Another Conversation with SD15
SD: Hey SM, did you see the new apartments being built down the road?
Me: Yes, I'm sure the people that live in the neihborhood right behind them arent too happy about it.
SD: Several of my friends are moving in there
Me: Like who
SD: Suzy who lives one street behind us
Me: Why would Suzy's parents move out of their house into an apartment?
SD: No, not her parents, just her.
Me: She's 16
SD: So, it's not like she's really moving out, she's just going to be in an apartment about a mile away.
Me: MMMMMM....do you think that's a good idea?
SD: I don't see why not
Me: Well, do you think me and dad would let you move into an apartment at 16
SD: If I could pay for it then it wouldn't be your decision
Me: I don't know any responsible parent that would allow their 16 yo to move into an apartment
SD: Are you saying Suzy's parents are bad parents? (with an edge to her voice)
Me: I'm saying any parent that lets their 16 yo move into an apartment by themselves unless they are a genius prodigy at Harvard is irresponisble
SD: HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT...You don't know Suzy's parents. They are so nice to me.
What else can you say to things like this?? :?
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maybe
you can say
"well of course they are nice to you, you probably dont give THEM an ounce of trouble. you are probably VERY respectful. maybe if you are respectful to US then we would be nice to you like they are."
I wouldn't have engaged her
I wouldn't have engaged her in that conversation. If at some point it became an issue, I would let her father deal with it. This situation is different than a house rule.
sounds like a typical teen girl...
like something my almost 14 year old niece would say...or that I might have said at that age! I probably would have asked if Suzy's parents KNOW she's planning on moving into the apartments...cause they probably don't! And like I tell BS 14-Until you are 18 you and everything you have are my property-followed by evil laughter...and then I threaten to sell him on Ebay...usually he gives me the evil eye but eventually he starts laughing too.
Really, she's just feeling you out for boundaries, and seeing what you'll say...
Maybe "We love you too much to let you go now!" or "Sure, but who will do the cooking and cleaning, and your laundry, and pay for your car...etc". My parents made me sit down at that age, find a job that would hire me, and try to work out a budget for how to pay for everything. Realizing that I'd be eating ramen noodles and washing my clothes in the sink every night was kind of eye opening.
you handled it well
I think you handled the conversation well. I mean, Did she think that you would say something like, Oh yeah thats wonderful, we'll get you an apartment too, then I'll stock the fridge with beer so you kids can have a party.. ugh teenagers!
I know
I think i ended the conversation with, "well, I hate that for Suzy, she's going to be lonely. I've lived by myself, it's kind of scary sometimes"
make a budget
I tell my children that unless they are moving out of my house to move into a college dorm after graduating HS then they are entirely on their own financially.
So my response would have been if she thinks she's moving into her own place at 15 she better be prepared for all the costs.
rent: $500? (where I live it would be more like at least $1000)
Cell phone: $100
Car/ins/gas: $300
Cable: $75
electric/gas: $100 (more if you live in a cold winter climate)
Food: $400
So that's $1500 a month she needs to earn, on top of continuing on in HS to get her diploma. Plus anything extra you need. Clothes? That's on you now. Prom dress? You. Senior trip? You.