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SS21 having some big feelings

justmakingthebest's picture

Sometimes it is really hard to talk to SS21. I have to remember that this "grown man" is still just a boy and I have to tailor my words for him.

With everything going on in Afghanistan, I guess he was watching the news. He is so upset! He is angry at the world watching terrorist "win". That isn't how it is supposed to be. He is talking about nuking the middle east and squashing  them all. He just keeps talking about killing the Taliban.

I am trying to explain that we can't do that. There are too many innocent people, especially the women and girls. He is yelling and frustrated and I don't know how to help him feel ok about what is happening in the world. Especially when I want to yell and cry myself. Telling him that for us to be the good guys, we can't just go blow up a country that is filled with as many good people as bad, it just feels empty. 

Has anyone else been talking to their teens about this? Any words of wisdom to help them feel any peace? 


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Especially when it is totally normal and understandble to not feel ok about what is happening in the world right now! I don't have much words of wisdom especially as I have not raised any teenagers, but I would tell him exactly what you told us. That you want to yell and cry yourself, how that means you have empathy for others, how having empathy is a good thing, and while it might seem like a good solution in reaction to all these emotions to just nuke the middle east, punishing innocent people who are victims of a horrible situation will not make him or anyone feel any better. Personally I am not the best with words, BUT I do find analogies to be really helpful when trying to make a point that is not succesfully coming across. So my suggestion is to use an analogy that your SS can relate to in order to make him understand why in reality nuking is not the appropriate solution

I will say my husband has had a bit of a tough time since he just separated from the marine corps with what is going on in Afghanistan. He joined the military to go and protect his country, but because when he enlisted, etc. while he deployed he did not go to Afghanistan or Iraq, etc. so his 8 year career he can at times see as a failure because he did get to defend his country while enlisted, but now right after he gets out, there is a possibility he could of completed his goal. 

It is all just very sad.

Crspyew's picture

Could u help him contact his Congressional Rep & Senator and ask that they work to quickly fix the visa process?  Donate to an organization that helps refugees? 

CastleJJ's picture

I don't have teenagers, but I am a social worker and I have witnessed so much injustice in my career. I have had to learn that there are so many systemic problems that I cannot fix, no matter how much I want to. All I can say is, you can't make this better for SS21 - he is witnessing injustice and it's infuriating for him. He needs to feel those big feelings and realize that the world may not be exactly what he thought. You can use this as a teaching moment though - get him involved in activism. Have him raise money for relief agencies and agencies supporting the women and girls in Afghanistan. Have him write to his representatives. Have him research ways he can help. He may not be able to solve the problem, but he can help and make some contribution, which may make him feel better and give him some sense of control back. 

ImFreeAtLast's picture

Genocide an entire country of people? That would make the SS even worse than the Taliban. The Afghani people have to figure out their own crap now.