I finally have a good update to SIL living with us. My last few OT blogs explain what's been going on.
Anyway, SIL has been living with her grandma since her grandpa was in the hospital. It's been at least two weeks, maybe longer. All of her stuff is still at our house. Last night I was neatening up SS's room because it's his weekend with us and it was pretty messy. Most of it wasn't his fault because SIL's daughters were the last ones to be in the room so I didn't make him clean it up. Now I'm glad I didn't, because I found SIL's vibrator mixed in with some of SS's toys.
She's just so mad that she can't have everything her way anymore. The CO doesn't specify pick up and drop off times during the summer and other school breaks, because pick up and drop offs are supposed to coincide with school.
So BM arbitrarily decided that 7am would be the designated pick up and drop off time. Well DH went along with that for a few weeks and then he got tired of it. BM asked one morning if they could switch the time to 8am the next exchange day because she had something going on in the morning, so DH said they would just switch it to 8am every day afterward.
Nothing huge, but ever since court DH and I have silently been worried that BM won't follow the CO unless it suits her. Well, Memorial Day weekend was the first holiday since the CO that DH would be getting SS on time that normally wouldn't be his. BM typically gets him every single Monday, but the CO says that whichever parent has timesharing for that weekend also gets SS for the holiday. And this year that would be DH.
DH and BM had a skype call with SS's principal, vice principal, teacher, and a school counselor. DH and the teacher both agreed on SS's learning and behavioral issues and they requested that he be held back from 1st grade. SS took a test that placed his academic age at 4 year old and he's almost 6, so it would probably benefit him to be held back and helped more.
We all talked last night and SIL made her situation perfectly clear. Her lawyer actually told her not to get an apartment or a job because that would hurt her chances of being able to move when court is over. He said it'll look like she's establishing herself in the area. I was completely dumbfounded. She's been in this state since JANUARY and done everything she could to move court along, but obviously that can't go any faster than it already is. So how would getting a job to support herself establish her in this state??
EDIT: I called DH today and talked to him about all of this and SIL overheard the conversation. She told their mom about it who called DH. I expected a big sh*t show to ensue but surprisingly it went better than I thought. MIL claims that SIL can't get a job because if she did then this state would legally be her place of residence, which would keep her from being able to move back to the state she wants to live at. DH explained that this state already is SIL's place of residence whether or not she has a job. No one cares. His family isn't that smart.
I've decided that my heart is too big and I need a reverse Grinch ASAP so my heart can grow three sizes too small.
My SIL is living with us because her baby daddy is an a-hole (see OT - SIL's ex got arrested). She has two little girls, 4 and 2. She has them three days on, three days off. I love my SIL, don't get me wrong, but when her girls are at our house she almost completely ignores them. She makes sure they're fed and important stuff like that, but otherwise she's on her phone sitting on our couch. There is zero parenting going on.
DH has actually started asking me for parenting advice with SS. He was raised in a very abusive household (when he wasn't living on the street), so healthy parenting is not easy for him. He is far from abusive with SS, but he does not know how to effectively discipline. Last night he had a breakdown because he said SS is scared of him, which isn't entirely true. SS is a very strange child imo, and being his SM I think I can be unbiased in saying that. In a sense SS is scared of everyone.
BM and her family hate me, I don't care, I've never cared. BM and her sisters made it very clear that I should have nothing to do with SS because he already has a mom, I'm not in a relationship with him so I shouldn't interact with him, yadda yadda. They even went so far as to say that SS will never have a real family with me and DH. What they don't know won't hurt them is how DH and I feel about it.
I say "someone" because I don't know for sure that it's BM but it's definitely someone in BM's family or friend group. SS is 5 and almost every time DH or I go to take a picture of him he poses. Like, head tilted, hand up to his face in a girly way type pose.