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I bailed, am I overreacting??

Justsmile320's picture

So I been on SD12's ass for over two weeks to clean up her mess of a room, she never did clean it so I did it myself. I'm pregnant so I guess it's a nesting thing especially since once the baby comes that will soon be her room. I told SD that if she doesn't keep her room clean or clean it properly I will do it myself and I will throw things away. Spent all morning and finally got it all spick and spam. She didn't say anything to me about it, didn't flip out on me or anything, which was pretty shocking cause that's the second time I have had to clean her room and I know she doesn't like it when I do. That's kinda why I do it, so that she'll finally realize if she just keeps it up herself I won't go throwing her things away. Anyway, I'm pretty sure after I left for work that night she cried to daddy about it and instead of him telling her "well, guess you should have done it yourself like you have been told to for the last two weeks" he just spoiled her all night and got pissed off at me. I had thrown away a camera that she found in the old landlords stuff, which she shouldn't have been going through in the first place. He asked me what I did with it and I said I threw it away. He got all pissy saying it was a perfectly good camera and all it needed was film and that I am to stay out of her room. She has a poloroid camera and a perfectly good digital camera that he bought her that she doesn't take care of or use. So yes I threw away an old camera that didn't even belong to her. I got upset with him being upset with me and took off to my friends house because he should have had my back and held his daughter responsible for her messy room.  This is the third day I been at my friends and he hasn't even tried to talk about it and work it out.


Cover1W's picture

Read my blogs. I've done the same thing.  The first time I did this DH had my back.  Then I had to do it again (I have four big trash bags full of stuff that was all over the floor and stuffed in the back of her closet.  I had the bags stored in the back of the garage. Then next day DH asked me where everything was - in the garage and going to the dump tomorrow, why?  SD needs x or y.  I told him why he agreed to get it FOR her.  She can darn well go search for it.  Well, it ended up DH didn't want me throwing anything away and instead of making SD take everything back to her room and sort through it properly he allowed her to use the garage as a storage unit.  NO.  I took all those bags and put them back in her room and didn't do a thing for over a year.

Until recently when it was out of control, worse than ever, and DH refused to do anything about it.  Again.  So I DID trash things.  And then I did it again.  And SD was mad. And talked with DH.  And DH kind of had my back, but not really.  So now, after some months and last night, I'm done helping with anything.

If the house is damaged or has issues, it's on him. I know I've said this before, but I'm in total seriousness now.  Oh, we have ants/bugs/rats?  Well then, fix it DH.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

It would be a cold day in He** before my DH would ever tell me to stay out of a room in MY house. I would have left if my DH pulled that crap. You definitely have a DH problem. Disengage. I would give my DH a pillow and blanket and tell him to sleep on the couch and not to even think about going into the master bedroom.

SteppedOut's picture

So your baby is going to have to share a room with the piglet? And your DH told you to "stay out of her room"? If this is the case, is your DH ok with his infant sleeping in a disgusting room?

classyNJ's picture

I have been going into the SS15 nasty room, opening his night stand and throwing away his vape pen!  He gets someone to buy him another one, I wait till he is in another part of house, take it and throw it away.

Sorry I know it sounds horrible, but just let him ask me about it.  Ill tell him to ask his father.  

Siemprematahari's picture

No not overreacting at all, next time you say you're throwing her stuff out, do it. Don't make promises and not follow through because these kids will take you for a joke. I've done this with my own children. I tell them to pick up their stuff several times and if they don't listen it goes in the garbage. They have learned now that if its not picked up and I see it, its gone. She's not listening to you because your H doesn't support you so take it upon yourself and let her learn the hard way.

ybarra357's picture

"This is the third day I been at my friends and he hasn't even tried to talk about it and work it out."  Welp, it kinda shows you where you stand in this situation doesn't it?

SteppedOut's picture

So essentially he would give you AND your baby up so she is allowed to keep a nasty room? Is it THAT important she be allowed to keep a room like that? Why does he want HER living in nastiness? Why do these parent allow this? 

More importantly, do YOU want YOUR baby raised like that?


notsosureanymore's picture

You didn't over react, but if I could do it all over again, I would not have started picking up the slack in the parenting deparment. Definitely let DH know that you don't want your house kept in this manner, and then let him figure out how to deal with it. If he doesn't hold her responsible then you keep bringing it up to him, not her. I did the same thing by cleaning the skids rooms, and while DH never got mad at me for it, he doesn't do things the same way. Granted, I also don't plan on having any bio kids, so I don't have to be concerned with how his opposite-parneting style will affect my children. The best thing I've learned to do is control what I can control, and let go of what I can't. If you don't want to see the mess, just politely ask her to close her door. If she leaves things out in the public area, I call it free game and would huck it in the trash.