my rights as a stepmom
i am wondering what exactly are my rights as a stepmom. My husbands ex beleives that I should basically have nothing to do with her son. He has been having some behavioral problems in school lately and my husband has been trying to get the teacher to call him back with no results. So i called her twice ( with no results) and today my husbands ex calls raising heck saying that i have no business ever calling the school or contacting his teacher. My stepson and i are very close...if he is having problems in school my husband and i should be able to work as the team that we are to find out if there is anything we can do. She has 3 children by 3 different men and isnt exactly hands on when it comes to their schooling. Oh...did I mention that she threatened to have me arrested if I did it again? What can I legally do?
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Are you on the child's contact list?
Are you on the child's list of contacts? If not, she may have a point. Make sure that you are on the contact list so that this isn't an worry.
Are you crazy?! We have no rights! (Ha, ha!)
What is the custody arrangement? I think in all states it is the same... there is not just one type of custody, meaning residential, but two types of custody, meaning residential and legal. So even if you don't have any residential custody and the child lives with the other parent full-time, you can still have shared legal custody, which gives both parents the right to make decisions affecting the child. Check your court documents and see what it says about legal custody.
If he has shared legal custody, then he has the right to equal access to school records, same as BM. If he does, then he needs to call the principal and make an appointment to meet with the principal and the teacher. Take the court documents with you showing that he also has legal custody and then the school cannot legally withhold information from him. They will have to work with him the same way that they would the mother. Period. If they are not prepared to do this, then I'd take it to the superindendent of the school board.
This all needs to come from your husband, though, and not you. I don't know what the ramifications would be if she did try to have you arrested, I doubt if she could find anyone to arrest you, because you've committed no crime. It is not a crime to make a phone call to a school teacher. (What an idiot!) You personally might not be legally entitled to the information, but the guilty party would be the school releasing it, not you for requesting it, especially if you request it at the behest of your spouse. So don't let her intimidate you, but do make sure all the communications come from your husband because that just makes it easier for everyone involved. If it comes from him or appears to come from him, then she has no gripe.
~ Anne ~
Why is it that grandparents
Why is it that grandparents have more rights to a child then stepparents? I read something (on here I believe) where the grandparents can take the custodial parent to court to receive visitation of their grandchildren…I recall that in what I was reading, the custodial mother did not want the paternal grandfather to see her children b/c her ex-husband had confided in her that his father had sexually abused either him or his siblings when they were younger…but the judge awarded this grandfather unsupervised visitation rights…but a step parent can’t call a school about a child that they often SHARE the responsibility of caring for, often times much more then a grandparent does!
Make a GREAT Day!
I think grandparents have
I think grandparents have more rights then stepparents because you know the old saying "blood is thicker than water". I think the fact that they are blood relatives and the parents of the child's parent makes a huge difference to the courts than someone who marries mom or dad and is not blood related. I could be wrong but that's what it seems like to me. Stepparent's don't have too many rights (if any at all ) when it comes to our stepchildren because the truth is as much as we may care for them, love them and take part in raising them the fact still remains that we are not their parents and the law makes that Crystal Clear to stepparents. If we adopt our stepchildren then it's a different story but if neither parent has signed over any rights to us then we are very limited in our involvement in our skids lives. It's a sad truth, but I think if more stepparents would tell themselves this it would save alot of frustration and even heartache.
krstjump03, Hey I just want
krstjump03,
Hey I just want to say you sound like a reasonable lady with the kids best interest @ heart. I do feel for you. I just want to say that the reason schools handle step parents the way they do is because for every well intentioned stepmom like you there is another rabid, raging, lying stepmom.
My Son's stepmom is trying to move my son out of our school district and into the school district that she and his father moved to. My ex is behind her all the way I am sure. My ex will not meet me in mediation so he and I can not talk about it. My ex is pretty uninvolved in school related support for my Son. He is getting her to do all his dirty work. She refers to herself as "Mother" not stepmother. But she presents well. She is believable. So... I'm trying to find laws that will prevent her from doing this.
When things get ugly I think schools have no choice but to stay neutral even if they'd prefer to side with the reasonable party.
BTW my lawyer tells me that my only option is to get sworn afidavits from school staff stating that she is doing this. Then I can get a restraining order on her. From the research I have done on the internet so far she is right.
You have my best wishes that you can stay a calm reasonable adult that doesn't let this all drive you crazy. I have had to learn that some things I can just NOT control. Peace.
I hate to say it, but in a
I hate to say it, but in a legal sense you have no rights at all. You are in loco parentis when the child is in your care, i.e. you have responsibilities, but you have no rights. With your DH you have a personal right to expect a basic level of conduct and discipline regarding the child when they are in your home, but in terms of the larger parenting decisions and legal stuff, school etc it's the parents who have the exclusive rights. You could maybe get around it by being your husband's proxy in his absence which would give you some (very flimsy) rights, but if it's obvious that it's the father's decision and you're simply doing it in his stead, e.g. attending parents' evening, then maybe that could work. Unfortunately in this case BM still has the right to shoot you down.