justmakingthebest's picture

Quick backstory for those that don't know/remember:

After 5 years of asking, we finally got a CS ruling from the judge last January. Prior to that we were working off the temp order with Alimony and CS calculations. When Alimony stopped, CS should have increased, we know. However the judge wouldn't make the ruling and we paid based on the temp order. The judge went back and suggested an increase of something like $550/month for 5 years leaving us with over 32K in arrearages. However, it was not properly calculated- it only took into account DH's highest pay (he is active duty and had some special pays for a while but doesn't always get those) and nothing for BM. It also didn't include travel or the lost funds on the cruise she didn't send him on, which is all supposed to be calculated, that alone would lower the arrears by 9K.

We were supposed to settle on the final amount but instead she got her attorney to get the judge to sign off on his "suggestion" even though we contested the amount formally and a hearing was supposed to be ordered.So anyway, we have been working on getting a set aside hearing for a year now but BM's lawyer won't respond or has canceled anything that we have booked.

Fast Forward to now:

We are setting a hearing date today, our lawyer gave hers one last chance to respond. But here is my question.... Do we file taxes and risk her getting our refund? We usually get 3-4K back, so it isn't a ton of money and we don't "need" it, but I hate for her to get anything. I told DH that at the end of the day, there is going to be something we owe her. We believe the arrearages to be closer to 7-10K, and he has been paying $450/mo in arrears for the past year so we should be close to caught up if not caught up, BUT we don't know what the judge will actually award. We also aren't stupid enough to believe it will be a fair trial anyway. So if she get's our refund- whatever it will be over soon. 

I know I can extend, I know I can file injured spouse to protect my part of the return or we can just file and see what happens. What would you do? 



CajunMom's picture

as long as you can until that hearing is held and the CS issue is resolved. While you can file injured spouse, it takes TIME and EFFORT. Think the government and think how shorthanded their agencies are these days, also. 

that's what I'd do. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

The extension that way if she shouldn't get your return, she doesn't get it.

Mominit's picture

I would file an extension.  If the judge gets lazy he'll just say "what's paid is paid".  Whether she has your tax refund or not.  He might not bother looking deeply into the numbers that should be owed.  Just say, well she wanted 30, and he paid 15 plus 4 in redirected taxes so good enough.  Or he might say well she wanted 30 and he paid 15, good enough.  But I think it's highly unlikely he's say that the proper amount owed is X, so she needs to pay those taxes back to you.  

Fingers are crossed that s/he does the right thing, but always ready for the lazy way out.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

File for an extension - there is no downside to doing so and it might save you some money.

ndc's picture

File the extension. Even if all it ends up doing is delaying her getting your refund until the fall,  it's worth it to make that evil b*tch wait.

justmakingthebest's picture

Valid! At least she won't be able to use that money to pay her lawyer to fight us, right?? LOL

Felicity0224's picture

In your situation, I would bend over backwards to keep that evil pos from getting even one penny more than what you have to give her. I would file an extension.


Rags's picture

year when you file the prior years return.

That does two things, it keeps your money in your pocket and it keeps the Courts out of your cash with more control to you rather than to the courts.

I would also suggest that your Attorney focus on using the federal military pay levels pointing out that allowances are variable compensation and not dependable.

Taylor the information provided on income to show to your advantage.

We learned that the court would generally not do shit to force the SpermClan to provide the complete information demanded by the courts. We always did. So... rather than pay stubs, etc... we would submit a copy of an offer letter stipulating only the base salary.  No bonus references, or other information on VC. Only the stipulated base.  Variable Comp is none of the oppositions business. and ... IMHO, neither is it the courts business.TMI can cause uneccessary cost IMHO. 

We made sure to provide complete information though... were very careful to not provide Too Much Information.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Around 2013, my husband and his ex had a child support dispute because she had put him on child support within 3 months of the birth of their child years before and he never knew all the way until they split. This means that for 2years, he was paying all bills and child care for her while she didnt work and child support was adding up


Eventually, they split up and he called the oag to find out if a child support case was active and they told him "sir you have been on child support for 2 years"....Of course, he tried to get her to drop the two years and arrears but according to the law and family court, she has to agree to it. We havd been filing injured spouse for years and the last time, i filed injured spouse and they still took my refund. I called the IRS and explained that my entire refund was taken despite filing for injured spouse. The lady on the phone told me that there was nothing she could do as sometimes injured spouse doesnt always come through and to just accept and that at least the money went to the mother and children who needed it and that since I made the decision to marry someone with kids, i am espousing their debt and financial responsibility towards the kids

I hung up and cried for my entire lunch break. After that, i made a vow to always file separate. My husband did feel bad and apologised. Every year, she baits him with going to court and dropping off the two years in arrears to get him to do something for her and then she doesnt file or she files and doesnt show up. Last attempt was in September 2022 when they were going to get it settled in court but my husband told her he didnt want his son to be on prozac and she decided he was going against her and shouldnt have a say in the medical care of the kids. She didnt show up at the zoom hearing and the judge said there was nothing he could do if she doesnt want to corroborate that the two years of child support should be prorated


Another thing, even if they prorate the child support, the interest on the arrears doesnt get dropped.


We have decided to accept that this will be a constant debt that he needs to work on and to keep our taxes separated until this is taken care of.


If the BM is not on board or doesnt show up, arrears will not be waived

Rags's picture

for the toxic opposition to take.

Owe a bit, pay it when you file, that ends this problem.

I/we have always underwithheld. We keep our money in our pockets and pay a bit when we file due to that underwithholding.

The Gov't does not pay interest to you when you over pay your taxes.  Why let them keep your money?

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

I file separately and my husband ends up owing every year and paying it back to the IRS so it works out great. I have had 2 years of consecutive refunds go to BM2 so I have learned my lesson and do not trust the injured spouse form! It has worked some years and has not worked other years and the source is always division of child support

Stimulus checks also went to that stuff....

I am pro women and providing for children so I wouldnt mind if it was fair but its very unfair to be in debt for arrears that occurred while the BM was living and being provided for by my husband....


Ridiculous....Also funny that interest is collected on child support by the state....not sure how that is supposed to help the kids but I guess we will trust that the state will do the right thing with these interest funds and allocate it to the right programs....NOT lol

I wouldnt advise anyone to do injured spouse as it is a hit or miss and the IRS does not care once they have reviewed your case and made their decision to give you your money or not, they dont go back/no appeals

thinkthrice's picture

The CP HCGUBM calls ALL the shots!

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

They do....In family court, the only way your word can mean anything is if it is corroborated by the BM. Evidence does not matter. BMs word on the other hand is firm and final....they can say anything and it will be believed and no need for evidence

justmakingthebest's picture

What a nightmare!

In order to get our max deductions we do have to file jointly, which makes the whole thing so frustrating!

We are just going to do the extension for now and we will file later this year. Thankfully the set aside hearing will wipe the 32K that was proposed completely out since it was an illegal ruling anyway. Then we can come up with the arrears actual amount. I'm not sure how interest works in our case since CS was never determined to begin with, we just got slapped one day with 32K even though we had be paying the temp order the whole time.