am i a selfish brat?
so i'm not officially a step parent so i hope i'll still be welcomed here!! i'm 29 and i've been dating a man for the last year and a half who has two children from a previous marriage. a nine year old daughter and a 3 year old son. it's very serious and we do talk about marriage, and although i do love him i want to take it REALLY slow, because the last year and a half has been a huge learning experience for me! i have never dated a divorced man before, nor a man who had any children. stupidly, i thought "how different could it be from dating someone who had never been married and had no children?'
i desperately needed a place to vent because there have been numerous times i've been so frustrated that i wanted to pull my hair out! and honestly, sometimes it's hard for me to decide if i'm justified in what i feel or if i'm just kind of a bitch. hopefully all of this will work together to make me a more self aware, tolerant, kind, and reasonable person.
today, my big frustration is quality time with my boyfriend. i don't feel like i'm an EXTREMELY needy person...but i have my moments. and i had one this weekend. i've had a really rough couple of weeks, with a LOT of personal problems , and you know, sometimes when things are falling apart and you're up to your limit with stress...you just need your man. right?
and we haven't been able to see each other lately. we're living about 50 miles apart from each other. we were living together, but i work 50 miles away and have a demanding job with long hours and the drive was too much. it was better to get a temp apartment near work and we are together on the weekends. the seperation is new and has been difficult for both of us. i arrived at his place friday nite and waited for him to get home. unfortunately, he had to work late and finally got home around 10...soon after we both passed out. the next day he wanted us to go to the lake just to relax. i was really excited. but he really wanted to bring his daughter. now, i really do like doing things with his daughter. in fact, a lot of times, i spend more time with her than he does and i try to pick up fun things for us to do together. however. (and i know this might make me sound like a horrible person) i really needed kid free day. i just really wanted it to be him and i...and it wasn't his weekend with the kids, he knew how things have been with me lately with my work and family. and i understand that he misses his kids and he wanted it to be a fun family thing. any other time it would've been more than cool with me. i just really needed it to be just us and i wanted his undivided attention. but he insisted his daughter go, because he would feel bad for not taking her. so i let it go and just tried to enjoy myself. but honestly, all day was spent with his attention on her. i can't help how dissapointed i was. i don't pull this with him on a regular basis. in fact, this may be the first time i've asked him to put off one of his children for me. most of the time, i just suck it up and realize that he is a father first. and yeah, sometimes i do feel slighted. a lot. but i understand. and after we got back from the lake, i made dinner for them and she spend the rest of the nite snuggled up on her dad's lap while i sat in the recliner. it sucked. i just felt really alone. we've been seperated a lot right now cuz of work...and i've been under so much stress...i just needed him ya know. and she insists on sleeping in the bed with him. (she doesn't do this at her mom's house) and there's no room for me cuz she kicks in her sleep and such. and then i had to leave early the next morning to go out of town for work. basically it was a frustrating weekend for me. am i a selfish brat? any feedback?......