I'm Kirsty and I'm new to this blog. I joined to meet and talk to other step-mums who may be in a similar situation.
I have been a full-time step-mum for almost 2 years. My stepson wasn't even a year old when I first came into his life and it all happened really fast. His BM passed away when he was only a few months old.
It's a long and complicated story so I will start from the beginning.
My partner and I have been close friends since we were teenagers, when he got into a relationship we lost contact for almost 3 years. It was a very toxic relationship and she was very mentally unstable. They had social services involved from the beginning because of her violent outbursts to my now OH. Even though the relationship was toxic he stayed, because he still cared about her and didn't want her to do anything stupid.
When the relationship ended, she took her own life. My stepson being only a few months old at the time. My partner took a lot of the blame. As a friend, I offered what support I could, from helping with food shops, toys for the little one, furniture, and even babysitting when he decided to go back to college.
I was there through his grieving, to the point he was feeling suicidal himself. Over time he still hurts but it was getting easier and I was pretty much there all the time because I didn't want him making the same mistake. After he started at college things got much easier for him, he put a lot of his time and energy into getting his qualifications and we developed our relationship.
I ended up moving in as I was here all the time anyway and it was just more convenient for both of us. Just as he turned 1 I became a full-time stay-at-home step-mum. In the beginning, most of her family was really unsupportive of our relationship. Yet they offered no support to my OH. He couldn't work because he was a single dad, I was supporting them both financially as the money he was getting wasn't enough to cover rent, bills, and food for the both of them.
I covered the costs of his first birthday party, for all the family to enjoy including the face painting, bouncy castle, food drinks, party games, etc which all came to around £400 and that's not including gifts. All for his nan to go slandering me to other party guests. I didn't take much notice as I knew the family was still hurting. When her side of the family saw how much I was doing they did apologize in the end.
When that finally stopped my partner's mum started to verbally attack me, mainly out of jealousy because she didn't like how close me and my stepson were. My stepson is still only young and doesn't understand I'm not his biological mum because I do everything a biological mum would, but yet people still like to make comments about how he isn't mine. I know I shouldn't let this get to me and I know it's just bitterness but it still does.
I love my stepson, I've been there through him learning to walk, learning to talk, I've been the one who has stayed up countless nights when he's been poorly. I sorted him out a nursery, I do doctor's appointments and everything in-between. It just gets to me sometimes mainly when everyone rushes to my partner's side when things seem to be too much for him. When things get too much for me I'm the bad person.
I love the relationship between me and mu stepson and I wouldn't give it up for anything. We all have a strong relationship and we've hit many bumps along the road to get to where we all are now. I just get fed up with my feelings never taken into consideration and feeling like I'm getting attacked from every angle.