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Irritated, exhausted, not sure if I give a shit anymore...language...

knucklehead's picture

Ugh. You can read in previous blogs about SS suddenly coming around DH. He's 23 and lives with my ILs 300 miles away. (God forbid he actually, oh, supports himself!)
Haven't heard from the little shit since last July. DH dutifully sent a Christmas gift (although it was a charitable donation in SS's name) and then nothing for his birthday in Jan. Neither SD nor SS have so much as sent a TEXT wishing DH a happy birthday in 3 years.

Suddenly, he's in town and wants to meet to talk. I had my concerns, and rightly so. At least he didn't ask DH for $$. Nope. He just wanted to piss and whine like an infant about "how hard" this is on poor widdle SS. }:) }:) }:)

My history with DH is a little messy. We were both married and mutual friends for about 3 years. A point came where we thought there might be "something else," so we distanced ourselves and ceased contact. We each wound up divorcing our spouses. It was imperative that those decisions were made independently of "the grass is greener" for all parties; hence, the no contact.

One day, he called me and said they'd separated a few months earlier and the divorce had been filed. (Same with me!) We started dating. The divorces took forever...mine the longest.
We married within a year of the final decrees.

SS is STILL mad. We have been together FIVE years and married THREE. WTF? How long is he going to hold onto this?!? Fool. He actually said he's upset with DH for marrying me before SS had a chance to fully grieve his parents' divorce.


I have had NO contact whatsoever with SS in 2 years with the exception of one time 18 months ago. We had invited SIL and her kids to meet us for a sports game. SS invited himself. I thought it was rude, but he wanted to see his dad, so ok... SS actually told DH yesterday that he's sick of DH trying to ram me and my kids down his throat?


Oh, and he made sure to tell DH that SD is pissed at him because DH didn't send her a birthday gift this year. DH has never received a thank you for the gifts he's sent and SD hasn't wished him a happy birthday in three years, but SHE'S pissed Daddykins didn't send her something shiny.


Gah. I'm so irritated. I'm SO glad they aren't around all the time anymore. They're ridiculous. And so self centered I don't think they'd notice if the world around them caught fire!

The silver lining in this is that DH sees them for who they are. He loves them, but he recognizes they aren't able to see past their own noses.

I'm just pissy today. }:)


knucklehead's picture

DH has had almost no contact at all with them in a year. Before that, he simply sent text messages telling him he loved them. Neither I nor my kids were ever mentioned.

I agree that no one can "know" for sure what did and didn't happen. I know for a fact that there was no affair. I also know that if they were "that" concerned, they would have paid attention and realized he and I were never around each other (whereas we previously had been, given the mutual friend situation.)

herewegoagain's picture

I am so very sorry you are going through this. I have to say, that as another poster here, I think that many of us never were in your situation and STILL have to put up with shit from these crazies...some of us hold hope and it may NEVER happen...but because of how things happened for you and your DH, that might be much worse...I am not agreeing or disagreeing, just saying that don't bet that it will EVER change. Period.

I have a friend who was in a similar situation. Her skid was less than a yr old...they have a great relationship...but I am just waiting for that kid to be old enough to see her mom and step-mom being best buddies and start wondering how it all played out. Honestly, I would never put myself in that situation. It's a no-no to date people who you know, especially if they are a mutual friend of the couple...especially if they have's just asking for trouble, no matter what really happens. So be prepared that this will go on forever...either you have to accept that, because honestly, as they stated before, nobody but you and him know the truth or move on and start a new life...but not until you are fully divorced. And find someone who is new and not a friend of the family, etc.

knucklehead's picture

I agree about waiting until the divorce is final. I sometimes wish we had... of course, it would have been years. :/

We weren't close friends. More like DH and I (and the kids) were involved in similar activities. We weren't the "family friends" that hung out and BBQ'd together.

I think it's tough because we were both in long term marriages. I know that BM told everyone who'd listen that her husband wanted a newer, younger wife, but there was never any evidence of that. DH and I didn't "date" or ANYTHING until well after the separations/filings.

Oh, well. I've accepted that they're hung up on it. Not sure why, but I no longer care.

Hanny's picture

My SO's ex moved in immediately with a guy (she was cheating on him with another one while they were together) once he quit paying the mortgage. On the other hand my SO and I didn't even start seeing each other until he was separated for over 2 years. And he didn't introduce me to his girls until 2 years after we started dating. BUT, they have problems with me and him together, but no problem with their mom and her BF. But then they live with BM's BF, in his house, and because their mom doesn't have to pay any rent, she can spend all her money on them. Me on the otherhand, I bring nothing into their lives 'monetarily' so they have issues with their dad and i being together. I'm sure they think I sponge off their dad like BM does her BF, therefore, daddy will have less money for them...less money and less time. I'm sure that's how BM sees it too. My SO just bought a new car for himself, and I just bought a new car (myself). I'm sure they think he bought it for me, in fact he said he would have to explain it to them that he didn't. I just said. OH! Frankly, I think it's funny...I hope they think he bought it for me. Wink