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SS is officially 18

justmakingthebest's picture

We sent him nothing. DS16 asked what we sent him last night when he realized SS's birthday was today. I sighed but DH quickly piped up "Nothing, I don't know who that man is." 

I was a little shocked that DH responded like that but am also so proud of him for not falling for his guilt. I'm also so sad that everything happened this way. It really is just a heart breaking moment. 

I wish there was something I could do for my husband to help ease his pain. Today is going to be hard for him. 


justmakingthebest's picture

Who knows what will happen in the future but right now my only wish for him is that he finds and falls in love with someone just like his mother. I hope he knocks this chick up fast and is treated the way his mother treated my husband. I hope he has to fight for YEARS to see his child only to have BM wreck every visit. I hope that his own child hates him one day for no reason other than BM hates him. That is my 18th birthday wish for SS.

Cover1W's picture

OSDs 18th was very hard for DH.  DH had some kind of timeline in his head that if she reached 18 with no outreach from her then he was going to stop trying.

He had another milestone time when she left for college. The holidays will be here soon, she'll also be turning 19 and I expect that will be a downer. My holidays are never fun because of this as DH is always in a funk. Likely YSD will cut back her time too because OSD is home for a bit.

I also found out OSD was home for a week in mid-Oct, and YSD opted not to be here but lied to DH about why....I'm not saying anything.

la_dulce_vida's picture

Darling, don't settle for sad holidays - get out there and do your own thing for the holidays. ((hugs))

Cover1W's picture

I do things with friends as much as possible, but the night before and day of is stressful. I get myself treats, wine, and hole up with a book on my favorite chair and he and YSD can figure sh*t out because I don't get involved or take over because of their issues.

My holiday is more Thanksgiving when it's just DH and I.

Rags's picture

Implement them early if a mate is wallowing in the misery of their failed family progeny bullshit.  They can be invoked prior to the empty nester years and after... good riddance to a toxic spawn who stays toxic after reaching the reputed adult state of life.

advice.only2's picture

I hope now that he's 18 you guys can finally get all the of the money stuff figured out and settled.  I wouldn't put much stock in him and DH reconciling in the future, as long as GUBM has a say with him he will probably just end up being somebody DH used to know.  Which is sad but it happens a lot on this site.

halo1998's picture

DH has no desire to reconcile with GWR at this time.  On some fronts DH has accepted this..but on others it still hurts him. While he isn't perfect and yes some of his actions certainly helped create the rift...DH isn't horrible either.

ESMOD's picture

Your situation is not only incredibly frustrating.. but heartbreaking for your DH... his EX clearly has won the PAS game.. and it's really hard to understand why his kid has so easily been swayed.... and in some ways.. it seems so bad that it almost is like his mom was forbidding him to communicate.. checking his phone.. making it impossible for him.

In the end.. maybe the kid will someday regret this..but if he is like his mom? I wouldn't bet on it.

DPW's picture

You need to close that court case pronto so DH can finally start the process of grieving fully now that SS has been no contact for so long and aged out. I feel for your DH and feel that you have had one of the most frustrating court sagas I've ever seen on this site. You all need to heal from years of this drama. 

CLove's picture

Im so sorry this is happening.

When SD23 Feral Forger turned 18, a few weeks after, she got into a fight with Toxic Troll, who choked her, body slammed her and threw her against the wall. Of course called her names. In front of SD16 SPMS (who of course denies this every happened). And of course they were best buds soon after that. Toxic Troll even texted Husband "at least shes 18 and I cant get in trouble for it now lol."

And of course at 18 and gradute high school, she ghosted us basically. Didnt get her license but did get a job a few towns over. Stayed "somewhere" with "someone". So about 7 months in I opened the door to the room she had occupied, and Husband told me hes doing a dump run is there anything he could take...I so pounced on that. I know it was hard for him. I even conscripted SD munchkin 11 at the time to help me. I made it my room. Its got sunsets! And I love it. But I know there was a time that Husband had kept that room open for possibilities, knowing that ultimately it would not work out.

Hopefully there is a reconciliation somewhere in the future.

Rags's picture

On the one hand he did struggle a bit to get his head in the self supporting young adult game after he turned 18 and for that we were all in on keeping the burning platform increasingly hot to get him to launch. On the other, he was really a good kid and young man that we enjoyed.

We still enjoy him, and he is increasingly impressive as a man in his own right.  We are proud to be his parents.