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I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

katielee's picture

As many of you all already know, I have finally set my moving date for July 4th weekend (Yay!) DH continues to say he is going with me. Since I have been so ill with fibromyalgia, I have been unable to work very much at all. DH's job continues to be very unstable; therefore, we are in very poor shape financially. When we move back to my home area, we are going to be living with my mother for awhile.

SD13 backed out of going a few weeks ago. DH had a conversation with BM about it. BM expressed how absolutely ecstatic she was to be getting her little girl back hoooommmeee... until she found out I wanted exactly the same thing, for her to pleeease take her brat back and keep her away from me.

Right after deciding our official moving date, we informed BM. She demanded that SD be returned to her on July 5th. DH agreed.

Then last night, BM told SD who INFORMED us that she would be going with us until the summer was over.

Had a big text war with BM during which I told her that we were going to MY family's house and therefore she had no say in the matter. BM insists we go strictly by the court order. (That only works when she says it works...I guess she's forgotten last Monday when she decided not to pick SD up despite the court order, simply because she "wasn't in the mood")

I think what happened is that SD decided she wants to be involved in all the excitement of moving and wants to go, albeit temporarily, but is afraid to tell her dad she wants to go so she thinks she'll just get BM to manipulate the situation so she can get her way.

DH, of course, thinks this has nothing to do with SD and is just BM trying to cause trouble because that is her hobby.

Either one of us could be right.

But the fact remains... SD is not welcome at my family's house right now. They are just too angry with her for what they feel she has done to my health. (They are not happy with DH either, but are willing to accept him because they know I love him.)

So now on top of packing, taking care of moving business, and everything else, I have to figure out how to get the court order changed for SD to stay here before we leave in three weeks time.

Any ideas???


another step's picture

Talk to your lawyer. Your DH is definitely going to need a new Court Order if he is going to remain custodial in any way. Just moving is not going to look good for him. But that has nothing to do with you. I suggest that you move yourself, he stays and sorts it all out and then he (just HIM!) joins you later.

SM12's picture

You should not have to get the court order changed. Just don't take her. Drop her off at BM's and be done with it. Or tell your SO to stay behind with her for his time and come join you after her visistation is done. Let BM go get the CO changed.

furkidsforme's picture

I don't think parents can be forced to take visitation, so if your DH is not the custodial parent, then he can likely refuse his visitation.

I suppose she could file contempt. She could also file for an increase in CS. And if he ever wanted more custody, he's being an idiot and shooting himself in the foot.

Edited to add: He just can't pack up and move away and say "Fuck the CO!" any more than BM can. And why would you want a man who would?????

katielee's picture

Well, the issue is that essentially we are going to be homeless for awhile until we get back on our feet. We are going to be living with my widowed mother and I am NOT going to ask my family to take on the responsibility of a kid who has done nothing but cause trouble in our home (and school and wherever else has the misfortune of her presence.)

But read my last comment (below). The court order actually says that we are to have to for the school year, NOT the summer. It goes on to say that IF SD changes her mind, we need another court order. Otherwise, things were settled for her to go with us. SD has changed her mind and wants to stay here (Praise the Lord).

So it seems that BM is going to have to get that ball rolling on a new court order.

katielee's picture

Well hell. I am not real bright apparently (fibro fog is my only excuse).

As it stands right now, the court order reads that once we move, SD is to stay with BM through the summer and us through the school year.

So SHE is the one who is going to have to go get it changed if she truly wants SD to stay with her through the school year like she loudly proclaims. The court order says if SD changes her mind, they have to have a new parenting agreement.

LMAO BM!!! I'm not going to tell her until the week of the move.

katielee's picture

Yeah, the way Mamma feels about her right now, she'd have to cram into the dog house, if the dogs were even willing to put up with her Wink .

katielee's picture

Fibro sucks. Nobody has any idea just how bad fibro sucks until they experience it. I'm sorry you have fibro, too:( And it's even worse when your country doesn't recognize it. The United States added the fibromyalgia diagnosis to their list of illnesses worthy of social security disability in 2012, thank God. I tried getting disability way back in 2006 but didn't follow through (I probably would have won.) It took me six years to get back to work and even then, I've never been able to hold down a job for long before fibro starts flaring and I have to either quit or take a leave.

Now I am sicker than I've ever been with fibro. They say it's not progressive, but something in my body is going downhill fast. I need rest and medical care and most of all, I need PEACE in my life. Stress is my biggest trigger of flares, but I also suspect weather changes and down here in sunny Florida, the weather changes about every five minutes.

katielee's picture

Yeah, it was me being a big blabbermouth. BM texted me pretty much saying, "SD wants to live with me now, na na na na na..."

And I basically said, "Yeah, ain't it great!" :D:D:D

I don't want any confusion or unpleasant surprises on the day I move. DH had to get up this morning at 5am, so yes, I was the one that texted her last night after SD told me she was going and said, "Um, no... not happening."

Told SD that we didn't even know where we were going to be staying yet so she would not be going.

That's the last I'm saying about it. I will have DH text BM around the end of June and set her straight on what the court order has to say.

katielee's picture

Oh...and in our state, there's no such thing as custody... there's only "time-sharing."

So SD has been living here for the most part (full custody) and seeing BM every other weekend and one day through the week.

SD wanted to go with us when we move so we went through a lot of trouble to go back to court and get it court ordered that we could take her out of state. The CO now reads that when we leave, BM will have her through the summer and we will have her through the school year. It goes on to address the possibility that she might change her mind, and in that case BM can go back to court and get the CO modified so that the time sharing is reversed and we have her during the summer and BM through the school year.

SD changed her mind, but the CO has not yet been modified. So according to the CO, BM has SD through the summer.