Welp...that escalated quickly(long one)
So..this morning is supposed to be drop off day H drops him off goes to cdl class and of course talks with bm...he without telling me at all decides tp do her a favor and bring him home with him again tonight! All the little things of this super extended visit just kept piling up (all the fights lack of discipline but the insistence that i dont discipline the two year olds enough etc) and SNAP there goes my sanity that was hanging by a thread. I scream IM NOT YOUR FREE BABY SITTER YOU WANT THE KID HERE FINE HE IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOU JUST STAY OUT OF MY WAY WHEN IT COMES TO ME AND MINE...then like vomit all the problems we have been having exploded into a super long tirade of cussing and calling him an abusive @$$hole and that when this sh!tshow of a relationship is finally over he can forget about seeing our kids we have together since his "first family" will always be his main priority. I told him that im going to moms with my kids and we will be staying until i get a better payong job the second i have enough saved we will be moving to Nebraska to be with my sister. He snapps and screams that im not takinh HIS kids anywhere..my reply is simply you cant act like you give a rats ass about them now that youre goimg to lose them i WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO SCREW UP MY KIDS my kids will NOT act like you pr your precious first born never again will my kids EVER feel like second class citizens in their home..
I havent been able to leave yet due to my third sons car seat "mysteriously" being mia...and i will mot leave anynof my kids with him and his monster.
So, i sit here in my room with my babies and im not even sure if i can even leave my room.without awkward tensions building....
Nothing is ever easy..and when you have finally had enough of the sob storries and the woe is mes i give up...its not worth going crazy over...
My heart and head hurts and i just cant cry anymore
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Comments
Didn't you just 'do' this a
Didn't you just 'do' this a couple months ago?
Anyway.... you will find you can not simply block the children's father from ever seeing the kids again. Life doesn't work that way. A court makes those decisions and unless he is horribly abusing them (documented, witnessed, and CPS involved) your chances of totally banning the father is pretty darn slim.
Oh, you might get to move to Nebraska (he might put you through a court fight, just because he can) but there will be long distance arranged visitations with their father. And as you will be the one moving way across country, the cost of transportation may be found to be yours.
Then Dad will have his visits with his younger children and you will not be there to supervise.
Why just about everyone here told you not to go back the last go round in May, myself included, you need to understand just because you stomp your foot and scream you are banning him from his children 100% doesn't necessarily make it so. He does have rights to his children and he will receive visitation.
Agreed
It sucks sperm donors have rights...and whats sad is even if its in the childrens best interest to not be in their lives he is still going to fight tooth and nail for it despite not giving a damn
Unless he finds another free
Unless he finds another free babysitter (er, I mean wife), I can't imagine him being too eager to spend a whole lot of time with your very young kids. It would distract him from SS and his video games. Yes, he'll probably have visitation, but don't let the fear of him having access to your kids keep you from leaving him if that's what you want to do. They'd be worse off watching his terrible example every day.
My fear , 1) he's going for
My fear , 1) he's going for CDL, if he goes cross country trucking , he'll choose Chicago to Omaha runs, 2) she needs to be aware of the danger of making these threats in the heat of anger. The man went off the wall over a lousy tv set, now she is in his face screaming about 'her plans' before she and children are safely out, 3) she needs to be prepared for expensive and potential lengthy court hang-ups . Right now neither parent has money for a lawyer, but because she intends to take their kids and flee across state lines, she'd best be sure she has the legal right to do so and not take chances.
This may not be as easy as running off with kids and that's the end of her STB-ex. She gets to her mother's she needs to borrow enough from Mom to have a lawyer advise on what she can and can not do.
Girl have your mom bring a
Girl have your mom bring a dang car seat and get the heck outta dodge! I'm sure he did that to keep you stuck there. After all, he wouldn't want to lose his free babysitter, maid and bed partner. Oh...oops...I mean wife? You can do sooOOOooo much better!!
IF you havent done what
IF you havent done what cooookies suggested I hope you have now. Have your mom but a super cheap seat at walmart and get the hell out of there! Please keep us updated!
Is BM coming to get SS today? Can you ask her for an extra seat? She had already divorced the asshole, I am sure she understands!
PS- I lived in Omaha for 4 years, I didn't have kids yet when I was there but I always thought it would be a great place to raise a family!
You knew this abusive asshole
You knew this abusive asshole was a lazy father when you went ahead and had kids with him anyhow. There are no "take backs" on paternity. You don't get to decide he isn't good enough to be their dad anymore. You should have made that choice years ago.
Threatening an abuser with taking his kids away is dangerous. You need to leave. Now.
Kmommy, take some deep
Kmommy, take some deep breaths and really think about your situation. Don't make a threat that you do not plan on following through with. Your H will only think its a joke so if you really want this to be over your next step is to make plans to leave, preferably while he's out the house. He does have rights to his children and all that can be settled in court but right now you need to remove yourself from this toxic marriage.
I wish you much strength!
I'm sorry but this is just
I'm sorry but this is just wrong. You don't threaten to take his children from him no matter what. You had the kids with him, he's their dad. My ex was an abusive ahole to me with anger issues. I left. I still was fair with visitation. I made my bed, I lie in it. And just because he's abusive to you doesn't mean he'll do it to kids-however that can be a possibility. Unfortunatley nothing you can do- and IMO these guys do better with 'short' visits to not lose patience w/younger kids. When young it's best to set up 24hr visits. Whether he interacts much w/them or not can hurt them-more then likely it will result in a cordial but coldish relationshp w/dad later in life (like is with my kids) He didn't have another kid to fawn over but simply wasn't very interested in his own children.
Even with all that- SOME dad was better then none. Wish it would have been a better outcome for them but you procreate w/aholes this is the most you get. Not ideal-but taking them away completely from their dad is more damaging IMO. You don't own those kids any more then he does. They aren't yours or posessions to threaten to take from him. You may be pissed but your thinking is flat out hideous.
I am going to disagree with
I am going to disagree with the "SOME dad was better than none" - not for OP but my personal experience.
Not going to get into too much detail but my sperm donor was an abusive man towards my mother only. Myself and brother and sister had seen him hit my mother on two occasions. She only took it twice and left. He could have seen me but didnt want to until I was older. He left was I was 5. I knew by 16 years old that having NONE of him was better than some. It was the best decision I could have made.
Same here. My bio beat my mom
Same here. My bio beat my mom to a bloody pulp. On his 1st visitation with me, he kidnapped me. It took the police 3 days to find me. He went to jail for that and drugs. My "step"dad is amazing and adopted me when I was 7. He is the best ever and the only man I will ever call dad. My bio is a horrible man, I know this 1st hand after finding him when I was 18. It took 2 converstaions with him to see how toxic he is and I will never let him im my life for know anything about me. I do occasionally look to see if he is dead yet so I can reach out to 2 1/2 brothers that I found out about. However, I won't even do that until he is dead and in the ground. I feel the need to protect my own children from that monster.
My mom fell in love with my older sister when she was 20 year old, she was told that my sister needed a mom. My mom is one of those women that are so natural and loving with kids. She became "mom" so quickly. By the time she realized what a monster he was, she was pregnant and couldn't escape with my sister. So she stayed. Until he tried to hurt me at 9 months old. My mom had to escape with me. She had to leave my sister. Something that haunts her to this day. -- When I found my bio he actually verified all of this and told me my mom deserved everything she got.