DH can't ignore BM
I've written about this a little in the past, but something happened again today. Since BM got served with the papers it's been almost complete radio silence from her, which has been so nice. Then out of the blue today she texted DH, "I understand you completely." He was at work but he took the time to call her to find out what she meant. Even though I've told him a million times I hate it when he talks to her about anything other than SS. And besides that, since this whole court thing is going on I've stressed to him how important it is that he gets all communication in writing, i.e., text messages.
I'm so tired that he can't ignore her. They were together for four years so she's very good at getting under his skin. She knows exactly what to say to make him want to know more. She texted him a few weeks ago, "Can I ask you something?" I was sitting right next to DH when he got the text and I told him not to respond. A few days later he went to pick SS up and he asked her what she had wanted to ask him. So he only ignores her when I'm around. But he has no problem telling me about their conversations, like he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. I hate when he starts talking to me and the conversation begins with, "You're never going to believe what BM said to me today..."
I've tried a tactic I've seen suggested on here where I ignore him when he talks about BM. He got irritated with me that I wasn't listening to him, and I told him I didn't want to hear about BM. He got pissy and walked away. "She makes me angry and I have to talk to someone about it, why can't I talk to you?" is what he always says. I told him why, it doesn't seem like he cares.
I texted him today that it really bothers me when he can't ignore her. He told me he does ignore her, he just wants me to know what's going on. Calling your ex to find out what her cryptic text message meant is literally the opposite of ignoring her, and I said that. I don't understand how someone could be hurt so badly by their ex but then still care so much about what they have to say.
I don't know how to get him to listen to me. I've repeated myself so many times (sometimes crying, sometimes screaming), because this has been happening our whole relationship. I'm terrified that it will never stop, but I love him so much I can't think about leaving. I don't want to get nasty but I'm starting to think it might be the only way to get him to listen. Like asking, "Do you still love her?" and things like that might make him realize how serious this is to me.