Yeah daddy, you don't want me on Thursdays anyway!" 

It breaks my heart that this sweet little boy is going to hate DH one day and he won't even know why. 

DH feels secure that once we have a CO things will get better. 

Comments

tog redux's picture

I honestly feel like I have some PTSD symptoms from witnessing parental alienation.  When it first started, my SS was 11 and he used to come into our room at night, crying and apologizing to DH (turns out he was lying to everyone and their mother about DH at BM's urging).  It's horrible to watch child abuse and be unable to do anything about it.

It may calm down when court action is over, but your DH has to do everything in his power to avoid allowing it all to be dragged out.  Your saving grace is that it's hard to alienate a 5-year-old because of their age (9-15 is the most impressionable ages). 

thinkthrice's picture

Extremely early.  In my case the Girhippo started as soon as the Houseshitter was able to talk and gained speech abilities... right around Age 2.  The entire Clan joined in including battleaxe.  

Before he could talk he would hold my hand allow me to help him get dressed excetera excetera as soon as he learned to talk it was like a light switch had been flipped.  He pulled back from me and started asking leading questions about when Chef was married to his mom which he couldn't even remember because they broke up when he was a toddler.

tog redux's picture

If the parent keeps it up from toddlerhood on, it certainly can start then. But if it's just a period of PAS during a court appearance, it usually doesn't take as well.  Older siblings help PAS the younger ones, too.

thinkthrice's picture

Extremely early.  In my case the Girhippo started as soon as the Houseshitter was able to talk and gained speech abilities... right around Age 2.  The entire Clan joined in including battleaxe.  

Before he could talk he would hold my hand allow me to help him get dressed excetera excetera as soon as he learned to talk it was like a light switch had been flipped.  He pulled back from me and started asking leading questions about when Chef was married to his mom which he couldn't even remember because they broke up when he was a baby.

thinkthrice's picture

dup

Thisisnotus's picture

ugh. I'm so sorry. We are on year 2 of SD11 (so she was 9 when it started) being totally PAS'd. My DH thought it would get better since it didn't start right away.....it only started a year after DH and I were married....the first year was totally fine. It has gotten worse.....SD won't even take off her shoes at our house....she won't go upstairs where the kids rooms are.....she won't eat dinner at the table.....the list goes on. It's funny cause BM tried to PAS the 16 year old at the same time (so she was 14) but failed......so BM just gave up but lays guilt on her for wanting to stay at our house.

It doesn't magically get better....the BM's don't stop doing it and I think it just brings kids further and further away from dad. But I'm sure dad is the bad guy....aren't they always?

shamds's picture

the pas aggressor remarries and their spouse joins in on the pas on some bs preconceived notion that the bio dad is all what bio mum claims or they know she is lying but are happy to join in on the fun...

then some dads give up because its a losing battle and the kids are already visibly traumatised and know court will do jackshit about it since pas isn’t recognised as a thing or even abuse. It just sucks...

what happens when the dad remarries and has more kids who grow up seeing half siblings making false horrible allegations of their parent, yeah they’ll totally want to maintain a relationship 

also with pas the excuses the kids make to not be around the alienated parent are just pathetic and ridiculous because deep down they know its bs but they’re so brainwashed and its been so ingrained and drilled into the that it is the truth

SMto2's picture

"It breaks my heart that this sweet little boy is going to hate DH one day and he won't even know why."

Indeed. This is exactly what happened with my OSS25. When he was about 11 or 12, he started saying he didn't want to come for EOW visitations anymore.  When my DH would ask him why, he'd say, "I don't know." I told DH that would NEVER have been acceptable to me. However, my DH never wanted to rock the boat in any way, so things progressed to the point that from about age 13 to 18, SS not only stopped visiting altogether but he stopped all contact with DH. Within the same year that oldest SS stopped coming, youngest SS figured out he could get away with not coming, too (he wasn't hostile, just apathetic.) The damage caused from the years lost are something they can never get back, as even though SS25 speaks to DH now (and lets DH pay to take him and his family on vacation, etc.) things are very distant between them. I fully believe it's child abuse to turn a child againt a loving parent and the parent who does that should be prosecuted.

ladybug3's picture

I completely agree that it's child abuse. It's definitely psychologically damaging, and that can have severe consequences. 

Trying to Stepmom's picture

My SD would bring up stuff about DH cheating and blah blah blah, and even bring up his first ex wife. She sounded like BM when she would say that stuff. DH would try and shut it down but she always found someway to bring it up every few months. SD eventually admitted to DH that she made it up and she didn’t know why. (Well, DH and I know why - she heard it from BM.)

She tried to bring up the bs again at the beginning of the summer. We were in the car on our way to see family. I was sick of it and shut it down immediately! Well, SD shut up about it quickly and we haven’t heard her mention the lies since. 

Goodluck's picture

Youtube Dr. Craig Childress "Parental Alienation"....his videos are numbered, starting a #1

watch them...every single one of them...