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BM sounds willing to compromise... how sweet.

ladybug3's picture

If you aren't familiar with my situation, BM is a total nut-job. DH and her were never married, so he was constantly at her whim for seeing SS. They had a verbal agreement that he would see SS every weekend from Friday afternoon to Monday morning. Occasionally BM would change the plan last minute (literally DH would get a text "I'm five minutes away from your house, put SS's shoes on"). 

Before filing the paternity action he tried to talk it out with her. He told her over and over again that by not sticking to a schedule she was forcing him to take her to court. She didn't care, and she threatened him every time he brought up court. 

He finally filed, and she was still beligerant and unwilling to talk. The first time she reached out to "talk it out" with him was when she was faced with filling out the mountain of paperwork to respond to his petition. He told her no, she'd had her chance. 

When they went to CO mediation she was rude and wouldn't compromise one iota. DH tried to compromise with her, but she wouldn't budge on the parenting plan she had filed. All of this could have ended at mediation, but she refused. 

Fast-forward to the case management conference. The magistrate told her that not letting DH see SS was a major no-no, and it would land her in a lot of trouble if she kept it up. BM was also told that both parties would be able to call witnesses and present evidence, which DH said freaked her out. She got upset and tried arguing with the magistrate that it was supposed to be a closed trial.  

Today we got the paperwork in the mail detailing what we would need to bring to trial, and what would have to be filed 14 days before trial. It's a lot and it's complicated, but DH and I are smart (thank God). 

Cue the obligatory text from BM about working it out. "I would like to speak with you about agreeing on a parenting plan with SS. Any witnesses on your end is pointless and in general I don't think it'll solve anything and just be a waste of everyone's time." 

Yeah, and just like every other time they tried to work things out before he filed, all she will be interested in is trying to threaten him into doing what she wants. By bringing up that witnesses "on his end" will be pointless, she's trying to intimidate him. For some reason she thinks it will work. 


tog redux's picture

I think it's worth seeing what she proposes. Could be used as evidence if it's ridiculous. And if it's not, better than wasting money on court. 

ladybug3's picture

Possibly, but she's never been willing to compromise. They've both already filed parenting plans with the court, so she knows exactly what he wants and vice versa. I think it'll just be another attempt at scaring him into backing down. 

Wnc2ak's picture

I didn't think anyone could suck as badly as the one I deal with, they're breeding! 

All joking aside, push forward and push hard my friend! I hope you have a better run in court than we did! Nail her!

Cooooookies's picture

Witnesses are pointless....hahahahaha!  AKA a few people will call me out on the b.s. I've done to my child's father plus the documentation and I'll look bad in front of the judge.  Welp, should've thought about that before you gave him h*ll.

Please have your DH igore those messages and carry on with the court proceedings as planned.

ladybug3's picture

DH mentioned at the case management conference that he had text message screenshots he would be bringing as evidence.... So yeah she's scared lmao

Siemprematahari's picture

She should be scared and her trying to intimidate him isn't working so she needs to get her head out her @ss. Like the other posters suggested, ignore her and continue with the process. Hope everything works out in his favor.

Harry's picture

You should let the courts handle it.  Get a court order on visitation, and other thing.  

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with Tog, tell her to send over a proposal. 

Best case: She sends something reasonable that you guys agree to. It get submitted to the court with an official order and you are done.

Worst case: It is crap and you tell her no thank you. 

Either way: Having her send something over shows that YOU are willing to work with her even if she isn't willing to work with you. You are trying to co-parent and she is blocking and refusing to have a decent relationship that would be in the best interest of the child. 

tog redux's picture

I agree. "Write it up and send it, and I'll consider it" is all he needs to say.  

Court is a crap shoot. It's always worth trying to come to an agreement before you go in.  

simifan's picture

Settling is always cheaper. A few emails or texts cost you nothing.


However,I  would not ask BM to write anything up. I would have DH throw out a schedule for more then you're willing to settle. See if she's serious. This gives you a place to bargain from.

If  she is, make sure DH's attorney writes up the paperwork and make sure it gets submitted to the court so it is legally binding.


shamds's picture

But it won’t last long. Women like her who are narcissists are always about finding an angle in their favour, how it benefits them so they can inflict more damage. She’s screwing you around still so continue with court. Otherwise she will continue to string you on, history has proven that

ladybug3's picture

Exactly, history always repeats itself. She tried the "changed woman" act when he broke up with her, and it lasted a good 16 hours before she went back to her crazy self. 

shamds's picture

Their 2 daughters and ceasing contact or notifying where they lived, has eldest sd then aged 22.5 re-initiate contact with hubby claiming mummy is a changed woman see she told me to contact you, remember dad she has changed.

eldest sd was clearly brainwashed on bio mums bullshit and trying ti brainwash hubby. Seconds later sd tells hubby they can’t be a family like she wanted because her mummy (who seconds later sd admitted was a psycho and behaved crazily to her dad and had lied so much about their dad), told them dad had gone to witch drs to do black magic so they can’t be a family.

so it lasted barely a few mins her i’m a changed woman act... sd’s are so brainwashed they couldn’t see right through the bs and hypocrisy and somehow, me who has only known hubby for 6.5 yrs vs skids who have known hubby for 23.5, 21.5 & 14.5 years respectively, even i know given a choice between hubby playing golf and seeing with drs to do black magic against his wife, its golf 100% of the time.

if it were a choice between sex with me and going to witch drs to do black magic against the exwife, its sex with current wife everytime. Sd’s even know their mum and her family hate her so much that they’re continually fighting and doing black magic it’s ridiculous people who should know hubby better than me really don’t know shit!!

i’ve seen bio mum in such denial about her behaviour, failures and mistakes and she blames hubby when its her own fault. Her ego and narcissism can’t let hubby move on with his life and our 2 kids together


ReginaPhalange's picture

She sounds like a real TOOL!  Sounds like you guys have your shit together and will come out on top.  I agree, let the courts handle it from here.  Wishing you luck!