Fight with DH...not sure where to go (long)
DH and I have been together for over 6 years. We got together soon after I moved to the state (not knowing anyone) and him going thru a divorce (and losing any friendships he did have because BM "won" those friends). So it's just been the 2 of us most of this time.I have a friend from high school that moved to the area that I go out to dinner with at most every other month. DH started a bowling league that goes every Tuesday after DD18 months was born because he needed to get out of the house for himself.
I'll try not to make this too long but DH and BM broke up, largely because she cheated on him. Well leading up to the divorce BM had gone back to school and spent a lot of time out going to "study groups" or "girls nights" with her new friends. I guess this has really stuck in DH's head because he does not like "girls nights". As in he promised himself he would not be okay with those in any future relationship and now has told me "he's gone back on his promise to himself" regarding these since I go occasionally.
When DD18 months was born there was a coworker (I'll call her April, and her husband Cory) my age that had a son within days of DD18 months. We have since bonded and hang out outside of work frequently, as families, with kids and husbands, with just kids, no husbands, and sometimes just girls. She has introduced me to her large group of girlfriends that have kids similar ages as my DDs, which has been great. DH has had a little bit harder of a time acclimating to the new group of friends, which I think is normal for guys, but he gets a long with Cory just fine.
April mentioned going to an event this weekend that I've wanted to go to for years, but have not been able to go to. We talked about going last year and brigning the kids, but we never ended up going. I asked April if we should bring our kids, and she responded that Cory didn't want to go so we could leave the kids at home and make it a girls day. I know DH didn't want to go to this event, because he didnt' want to go last year and complained about it so I figured that would work out.
This basically pushed DH over the edge, he keeps saying that he feels excluded and has caused a big fight. He keeps telling me that he thinks April is driving my relationship with her and that I'm just a doormat because when she wants to do a girls event I don't push back to include DH. In reality April just invites me to things she already has planned and I dont' feel like it's my place to invite my DH when it's suposed to be a girls outing. Our converation ended with me saying "I know you think April is making me a doormat, but I don't, and the only person I think I'm a doormat with is you".
The other issue is that when DH and I go out just the two of us he does not like for us to talk about work or kids (which I totally get), however I literally have nothing else going on in my life, its, work, kids, gym, grocery store, repeat. When I feel like I finally have some opportunity to get out of the house myself (he has his bowling) and have some interests outside of just being a mom and wife, I end up feeling guilty about it.
So, do y'all have girls only nights? Am I out of bounds here pushing to have some independence from my relationship? I honestly feel like this might break my marriage...I don't know what to do.