Surrendered Wife while Stepmothering???
Has anyone ever read the book "The Surrendered Wife" or it's like?
I used to believe in letting my husband "lead" and our marriage was wonderful... completely blissful...
He was so very thoughtful and considerate of me. People remarked all the time that they'd never seen him "cater" to a woman like he did me (it wasn't catering... it was mutual respect.)
We rarely ever had an argument. In fact, before SD12 moved in, we had argued one time and one time only, and that was over something BM manipulated him into doing (it NEVER happened again.)
So now I'm wondering... could it work again? If I got back to the principles outlined in Surrendered Wife and other similar books, how would that affect all the stuff with SD12? Would he just let her continue to wreck our peace or would he be more willing to see her bad behavior? Could he do that... without me pointing it out?
Just full of thoughts this morning and wondering what you ladies think:)
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I am not familiar with this
I am not familiar with this particular book. Is it written from a Christian point of view, in that it upholds the husband as the head of the family? I am not especially religious, although I respect others' right to be.
The problem I see in so many of our "blended" families is that the biological parent will not lead his/her children, but is instead led by them.
I don't see how a spouse can "lead" the other spouse without also leading his/her children. It doesn't make sense. These blended families fundamentally don't make sense to me, though.
I'm sorry I don't really have any advice; thanks for reading my musings on the topic.
Actually, Surrendered Wife is
Actually, Surrendered Wife is completely secular as far as I remember. I am a Christian (a bit disillusioned, but still a Christian) so I have read a lot of these kind of books, but Surrendered Wife is just an alternative for everybody. Fascinating Womanhood is kinda the same way.
I don't know... I have just seen it help a lot of marriages. Men seem to thrive with the respect they get from their wives. My theory now is that maybe it would reawaken DH's instincts towards me, his wife, so that he can see and actually CARE when I am being mistreated.
I do believe husbands have those instincts towards their wives. I have been working on my marriage and have seen improvement with the way he deals with SD12 when we are doing well. (This is one of the things I talk about in my book on mini-wives...reawakening his protective/loving instincts towards his wife... still working on doing that.)
I just haven't been able to get back to the totally SURRENDERED thing because I can't seem to give up control of the SD12 issue over to him... I'm afraid he'll just let her run rampant, roughshod over me.
But maybe he wouldn't? Maybe it would level the playing field and he wouldn't see her as the poor wittle victim all the time?
I read this
I read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/So-Called-Life-Submissive-Wife-Experiment/dp/07369...
But I couldnt finish it because I found the author to be rather annoying.
I am not super religious but I read all kinds of books. If I find a topic interesting, I will read the book, which is what led me to this book.
I was kind of interested in the idea. Just not sure how it would work in my life because I am very independent, very vocal, no holds bar kind of gal. Plus I am a little controlling and I need to be in charge. Not even sure if I could trust DH to make the right choices. To just submit to him and let him be in charge... that is too much for me.
Me too. Just the term
Me too. Just the term "submissive wife" makes me throw up in my mouth a little!
If I do it, I will let you
If I do it, I will let you all know lol:)
There's no way I could live
There's no way I could live that book. First off, my DH has been diagnosed ADHD. This means that things could really get messed up in our lives if I weren't in charge of certain things....mainly FINANCES.
I will be submissive but up to and only until my DH is making a big mistake. Then I WILL call him on it. He expects me to.
I WISH I could give DH
I WISH I could give DH control of the finances, but he won't take it. Too much work lol. I don't think I'd trust just any man with this kind of marriage, but I do trust DH. He has always been so good to me and cares about my feelings, whether I'm bitching or crying. I guess I'm spoiled that way. But I don't trust him with the SD12 issue. I'm afraid she'd control me through him. So that's why I'm just thinking about it and not doing it... yet.
Wow... That's what I'm afraid
Wow... That's what I'm afraid of...
DH does not want to manage the money, though. He hates doing the bills and such. I don't think money would be our issue.
I am going to have to think on what might be our issue. I think the biggest potential problem would be him making me and SD12 "equals" with him in charge instead of the correct chain of command (for Surrendered Wives) with him then me then her.
I had an issue with him
I had an issue with him MAKING HIS DAUGHTER equal to ME, his WIFE, taking her wants and wishes and manipulation over how I would feel, react... he didn't put our marriage first. He wanted to "be fair" between his daughter and me, while she continued making poor choices, lied, cheated, etc.
We have had this problem, as well, and it is my MAIN concern. At one time I felt like I was living in a polygamous marriage, so bad was the mini-wife situation. I don't want to go back to that.