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She might not be his

kalaodell's picture

She's 6 now, some random person walked up to me in Walmart and say btw she's not his. I guess her and his BM were best friends around that time. Been trying to get him to do a paternity test for a year now, it's making me feel like leaving because I think he thinks it a joke but she doesn't look like him at all, like my daughter does. Have no idea what to do or say. Hard to be around her.

Comments

tog redux's picture

Be careful. If he's accepted paternity of the child and sees her as his daughter, then he may not want to know if she's biologically his or not. And it may not let him off the hook for child support, either.  If you can't learn to accept her as his regardless, you might want to leave. It's not fair to demand he do a paternity test on a child he loves and cares for.

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with Tog, if CS has already been awarded and he is on the birth certificate, it might not matter if he is the bio father or not. Besides, if he loves her he may not want to know the truth. I honestly don't think that either of my SS's are actually DH's kids. 

BM1 was whoring around and she was only a one night stand but DH married her because he thought he had to do the right thing. He was 18 and just signed up for the Navy, BM saw: Emancipation (she told him she was 18 but she was really 16, he didn't find out until she tracked him down to tell him she was pregnant), her own house, a car, money- you know all the dependa things. 

BM2 and he rushed into a marriage after a couple of months of long-distance dating. SS15 was supposedly a honeymoon baby- yet he was born 6 weeks early weighing over 8 lbs.... sure DH, he was a premie. 

He loves those kids and it doesn't matter. He sees himself as their father and that is all that matters. 

DPW's picture

I also agree. When these situations arise, my advice is to be the listening bystander in the conversation with DH and not a participant. Your opinion should not matter. It is between DH and SD. Stop "pushing" him to get a test. Let him make his own decisions. Six years is a long time to be a father in someone's life; you can't just shut off the tap and call it a day when the DNA test comes back saying he's not the father. 

ESMOD's picture

What is your end desired result here?  Do you expect him to get a test.. then if the child is not his.. never see it again and get out of paying CS?  That may not happen even if he is not the child's father.  What does your husband want?  Does he love his child (or the child he believes is his)? 

What a child looks like is not always a certainty,, I would have sworn my YSD was not his.. but when she got into her late teens.. you could see the resemblance.. it just wasn't apparent when she was a younger child.

advice.only2's picture

Does he even want a paternity test? Maybe he already knows, or has sneaking suspicions and has decided it doesn't matter.

Thumper's picture

My opinion may be different than others.

I believe kids should know the truth..especially about parternity.

 

kalaodell's picture

I just want to give her the chance if she's not his to have that chance to get to know her actual dad. I don't care if she is either way. I make sure she's bathed has clothes and food at my house that's about it