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OT - DH is working more

ladybug3's picture

The last blog I posted about DH I vented that he doesn't want to work but he wants to spend money. We had a long talk about his issues, and he actually agreed that it wasn't right of him to only work part time while expecting me to buy him toys. 

My main issue was him telling other people things like "the wife won't let me buy that" as though it's my fault we don't have a lot of extra money. He tried to tell me that it was always a joke, but I told him it still hurt and made me feel like he doesn't respect me. Since then he hasn't said it one time so I think he actually heard me. 

He's also been working more hours. He's been asking his boss to schedule him more, which makes me happy. He was working 20-25 hours a week, and now he's a lot closer to 40. He asked if I wanted him to find a better job and I said no. He has a habit of always being unhappy at work and thinking the grass is greener somewhere else, so I told him to put his time in here until his boss makes him a manager (which is what he wants). 

He's also been cutting back on how much he spends. He was buying lunch every day and 3 or 4 sodas, which seriously adds up. Now he's much more conscious, which I appreciate. 


thinkthrice's picture

as a manager.  there are some who are NEVER satisfied.  Chef always thinks the grass is greener.  Very immature outlook on life.  I'd be very retiscent to think things have permanently changed

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your H asking if you wanted him to find a better job was a trap - and you fell right into it.

Don't get tricked into micromanaging this manchild. Instead, tally up his half of your monthly household expenses, plus his c.s., plus contributions to savings and retirement. Give him the figure, and tell him he needs to contribute at least that much each month, PLUS money for his legal fees. How he decides to go about it is up to him.

ladybug3's picture

I do leave a lot up to him. DH has a lot of insecurities, and one of them is not being able to provide enough. Then it's like his laziness kicks in and he doesn't care if he can provide. But I never want to give him the impression that I look down on him for not making enough, because that's counterproductive to what I'm trying to accomplish. If he thinks I look down on him he'll shut down. So telling him that no, I don't want him to get a better job, was my way of saying that he's good enough. He just needs more hours lol.

ladybug3's picture

That's exactly what I've been doing! I keep telling him that any other boss would be the same way, any other job will start him out at the bottom, etc. etc.... I pointed out how long it took my boss to notice how hard I was working at my job, and I told him to give it time. 

beebeel's picture

Bleh. My 43 year old brother has also managed to act right and work a fulltime job every now and then. It never lasts more than a few months. Just long enough for his enabling wife to think he's changed.