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New to this....

Kateew88's picture this is all new to me and after 10years of dealing with this without any of my friends or family dealing with the same it's time to turn to people who truly understand,people who I know will make me realise I'm not going insane. 

So it took 3/4 years for my partner (S) to actually let me spend time with the girls, which we thought was better. Yes our relationship suffered but we pulled through. Those following 4 years were fab girls were good, yes the ex wife caused trouble after trouble but nothing we couldn't handle. She's tried for years to stop him seeing the girls but its only recently she succeeded! 

3 years ago the oldest girl stopped talking to us completely and everyone seem to know why but wouldn't tell me. S has never stuck up for me he's always took the shit from the ex and the girls but never actually stuck up for him or me. So in the 3 years I fell pregnant at 30, after being told I'd never have them since 26. The youngest daughter was with us all the time....told us she loved the fact she'd have a little sister/brother...oldest one still nothing. Once my daughter was born oldest one decided she wanted to this is where my struggles really started to begin. Not only was I a new mum, I also had to let the oldest daughter into our own house to meet my new baby and was expected to forget and forgive everything in 3 years she had said about me. S and i even split up over it for a few months but the ex thought she was straight back in there!! The first year of my daughters life should be exciting and making so many new memories but both girls have now turned on us....3 times in a year they've had arguments or decided not to come. The ex asks for more and more money that we dont have. The oldest daughter speaks to me like im dirt and once again im expected to forget and just put up with it and let this child near my daughter and play happy families. I know i know im the adult but i also have this little person that relys on me and i need to protect her as her mummy. The 2 girls do lie so much to make me out to be the worse person ever and the ex gets off on texting S shit about me but he still never sticks up for me re her. He doesn't actually respond to any of her messages or calls anymore. 

This is only a small piece of the last 10years but recently I feel like I'm failing in life. I hope someone takes the time to read this and makes me realise this is all quite normal!

K x


tog redux's picture

How old are these kids? You aren't failing at life, but your SO is failing at being a decent parent and partner to you.  He needs to stop allowing his kids to come in and out and mistreat you in your own home.

Kateew88's picture

14 and 16. Its so disheartening as they've not always been like this. They make me feel that being my daughters sister is more important than me being her mum! 

Maxwell09's picture

If I were you I would make plans for the rare weekends they show up. I wouldn't bring any attention to it to your SO since he really seems to want to play a passive role in all of this. SD's come on Friday, I'm assuming, I would arrive later in the evening with your daughter and then plan an early day to the park, lunch a playdate even then home for a nap. When she wakes up let her spend a couple of hours with her sisters and dad-take this time to get a few house chores done or to get groceries. Then find an excuse to fill the evening. Go to the gym (find one with a daycare) or a kiddie program (gymnastics/soccer) for your kid to fill time. Then come home for dinner, bath/teeth and bed. Rinse and repeat Sunday. Reduce exposure to the kids, it will help your stress and your child seeing how disrespectful they are to you and how your SO doesn't stick up for you.