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Krissy123's picture

This is my first time posting but I have read a lot of the blogs and forums and it's really good to feel like I'm not alone. So there's been a lot going on I'll try to simplify a long story. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for, advice or just to vent but probably both. I met my DH 3 1/2 years ago. At that time SD was 9 SS was 21. I'm mad at myself foe sticking around when the I saw the red flags with DH and SD. They had a strained relationship before I came along. No issues with SS. I should ad I have a BD that was almost 21 at the time. Initially I was very into being SM. I did more with SD than DH. I have done drop offs and pick ups, movies, shopping, baking, playing games, goinggto school functions, sports, whatever she wanted. Fast forward DH heard from his family that BM was putting a case together against DH. He wanted to beat her to the punch and had her served first. So there startd family court, attorneys..a bunch of crap I've never been through. It was hell. SD started causing issues in our home, disrespectful, lying, taking things etc..she has lied on me several times and I am now disengaged because I'm honestly just so tired of trying and I don't know what is up BM sleeve next. She wanted to relocate and that was denied and she got less of an increase in CS than she wanted. Basically she wanted to move to San Diego with her BF and get enough CS to afford living expenses in CA. DH wasnt supportive of me during all this. I had to listen to him talk about BM everyday for at least 2 years. I don't feel he was concerned about SD moving as much as he was concerned about BM. I wasn't able to be as supportive as I know I can be because I felt it was about BM and not the child. 98percent of our conversations regarding the court case we're about BM. Never SD.   Also, my BD had a baby in May 2017 was living with the father, they had issues and my BD and GD needed a place to stay for awhile. My DH told me they could go to a shelter. I about lost it. Everything I've gone through with SD and SS also lived with us for 6 months a year or so prior. BD and GD moved in, I think DH realized he would not have a wife any longer if I wasn't able to help BD. They move out this weekend after 9 months living with us. DH is very critical and negative when talking about my BD. She goes to work everyday takes care of her baby never goes out. Never once has asked us to babysit. She is respectful and doesn't cause problems. I took the time to bond with my GD and he barely speaks to her. A couple weeks ago we had an issue with an apartment my BD was supposed to get and he got mad and went to a hotel. I was livid. Again, all I've done for your brat and u can't deal with anything or make sacrifices?! I was very hurt, still am actually because I feel like he would never go through for me what I have for him and I just feel really stupid. I'm married to a man that I can't say would do anything for me. There's way more than I can actually put down here. I'm not getting anything extraordinary out of this marriage to be dealing with the things I have and will have to. Sorry so long I was trying to make it short. Any advice welcome


Iamwoman's picture

Your DH sounds like an a$$. Sometimes these a$$es are Romeos when it comes to wooing but once they think we are tied down, their true selves emerge. My exH was like that.

The question you should ask yourself is this:

Are you better off with him or without him?


For my exH it was so easy to conclude I was better off without him. He was a jerk to me, a jerk to DD, didn’t contribute financially, spent all of my savings, and thought I was cheating on him if I went out to get gas and a cup of coffee. Simple choice there. I thought about what my life was like before him, and wished I had that life back. Three months later, I did!

My DH now (6 years married, 7 together, 28 years of knowing each other) would absolutely do anything and everything for me. He even has told me that if I die before him, he plans on still building my dream house and buying my dream boat in memeory of me. I never thought a man like this existed because prior to him, I’d only ever met jerks like exH and HCBD...