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Why do I give a crap?????

Krissy's picture

Okay, so today I went onto the Child Support site to change the contact info. from mine to STBX's (I had all email alerts and such sent to me since STBX can't manage his shit to save his life). When I logged in, I saw that he has an upcoming "event"--BB filed for ANOTHER support increase--the third in 2 years. I imagine it has something to do with the fact that I was covering SS's medical and she and STBX agreed that she would add SS to her plan and he would reimburse her, but somehow I just KNOW it has something to do with the fact that we are getting divorced and she thinks that he now has more money to spend on SS. Just the opposite is true, as I contributed to the bills and now it's just him. Also, she signed SS up for a private school in Sept. and I just know she is expecting STBX to pick up the tab for a good portion of that. I TOLD him not to sign anything for the school enrollment since he hates that school but he doesn't think kidergarten is that big of a deal to fuss over. Well, it is when the tuition is $5K/yr + another $1K in misc. expenses AND extra for extended daycare. Did he listen to me? NOPE.

Now--I refer back to the title of this--WHY. DO. I. CARE??? This bullshit is what ruined my life for the past 2 years, my freaking out and worrying and him being pissed but not doing anything about it and ultimately fighting with ME over it. So much of the venom in our marriage stemmed from this, so much of the stress that lead to me having medical issues stemmed from this...yet now that I am FINALLY done, I STILL cannot just let it go. It's eats at me so badly. I used to think it was just because I didn't want our lives to suffer because of her, but now I guess it's more that I am troubled for STBX because he is barely getting by emotionally and as he works ONLY on commission, tho his YTD is always nice, he makes most of his money in 4 out of the 12 months. Also, he has another kid he pays CS for that is not considered in figuring the maintenance.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. MAKE IT STOP!!!! Why am i sucking myself back in???

Comments

Imustbcrazy's picture

And no matter what has happened in the recent past, this is still a man that you cared about enough to marry~ you don't wish bad things to happen to him. You will be one of the few Ex wives that don't want to see their EX's life end up in the toilet.... you are a good person.. ADMIT IT KRISSY, you are a good person! Sucks that it makes the splitting up so much harder, but that's what happens to good people sometimes. But it will all come back to you in the end. Karma has it's good points too you know!

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

happy's picture

ALthough you love to tell yourself its over and you don't care, you still do care and it shows.. And don't beat yourself up over it. OK. It took you time to fall in love and its going to take time to get over it. Give yourself a little break. The headache of her wanting more support is just that hers and his. You are over it. Let it go. Let him worry about all that and grow up and be responsible. You are not responsible to take care of him anymore. He is a grown man. I am sorry honey, I know you are hurt and that is the bottom line you are hurt. You feel this situation is partially why your marriage did not work to begin with. But in all seriousness he is not worth your time or energy, you deserve so much more. SO smile and know that we here care about you, and because I do, let this man stand on his own two feet for once without you having to hold him up. Let her try to suck more money out of him because she may or may not get it but at any rate, its none of your concern anymore. remember someone will come along and this will all be one of those not so proud moments that you look at family and friends and yell at them for not stopping or yelling at you for being stupid.. LOL.. Its all ok.. Give yourself some healing time.. K
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

Candice's picture

you cannot manage another person's life. Your stbx sticks his head in the ground and doesn't pay attention to his own life when people are sticking him. That is his problem. If he wants to remain completely broke, and have to life with his parents, that is his CHOOSING. If he paid attention, got his act together, and defended himself against people taking advantage of him, he wouldn't be in this situation.

You are so frustrated b/c you don't want to see him treated this way, and you think he needs you to defend him. It's easier for him to allow you to defend him, so he chooses the easy way out, and let's you do all the work. Now that you aren't doing all the work to prevent him getting screwed, he wants to pity himself and not do anything at all. Well, sorry, but he needs to learn to take care of his own finances, as well as saying no sometimes. We all love our children and want what is best for them, but private school tuition isn't always what we can afford. And if he doesn't like the school to begin with, and doesn't say anything about it, well, that is his problem that he is signing himself up for.

This isn't YOUR fault, but you are accepting the responsibility and guilt as if it is. You can't control his decision making, so don't accept the guilt, let it go, realize you have your own problems to take care of, focus on that, and move on with our bad self!

Good luck,
Candice

Sebbie's picture

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
And that is a wonderful quality to have. Dont cross over the caring about someone(stbx)into caring FOR someone though. It truly is not your responsibility to take care of his problems anymore. Be a friend, give advice if you feel you can, but then accept that the final decision and action is his alone to make. Your stbx is never going to grow up if he always has someone to rescue him.